Vanessa Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Vanessa

Shhh!

Theo

Don't tell me to shhh! I can talk when I wanna talk!

Theo

I don't get it. If you weren't going back to school, why did you pack all your bags?

Denise

'Cause as soon as I tell Mom and Dad what I'm doing, Dad's going to throw me out of the house.

Vanessa

Good. That means I'll get my room back.

Rudy

So will I.

Denise

You guys! I'm about to face a really difficult situation and all you can think about is yourselves?

Vanessa

Hey, who else are we supposed to think about?

Rudy

Yeah! [they leave the room]

Rudy

How come you didn't let him have it?

Vanessa

Roy is a gentleman, Rudy and he was trying to protect my feelings.

Rudy

Oh man, love's a joke!

Vanessa

No, it's not! Not if you have a guy like Roy. (goes upstairs excited) Yes!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Rudy

In two days, she'll be writing about dead crickets again.

Rudy

I thought they were hot!

Clair

Maybe you should go up to your room and cool off!

Rudy

Aw, man!!! [goes upstairs]

Mrs. Huxtable, is there something wrong?

Clair

I don't know who you think you are, but you are not the people who just came down here in my living room, half-dressed, flinging parts from one end to the other!

Cliff

Are my eyes deceiving me? Aren't you all swollen in areas where you weren't swollen before?

Clair

Thank you. Because I definitely detect some growth! [approaches Vanessa and removes a large wad of tissues from top portion of her outfit]

Vanessa

Mom! That's part of our outfits!

Clair

The only part of your clothing that you will be allowed to stuff things into will be your pockets. Now you take this and go upstairs and put some clothes on! [To Kara and Janet] Now I'm not your mother, but I feel safe in saying I speak for them when I say go cover yourselves immediately!

Yes, Mrs. Huxtable. [The girls go upstairs]

Vanessa

[muttering] C'mon guys. You know I finally thought they were open enough to understand I'm not a child anymore.

Cliff

[yells upstairs] And don't put those tissues back in the box!

Cliff

(yells back) SHUT UP!

Would you mind if I took off my jacket? It's getting kind of hot in here.

Clair

That's fine.

Am I allowed to answer her?

Clair

Yes.

It's all right, Vanessa.

Vanessa

(yells again) I miss you!

Cliff

Let me tell you something right now. I'm coming up and it's not because I love you!

Vanessa

I'm moving out!

Clair

Good, I'll help you pack!

Vanessa

When I was your age, I always wanted to stay up past my bedtime, but I could never figure out how to do it. You went to Mom and Dad with your list, and they changed it. Way to go!

Rudy

Come on! What are you really doing? You're making fun of me, aren't you?

Vanessa

No, I mean it. I'm really proud of you.

Rudy

I don't believe it! You came here to laugh at me because I'm tired. Well, it won't work!

Vanessa

What's the matter with you?

Rudy

Don't play dumb with me. I know what you're really doing here! The whole family's setting me up to fail. Kenny told me. He said you're going to try to teach me a lesson. You don't think I can stay up. Well I'm on to you, sista! You're the ones that are going to look like fools, see! Yeah, when I pull this off!

Vanessa

You know what your problem is? You've been staying up too late watching too many of those old gangster movies.

Rudy

I'll watch what I want, when I want! And you palookas can't stop me! I've been in tougher fixes than this! And you can just take your phony smile and hit the bricks!

Vanessa

Hit the bricks?!?

Rudy

Yeah, scram, baby! [Vanessa leaves the room as Rudy goes back to her desk] They're not going to take me alive, yeah!

Vanessa

(to Rudy) You'll never get a good job with only a 4th grade education.

Rudy

Sure I will.

Vanessa

What'll you do?

Rudy

Teach the 3rd grade.

(to Theo) Is our relationship in so much trouble that you have to go and practice with somebody else?

Theo

Justine, it's me, please don't hang up! (Justine hangs up on the phone and Theo gets upset)

Vanessa

(Slams the door and gets angry) UHH!!! Just kill him! Who does he think he is?!

Theo

Vanessa, would you please keep it down? I need some peace and quiet right now.

