The Golden Palace · Season 1, Episode 7
“Seems Like Old Times” · Season 1, Episode 7
In this episode: Dorothy (7), Sophia Petrillo (4), Rose Nylund (3), Chuy Castillos (3), Blanche Devereaux (2), Roland Wilson (1)
[Dorothy is talking about how Sophia used her as a waitress when she was a child]
You used me!
It was our quality time!
Quality time?! You referred to me as 'the help!'
It was a nickname!
On Thursdays you'd lend me out to the neighbors!
So? You learned the trade. Ingratitude. That's all I've gotten from any of my employees -- kids, my kids.
I was just counting this fare. I think you forgot to add a tip.
A tip? A tip. Uh, let's review your performance, shall we? Let's see, you backed over my luggage, took the causeway during rush hour, stopped the car twice to sell fruit out of your trunk. A tip? Walk away now and no one gets hurt.
[mopping up] Sophia, wet floor!
I can't do that on command! I have to be scared first!
Chuy, wet floor!
What, somebody scared Sophia?
[after Dorothy drops off his bill] Excuse me, aren't you forgetting something?
Uh, like what?
Aren't you going to say "Have a nice day"?
No. Look, in the 45 minutes that I've served you, you complained about the food, the coffee, the service, and said that in my case, a sprinkle a day wasn't quite doing the trick. I don't care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day.
Ma, you look horrible! You're as white as a sheet!
That's because I'm between heartbeats. Come back in 15 minutes, and I'll look like one of the Last of the Mohicans!
[referring to Sophia] Has she come down yet?
Has who come down yet?
Amelia Earhart, Rose!
[Dorothy is upset with Blanche because Sophia ran away]
I can't believe you said that. If I weren't a lady, I'd deck you.
If you'd try, I'd have you on your back so fast, you'd think you're out on a date.
Blanche, do you know what your problem is? You're all talk and no action. Just like your sex life.
What are you saying? Are you saying I'm not a tramp? Then why do you think they call me the female Ted Kennedy?
Because you look like him.
You're Chuy Castillos?
Yeah?
You look like one of the Super Mario Bros.
It's taken two years, but as of today I will have lost 140 pounds of ugly fat.
You used to be heavy?
No, married.
Yeah, today's the day that Chuy signs his final divorce papers.
Oh, I'll bet you have mixed feelings about that.
Are you kidding? I'm thrilled it's over. Eight years. Eight long, miserable years. Do you know what it's like to live with a foul-mouthed, vicious shrew for eight years?
[to Rose] Move it or lose it, you Danish dork!
I guess you do.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Palace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
