Thanks for coming over, John.
I think if you've ordered someone to do something you should probably resist the urge to thank them.
“Immigration” · Season 2, Episode 7
In this episode: Gina Riley (6), John Clarke (3), Nicholas Bell (3), Jack Hughes (2)
They're doing a profile piece on John for the Sunday lift-out. You know, what's his favourite food, favourite film, favourite natural disaster.
Nicholas, what happened to the $12 million you were given to beef up the Customs service?
It's been spent.
On the Customs service?
Presumably.
I thought it might help his asylum application if he got a little publicity.
Do you think publicity's a food group?
John, if I might explain a little of Mr Stoyanov's background for you. I've done some research, Nicholas. Mr Stoyanov comes from a little-known part of Bulgaria called Glasgow. When he went through Customs last week, he did so under what I can only assume was his gypsy name of Euan McTavish.
It won't stand up to analysis.
There won't be any analysis. It's the Australian media, Gina.
They may seem familiar to you. They tell me they've met you. They are two young men from drought-stricken Somalia who tell me that they too are intending to claim status as economic refugees, the starvation rate in their country being what it so tragically is. You may not recognise them, however, as both of them now appear to weigh 22 stone, are white, and - according to their passports - bear the Somalian names of Nikolai Grigoriev and Yuri Ivanov. You'd be comforted to know though, Nicholas, that their superlative skills remain intact in the traditional African sport of the hammer throw.
So where are you guys from?
NNikolai
Somalia.
Somalia?
YYuri
Please give us food. We are hungry.
Mr Stoyanov, thank you very much for your time.
EMEuan McTavish
Pick a winda Jimmy, you're leavin'.
[Pretending to translate from Bulgarian] It is the best interview I am ever having.
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