Vanessa

I will NOT keep it down! Do you have any idea what happened to me today? I stayed late at school because I had a science club meeting, so when I left I took a shortcut home. And right there on Flatbush Ave. in front of everybody sitting on a bench with his arm around Kyle Stevens was MY boyfriend! Excuse me, EX-boyfriend. Jeremy "The rat nose" Wilson!

Theo

(He looks at her while being concerned) He was?

Vanessa

So I went up to him, and I said: "What are you doing?" and he just looked at me and said: "Well, I was just sitting here with my arm on the bench and she sat down next to me.". Can you believe that?! Right there in public with his hands all over some other girl?! Would you do that to someone that you cared about?! Why would he do that, Theo? Why?!

Theo

I don't know, Vanessa. But JUST because he had his arm around with another girl, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you! You should give him another chance.

Vanessa

That is the same kind of garbage he was trying to lay on me! Was is it with you guys, do you read from the same book of bull?! Jeremy is history! Do you know the sacrifices I made for this guy?

Theo

Well, what if he came to you, and confessed that he made a terrible, terrible mistake?

Vanessa

I'd show him the door!

Theo

Okay, what if he said he was really, really sorry and you saw that he was in a whole lot of pain?

Vanessa

If I see him again, he will KNOW what pain is.

Rudy

It's easy, for me, because I have better manners than you.

Vanessa

Rudy, its not nice to say that you have better manners than someone.

Rudy

Its true, because if you had any manners at all, maybe you have a boyfriend right now, and you don't because you're a pig.

Vanessa

You're the slop that pigs eat.

Rudy

You are the piggy that make all the other piggies sick.

Cliff

Stop it! What are you doing?

Vanessa

I just wanted to straighten out her shirt.

Vanessa

[hungover] Daddy? Oh, Daddy...My stomach hurts. My head...EVERYTHING hurts. Please...give me something, anything...!

Cliff

[gently] Nothing I can give you, kid. There's no cure for this.

Vanessa

You can't tell me to leave Mom alone. Only Mom can tell me to leave her alone. Mom!

Clair

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Denise

How about when you have a date with a guy you really like?

Vanessa

Go ahead, tell him Denise.

Denise

And your father insists on meeting him. So what does he do? He takes the guy into the kitchen...

Cliff

Have a little talk.

Denise

Yeah, have a little talk with your four-foot buck-knife!

Vanessa

You took Jeremy into that kitchen, took two apples put them on top of each other. Said that was us. Took one of the apples, skinned it, and said that was him. I haven't heard from the boy since.

Theo

Ah, your just in time, turkey burgers all around.

Clair

Alright, put one on my plate please? It looks good, I don't know what to put on it.

Cliff

How about some mustard.

Clair

Don't patronize me! I know what I want. I want some of the red stuff.

Theo

Mom, it's ketchup. [Clair gives him a look]

Cliff

Theo...[shakes his head no]

Theo

Right mom, red stuff.

Clair

Go get me a glass of water Rudy!?

Vanessa

Mom, I'm Vanessa.

Clair

Whoever you are, go get me a glass of water! No forget the water just give me ice, lots of ice! Pam get me a warm towel!?

Pam

Coming right up.

Clair

Oh, never mind, get out of my way! Ah this is so much better! [puts her face in the freezer]

Cliff

Would you get me some ice cream while you're in there?

Clair

Have you lost your mind, an ice cream would melt in this room, a person could burn up in this room. Never mind lets just get through this dinner! [slams the freezer door] Now where is Rudy?

Vanessa

Don't you remember, Denise took Rudy out tonight.

Clair

And who is Denise! Oh, that's right, that's the child's sister.

Theo

Mom would you like some peas?

Clair

I was hoping we have carrots. [starts crying]

Theo

We can make carrots mom.

Clair

It's too late, it's too late, I wanted something orange.

Cliff

Why didn't you fix some carrots boy? You kids are not worth a nickel around here.

Vanessa

Mom, it's ok, they have tear ducts specialists for this.

Clair

My tear ducts are fine. It's my children who are so stupid!