Tour guide and Smythe Bassington in “An Unsympathetic Gentleman”

[to tourists] Dorset Hall was bought by the fourth Lord Bassington in 1802 for the princely sum of £3,000. The eighth Lord Bassington still resides here. It’s only with his kind permission that we’re able to visit today. So... follow me. The house is famed for its extensive collection of antiquities, which led Lord Byron to quip that it made the British Museum look like a knickknack shop. Highlights include the priceless collection of ivory chess pieces that date back to the Byzantine era, an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus, and– [thudding is heard] And the, uh, sacred headdress of the Aboriginal tribe known as the Waka Waka. [thudding and gunshots is heard with Smythe appearing on upper floor firing off an MP40 submachine gun]

[naked while chasing tourists out Dorset Hall while firing off MP40 submachine gun out the door] Clear off! I’ll have no lizards in my house! You hear me?ǃ No fucking lizards...ǃ [suffers a heart attack outside]