The Golden Girls · Season 3
[to Greta] Look, race is not even an issue. I mean, your daughter is twice my son's age! What can a woman in her 40's possibly have in common with a boy in his 20's?
Sex! At 20, a man is at his peak. And a woman in her 40's is also at her peak, so when the two come together, hot damn !
Look, Mrs. Wagner, I'm not thrilled about my son marrying your daughter either.
Oh yeah? Why, you got something against black people?
Of course not! And I resent the insinuation! Why, we firmly believe that all men are created equal!!
That's a bunch of bologna!
Rose!!!
Well it is! If you don't believe me, just turn on your television set and watch a white person dance down the line on Soul Train.
Rose, will you excuse us?
Sure, where're you going?
Nowhere. Get out!
Honey, it's just a phase! Ever since Diana Ross started marrying white men, everyone's gotta have one!
[Sophia walks in and sees Lorraine and her family, of African American decent] What is this, a revival of A Raisin in the Sun ?
Grandma, this is my fianceé, Lorraine, and this is her mother and her two aunts.
Oh, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait... This is your fianceé?
Yep, that's right.
You couldn't find someone your own age?
What is that supposed to mean?
No offense, but it means your daughter's been around the block more times then a Good Humor man!
[turns to her sister] Hold my purse - those are fightin' words!
Stop it all of you! What difference does it make that Lorraine's a little long in the tooth and Michael's a skinny white boy? Can't you see they love each other? We should be celebrating not arguing whether or not it's right. Now what do you say we all join hands and sing a chorus of 'Abraham, Martin and John'?
[turns to Dorothy] Is she for real?
Yep - frightening isn't it?
Is it true what they say about black men in bed?
Oh yes definitely...[everybody stares at her] Oh yes. Definitely, that is something I would like to know about too.
Come on Blanche, that's a stereotype.
Call it whatever you want, I'm just grateful it's true.
Oh, Blanche, how would you feel if your son were marrying an older woman?
Dorothy, when my son was five years old, he nearly burned down our whole town. Since then, nothing he does upsets me. Hell, he could marry Lillian Gish and I wouldn't care.
Blanche, how much longer do I have to have this hot towel on my face?
Now just be patient, Rose. When I tell you to remove this towel, you are going to see what a dramatic difference Blanche's Miracle Beauty Treatment has made already! Honey, you will be transformed into a totally new woman! Okay, ready? Now, one, two... THREE!
[Rose removes the towel from her face as Blanche holds up a mirror. Rose, unaware that Dorothy has come up behind her, sees Dorothy's face in the mirror.]
Oh my GOD, I look horrible! ... Oh- Dorothy, it's you! I...
I'm sorry Rose, I'm sorry. I forgot it was a full moon.
Are you nervous because you haven't met Michael's fiancee?
No Rose, I'm nervous because if Sonny Bono gets elected mayor of Palm Springs, he's going to make all the postmen wear leather bell-bottoms and a fur vest.
[Blanche has been feeling guilty about keeping a bed she ordered that the company didn't charge her enough for. The doorbell rings and Fred walks in wearing his Mr. Policeman outfit.]
Oh, thank God! I can't live with myself anymore. Take me!
Blanche!
Dorothy, please, stay out of this. I know what's best. Just slap the handcuffs on me, the bed's this way.
[Fred shrugs and follows her down the hallway but first stops and turns to everyone sitting in the living room.]
Y'know what's funny? I was supposed to be Mr. Mailman today.
Oh Dorothy, I'm glad you're here. Meet Mr. Terrific.
Oh, Mr. Terrific. Meet Mrs. Severely Depressed.
Girls, you won't believe what happened to me this afternoon. I met Mr. Terrific!
Rose, don't be so quick to judge. I thought I had met Mr. Terrific. Turned out there was also a Mrs. Terrific. I found myself ducking a Mr. Vase.
[seeing Mr. Terrific on the ledge] How's he doing?
I'll be honest. Right now, Squeaky Fromme has a better grasp on reality.
It's from Dorothy too.
If I had to thank her I'd choke on the words.
Please risk it.
Mama, do you remember that Mother's Day that I almost ruined when I ran off to get married?
No...
Sure you do, honey, don't you know, I was a senior in high school, and I was madly in love with Deck Bovinglow. We'd been dating for nearly a month, so it seemed perfectly logical when he dropped by cheerleading practice and asked me to marry him. Oh, I thought he was a wonderful catch at the time. He was 40, out of work, twice-divorced, had three kids...but the real reason I wanted to marry him was because his oldest daughter was a rival of mine at cheerleading, and I figured if I married Deck, I'd be her mama. And I could kick her off the squad.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
