The Gentlemen Season 1 quotes

Can I ask you a question, please?

Sure.

Why the fuck are we doing any of this? We could do what dad did. Five million a year for absolutely nothing. It’s a pretty good payday.

It’s not about the money. It’s about removing ourselves from a criminal organization. It’s about taking back control.

Control. So just so I’ve got this clear in my mind. In order to stop ourselves being associated with criminals, we are going to become... criminals.

[with ski mask on] We’re not criminals, Freddy. [leaves vehicle]

[Eddie and Susie pull into warehouse with Freddy tied to chair with Mercy holding a machete] You’d better have my rice. He says he’s your brother. Is this true, or is this more bullshit like the stupid voice he made?

He’s my brother. Now you have your product, you can let him go.

[scoffs] You stole from meǃ There have to be consequences.

They didn’t know what they were stealing.

[points machete] And you are?

I’m Susie Glass.

Compliments to the chef. Certain lanes for certain horses. Certain slips for certain dogs. You know how this works. You can’t just return what you stole. We have people, organizations, competition. They need to know, cause and effect. I mean, someone’s got to pay.

We understand. That’s why we brought a peace offering. [opens van back door to reveal Toni Blair] As you can tell, we’ve been misled. Now you put him in the chair instead of my brother.

I believe in, uh, biblical punishment. Hmm? [pulls off Freddy's hood]

Eddie. For the love of fuck, get– [Mercy strikes him on head]

Agh, Jesus Christ. Eye for an eye. If someone tries to steal from you, it’s enough to take off a finger.

You don’t need to take a finger. You don’t need to take anything else because, technically, I didn’t try to steal anything. Isn’t that right?

You’re right, Freddy.

If someone actually steals from you... Hmm? [tuts] I mean, the message needs to be loud and clear. Yeah?

Freddy, we’re done here. Come on.

Stay the fuck there!

All right, all right.

I-It’s not enough for justice to be done. Justice needs to be seen to be done. As a warning for those who might suffer the temptations in the future.

Freddy Horniman

If that’s directed at me, I promise you I’m not gonna be tempted in future. I promise you that.

Okay, you keep your eyes open, and you’ll learn a valuable lesson. Oh, hello. Let’s hear what he has to say, yeah? [Toni Blair's hood is pulled off] Yes?

Fuck you. You cocksucking bitch! [laughs and Mercy repeatedly attacks him with machete] Thank you for your attention.

It’s a job like any other. Sometimes you have your good days... and you have your not-so-good days.

Yeah, sometimes you win, sometimes you watch someone get hacked to death with a machete.

The important thing is that you showed the right attitude.

What does that prove?

It proves you’ve got the stomach for it. Which is more than can be said for your brother.

[after Gabrielle calls Jimmy] He’s agreed to meet her for dinner tomorrow night. He’s either Rudolph Valentino or a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Shall we light this up? [Jimmy's van full of cannabis shipment is set ablaze]

I realized I haven’t been taking things as seriously as I should. I need to make changes. Drastic ones. So I’ve decided I’m only gonna smoke weed in the evenings. Not first thing when I wake up in the morning. Not when I’m eating lunch. Or after lunch. Or when I’ve had something to eat–

We are still a mil and a half down on the weed though.

Ah, yeah. I realized that too. And I’ll endeavor to repay that debt. I mean, right now, I’m working on this new hybrid weed strain, and the THC on that bad boy... [mimics explosion]

You’d better get back to work, then.

Yes, boss.

[to tourists] Dorset Hall was bought by the fourth Lord Bassington in 1802 for the princely sum of £3,000. The eighth Lord Bassington still resides here. It’s only with his kind permission that we’re able to visit today. So... follow me. The house is famed for its extensive collection of antiquities, which led Lord Byron to quip that it made the British Museum look like a knickknack shop. Highlights include the priceless collection of ivory chess pieces that date back to the Byzantine era, an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus, and– [thudding is heard] And the, uh, sacred headdress of the Aboriginal tribe known as the Waka Waka. [thudding and gunshots is heard with Smythe appearing on upper floor firing off an MP40 submachine gun]

[naked while chasing tourists out Dorset Hall while firing off MP40 submachine gun out the door] Clear off! I’ll have no lizards in my house! You hear me?ǃ No fucking lizards...ǃ [suffers a heart attack outside]

[on boat out on lake with Jimmy] You know what it is, James? I’m angry. I’ll tell you what really champs my giblets. I should be an asset to them. They should want me around. I’m smart. I’m a smart guy. I’ve got grades. It’s... It blows my mind, man. I screw up one time... maybe a couple, two, three times, all of a sudden, I’m persona non gratis, not wanted, en voyage. It’s... it’s insane. It’s ridiculous, is what it is, James.

