Will quotes from The Inbetweeners

Will

This isn’t on the approved playlist! No one likes this one, Jay. Well, that’s it, it’s a disaster.

Will

(voiceover) In case you’re interested, at my old school the day began with prayers, followed by hymns and then an inspirational reading. Here it began with Jay showing me a pornographic video.

Will

(voiceover) I was no strange to Mr. Gilbert’s office. I often popped by with a complaint or a suggestion on how I think the school could be better run. But today was different. He’d actually invited me.

Will

(voiceover) Sometimes, you just have to dance with the devil. Or do voluntary work with a sex pest.

Will

(voiceover) So while Simon was struggling to keep his mixed grill down, in his place I had Jay helping me out at the home. Lucky me.

Will

(voiceover) My name is Will McKenzie and my first year in state education has been an unqualified success. And by unqualified, I mean I failed all my exams. That said, I have made three friends. Yep, three whole friends in one year. And they’re the sort of friends everyone should have - ones that are so tragic, they almost make someone like me… (Will: Feisty one, you are!) …look normal. But things were going to be different this year. For one, Jay could now drive, meaning we had a choice of which shit, embarrassing car we got a lift to school in. Simon’s was more yellow, but Jay’s was more dangerous.

Will

Riding around in Jay’s car made me feel like royalty. Unfortunately, the royalty I felt like was Princess Diana.

Will

Can somebody call me an ambulance? Because I’m in trouble. Time is moving really, really slowly, and everything is flat. I need you to call me an ambulance, or failing that, my mummy. I really want my mummy because, and I’m not being dramatic, but I think I might be dead. Is that clear? Mummy, or ambulance.

Will

Okay, I’d assumed it was a given, but I’ll make this clear just in case: No one is to shit in my back garden!!!

Will

(kicks the door into Mrs. Springett’s face) Fucking Mrs. Springett!

Will

They say the art of teaching is aiding discovery. And Mr. Gilbert had helped me discover that he was a wanker.

Will

(voiceover) So Simon’s shitty yellow Fiat was gone forever. On the bright side, at least Jay beat me at Monopoly.

As you can see from his rather natty badge, this is your new classmate, Will. As you share most of the same classes, Cooper, you’ll be looking after him.

Simon

Sir, that’s not fair!

Lesson number one of the Sixth Form - “Life is not fair.”

Simon

But, sir! Look at his blazer for starters! He’s got an actual briefcase! His shoes are clumpy, his hair’s a bit gay!

Will

Oooh!

Simon

…and that badge! I mean, the badge alone.

You’re gonna die here, Will.

Will

OK…

That briefcase makes me wanna punch you.

Will

Of course it does.

What a spastic badge!

Will

That’s been pointed out already.

Your shoes are well shit.

Will

Yep, the shoes… Simon.

Do you have any proof of age?

Will

You have my word.