Brenda Leigh Johnson quotes from The Closer

Brenda

How'd you get my address?

Why, haven't you heard, I'm a criminal? But don't worry; as it turns out, you're not my type. Although I admit to liking a fiery woman, you're a little on the bossy side.

Brenda

Is this my Jane Doe?

Fritz

So much for foreplay.

Brenda

All I need from you is an expert to go over these dental records, match them with these teeth, and tell me which missing person she was.

Fritz

Ok. I'll bite.

I have Lisa's death certificate [dated three years earlier]!

Brenda

So do I. Only mine's a litle more recent.

Brenda

Doctor, do you think you might take another peek inside?

[glancing at the charred skeletal remains of the Jane Doe in question] Chief Johnson, where exactly do you see an inside?!?

Brenda

Well, hello William.

Oh, it's Bill. It's just plain Bill.

Brenda

Alright, just plain Bill. I'm just plain Brenda, LAPD.

Brenda

How'd you get my address?

Why, haven't you heard, I'm a criminal? But don't worry; as it turns out, you're not my type. Although I admit to liking a fiery woman, you're a little on the bossy side.

Brenda

Is this my Jane Doe?

Fritz

So much for foreplay.

Brenda

All I need from you is an expert to go over these dental records, match them with these teeth, and tell me which missing person she was.

Fritz

Ok. I'll bite.

I have Lisa's death certificate [dated three years earlier]!

Brenda

So do I. Only mine's a litle more recent.

Brenda

Doctor, do you think you might take another peek inside?

[glancing at the charred skeletal remains of the Jane Doe in question] Chief Johnson, where exactly do you see an inside?!?

Gabriel

Well, I'd say the wife has a pretty airtight alibi.

Brenda

You know who needs airtight alibis? Murderers.

So, he's really dead?

Brenda

Yes, I'm so sorry.

Will this affect property values?

Brenda

[After catching Provenza mocking her accent and task delegation] Lt. Provenza, I need this hurried through [using extra-heavy accent] SID, in about two shakes of a lamb's tail. [shaking wet toupee at him] Thank you so very much. Let's keep it taped off, ladies and gentlemen, because until we understand things better...[turns and looks at Provenza]

Provenza

Uh, [adding heavy southern accent] this is a crime scene, y'all.

Fritz

I made waffles.

Brenda

I have a waffle iron?

Fritz

Mm hmm.