Freddy? Just chill out, man.

Maybe I don’t wanna chill out, James. Maybe... maybe I need to get out of here. What do you say? You and me.

I can’t, bruv. I’ve gotta meet someone. Or more like something. Something special.

You know what?

[Freddy lights a dynamite stick] Oh, whoa! What are you doing? Freddy!

I’m staying right here. [throws dynamite stick over shoulder] Oorah!

Sabrina Horniman

Not the stables, darlingǃ They’re of significant historical importanceǃ

Mother, Anne Boleyn didn’t change her horses there on her way to visit Henry VIII. By the time they were built, she’d been a headless corpse for the last 300 years.

Sabrina Horniman

Well, they may have been updated.

It doesn’t matter. I’m not gonna let them expand their operation on the grounds.

Sabrina Horniman

Would you like me to have a word with Susie Glass? You know I can be quite persuasive when I need to be.

No, Mother. I don’t want you getting involved with these people. I’ve seen the effect it’s had on Freddy.

Sabrina Horniman

Yes, and the sooner you get rid of them, the better.

I just need to figure out a way of making them more money with a little less fuss.

Sabrina Horniman

[walks up to Eddie and does up his collar] Now, come on. Nothing like a good funeral to put things in perspective.

[at Smythe's funeral] What’s with the window?

Sabrina Horniman

Oh, it was in his will. Apparently, he wanted to be buried standing up, sticking out of the ground, so he could have a view of the house.

Well, that’s unpleasant.

Sabrina Horniman

Oh, that’s the son there, Max.

Hmm.

Sabrina Horniman

He was one of Freddy’s acting chums from Durham. If you think you’ve seen him before, he did an advert for shampoo that was everywhere. The house, the debts, the financial burden. You two have a lot in common in that respect.

Sabrina Horniman

Come on, Geoff. What have you got up your sleeve?

Geoff Seacombe

What if we could find an alternative venue for their activities?

Sabrina Horniman

I’m sure you’ve been acquainted with Mr. Rokes from Green River Farm next door.

Geoff Seacombe

The sheep farmer? What are you saying?

Sabrina Horniman

Well, sheep need a lot of land to graze. And lamb’s not turning a profit these days.

Geoff Seacombe

He’s broke?

Sabrina Horniman

Mr. Rokes is being investigated for fraud by the Ministry of Agriculture.

Geoff Seacombe

So he’s not just broke. He’s as bent as a barbed wire fence.

Plants are actually a lot more like humans than people tend to think. They breathe. They’re territorial. They communicate with each other.

Gabrielle

How come you know so much about plants?

It’s what I do, I guess. I’m like a botanist.

Gabrielle

Oh, no way. My granddad used to run a nursery. Flowers, not kids.

I like flowers.

Gabrielle

Hmm. I’d love to see your plants one day.

Oh. That’s a bit of a tricky one. Where I work is sort of like a… restricted access area sort of thing. I trust you. It’s just... recently we… we’ve been having a bit of trouble at work. Some of our plants went missing. Oddly enough, it was on the day that we met.

Gabrielle

What? You don’t think I had anything to do with that, do you?

Oh, no, course not.

Gabrielle

Yeah. I mean, what am I gonna steal a load of plants for?

Traditionally, the selection process for a prospective new landlord takes place over a couple of months. We like to give their bums a good old sniff. We don’t just rock up at funerals waving our check books around.

Look, it was a business opportunity that was presented to me. And now I’m presenting it to you. This gives you an alternate venue, an increased capacity, and replaces the existing operation on my estate by the end of the year.

