The Games · Season 1
[Reading the paper with increasing anger]:
That's not right. That's wrong. That's not that guy's position. He is not head of the Athletics Federation. Sorry, he isn't. That is completely wrong. Check your facts! He's not Portuguese, he's Polish ... and you, sir, are a bloody idiot.
No wucking furries.
What couldn't you do without?
My arse.
Tobacco sponsorship?
Yes.
Well done Bryan. That really is terrific news. Now here's a number. I want to see if you can get some more. You ring that. That's the Cambodian Embassy. They'll have a number for the estate of the late Pol Pot. See if you can get them to tip some money into a humanitarian sponsorship of some kind. You seem to be good at it.
The Formula One Grand Prix is currently less interesting than the video game that's based on it. The cars go around in a circle, they get Murray Walker off the ceiling, the game itself is a procession. You can't get past - the car in front at the beginning wins the race. The whole thing is decided by who's going to have a pit-stop. They're the fastest cars on Earth and the key element here, Bryan, is not racing. It's parking!
Your favourite drink ... apple and guava juice.
Why don't you just put 'wanker'?
You're just afraid if you start again you won't stop.
Well that's the thing with addictive chemicals, Bryan!
Apple and guava? Wanker.
I've got to go.
It's only ten past nine.
You know what the traffic is like.
I do. It's a good thing we're not expected to run a major sporting event in this city. It could well be complete mayhem.
Mr Wilson.
[Interrupting] Now John ...
Or Jasmine, of course. That's the other obvious alternative.
I don't understand then, Mr Wilson, why in the construction of a 100-metre track you would want to depart too radically from the constraints laid down for us by the conventional calibration of distance.
Mr Wilson. Do you know who is the current 100 metres all-comers Australian record holder?
Can I guess?
There's not much point in guessing.
Is he an African American?
He's not an African American, no.
Is he that Canadian from Jamaica?
No, he's not a Canadian from Jamaica.
I give up.
The 100-metre record in this country, Mr Wilson, is currently held by Bryan.
Bryan?
Yes.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
A new mark, Mr Wilson, set at a blistering session last Wednesday. I wish you'd been there. We were down there and we had a bet.
Was this wind assisted?
No, and we'd had a couple, and in my view Bryan is not in quite the nick he was in at the same stage of last season.
[Answering the telephone] Hello? "Dead Builder Proprietary Limited"?
They say you've reneged on your commitment to use totally recycled water within the Olympic village.
[Whispering from off-stage] There's a good reason for that!
There is a good reason for that, and it is this:
[Whispering from off-stage] The Hindus won't touch recycled water.
The Zulus won't torch it.
The Zulus won't torch it?
Not in a million years. We asked them. We're not idiots.
[Whispering from off-stage] The Indians won't drink it!
West Indians want trinkets. What can I do? My hands are tied.
I'm a humble man, Mr Copperfield, but I refuse to be remembered as he who ran the 100 metres at the Sydney Olympics over 94 metres.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Games pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
