John Clarke quotes from The Games

John Clarke

Dead weight he might be, but at least I think we could have got here on time to meet him.

Gina Riley

It won't matter anyway.

John Clarke

"It won't matter anyway," she said boldly.

Gina Riley

His plane will have been late.

John Clarke

Oh, we're predicting the past now. You don't often see that.

Gina Riley

No-one asked you about the gun?

No.

John Clarke

Did you have it with you when no-one asked you about it? Did you just walk straight through?

Yes, no problem.

Gina Riley

It doesn't really look like a gun.

John Clarke

I suppose it fires things that don't really look like bullets.

Gina Riley

It doesn't look like a gun. it could be anything.

Take your gun, mate?

Thank you very much.

John Clarke

And this small thermo-nuclear device if you've got room. Just anywhere in there.

Bryan Dawe

He's in the newspaper today.

John Clarke

Oh, not again! What's he done today? Give us a look

Bryan Dawe

Yesterday he christened a baby gorilla the the zoo.

John Clarke

Oh, yes. There's virtually no end to his capacity.

Gina Riley

He's the one on the left.

Nicholas Bell

We've had a review of all aspects of the office setup.

John Clarke

Could you perhaps be a tiny bit more specific?

Nicholas Bell

You do try to make this as difficult as possible, don't you?

John Clarke

No, I'm not trying to make it difficult Nicholas. And personally I think you're doing fairly well so far. But would you mind please defining "we", "review", "aspects", "office" and "setup".

Nicholas Bell

Thanks for coming over, John.

John Clarke

I think if you've ordered someone to do something you should probably resist the urge to thank them.

Gina Riley

I thought it might help his asylum application if he got a little publicity.

John Clarke

Do you think publicity's a food group?

Mr Stoyanov, thank you very much for your time.

Pick a winda Jimmy, you're leavin'.

John Clarke

[Pretending to translate from Bulgarian] It is the best interview I am ever having.