I’m willing to consider expanding the operation to a 12th location, but when you start talking about a bit of blackmail, then it’s all starting to sound deeply problematic.

It’s a loose end that I intend to tie up. Very simply, very easily.

I’m willing to take a face-to-face meeting, but I’m not making any promises, and I don’t want any shenanigans.

No shenanigans.

[at Chinese restaurant] I like to think of myself as a fairly patient man, Frank. But when you start ordering chicken bao buns–

Let me translate. Twelve is vegetable spring rolls. Twenty is confit of pork. Fifty-three is crispy noodle chips, which I’ve ordered twice ’cause I’m quite partial to. And 69 you’ll find isn’t on the menu. For the simple reason that 69 isn’t a dish.

What is it, then?

It’s not a “what.” It’s a “who.” And here he is. [Sandy enters dining area and gets Frank into an headlock]

All right, all rightǃ

It’s all there, every pennyǃ [Sandy throws Frank to floor] Whoa!

Frank, why don’t you explain to the nice man this isn’t his money?

The money in that bag is owed to me. And what’s owed to me belongs to you. Sorry.

[Sandy grabs bag and Eddie grabs Sandy's wrist] Fucker... [calls phone] Hello, Susie. Just checking in to see how you’re doing. Well, it’s not going exactly to plan. [scenes of Eddie fighting Sandy]

So you gave him half a mil, now you’ve got nothing to show for it? Sounds a bit sloppy, if you don’t mind me saying. What’s the name of the guy that lent him the money?

I don’t know. He’s a large Chinese gentleman. She wants to talk to you. [hands Sandy phone]

Can I help you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. All right. When you put it like that, it does have a bearing on the situation. With the greatest respect, Susie, that money’s a longstanding debt that needs to be repaid.

For fuck’s sake.

That’s very decent of you.If you can guarantee my money, I’ll give your man the address. Tell your father I’ll send him some buns. [hands Eddie back phone] You should’ve mentioned Susie Glass. She said she’ll meet you there.

Hello, Susan. [hands over takeout bag] Compliments of the chef.

Enjoying your little sojourn into the murky world of criminality?

Uh... It’s certainly edifying. Shall we?

Let’s. [knocks on Frank's door and Frank's young daughter Alice appears]

You’re not the taxi.

No, we were... We’re looking for your dad. Is he around?

He’s busy packing.

That’s all right, darling. This won’t take long.

[enters Frank's study room] Hello, Francis. You going somewhere?

Um... How did you find me?

Oh, that would be down to your helpful Chinese friend. Now, weren’t you supposed to give us something before you go?

If you can find it amongst all these bags. [to Alice] Your dad’s a bit of a messy pup, isn’t he?

[chuckles] Yeah, Daddy’s a bit of a mess, isn’t he? That’s what Mummy’s always saying. [chuckles] But you’d be surprised what nutrition can be found in other people’s stools. See that one there? That’s a former cabinet minister. Collects illegally smuggled birds’ eggs. This one is a certain children’s TV presenter. Got himself a taste for, uh... [to Alice] You like the breakfast show, don’t you, darling?

Daddy used to be one of the top journalists in the country. Then the oligarchs took over.

Yes, no freedom of the press anymore. You have to answer to the powers that be. And if you don’t follow their narrative, they bury you. But not me.

My daddy’s got integrity.

Oh yeah.

Hmm.

Big plastic bags full of it.

Geoff Seacombe

[at sheep auction] Yeah, there he is. Standing up, front row, the guy to the left.

Sabrina Horniman

What do you think’s my best approach? I mean... I can hardly walk up to the man and ask him if he’d like to house a cannabis farm under one of his barns.

Geoff Seacombe

I know his estate manager. I could always introduce you. But, in my opinion, I think it’s better if you go up and meet him yourself. I mean, he’ll know who you are. I’m sure he’d be susceptible to your powers of... persuasion, ma’am.

Sabrina Horniman

You really think so, Geoff?

Geoff Seacombe

Well, we know he needs the money. And you are very good with people, if you don’t mind me saying so.

Sabrina Horniman

Right, then. Wish me luck.