Brenda Leigh Johnson quotes from The Closer

Brenda

So Lt. Provenza, summin' up what we know so far. Alone and on his day off, Detective Tim Martin enters an abandoned warehouse in downtown Los Angeles 30 miles from his home in Long Beach. By coincidence, Mr. Barak, a murder suspect in a double homicide Martin is working happens to enter the same warehouse. They both draw their weapons and fire at the exact same time. Fatally wounded they instantly drop dead where they stand. What would you say the chances are it happened like that?

Provenza

Apparently, 100 percent.

Brenda

What are you doing?

Provenza

Being nice.

Brenda

You're not nice. And you're on duty.

Provenza

Well, give me the afternoon off.

Brenda

My mother is married. To my father.

Provenza

Relax, Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh. I don't date women over 35. 40 if I'm drinking.

Brenda

Alright, then. You can have her back by 7:00, because I have a dinner I cannot miss.

Provenza

I brought this back from the funeral for you. Since you're off sweets. It's a...cake-like object made with some sort of...prune crap substitute for sugar.

Brenda

[Tastes it, then throws it away] There is no substitute for sugar.

Taylor

Congratulations, Chief. You got your mistrial.

Brenda

It's not my mistrial; it's my arrest. You'd think people would be happy to put a genuine killer behind bars.

Taylor

Aram Asourian is the leader of a mob family.

Brenda

Well, maybe next time you can pair him up with a crime he's actually committed. Personally, I always feel better about the justice system when it matches up murder charges with the right person.

Taylor

Then it's too bad Vahan didn't confess to killing the juror, too.

Brenda

Well, maybe he didn't. But Bela Rose didn't die a natural death. And thanks to Lt. Flynn's determination, which I know you in the L.A.P.D. are desperate to acknowledge, I now can talk to the jurors who actually saw her die.

Brenda

Mr. Millbrook. Thank you so much for stopping by. How goes your motion for a mistrial?

It doesn't.

Brenda

I expected better of you. All right then. I have been reviewing the transcripts of this trial and in presenting your client's defense, you never once brought up his son, Vahan. And it looks like he's the one who set the fire.

Asourian won't let me mention the boy. And Vahan's vanished. Nobody's seen him in years.

Brenda

I keep wondering how wonderful it would be if Vahan were suddenly just to turn up. You'd get your mistrial and preserve your sterling reputation. More billable hours. All sorts of good things could happen.

Yes, well, Asourien won't let me mention the boy, though. He's very serious about that.

Brenda

Well, maybe we'll get lucky and someone'll just turn up with an untraceable tip that'll lead us to Vahan. And this can all end.

How untraceable?

Brenda

They'll find weapons of mass destruction in Baghdad first.

Brenda

Mama, I'm so sorry, but I'm not gonna be able to take you to this funeral after all.

What?

Brenda

I wish I could but I have this murder I have to investigate.

Oh for heaven's sake, there are murders every day of the week. And your Aunt Floetta will only have one funeral.

Brenda

What are you doing?

Provenza

Being nice.

Brenda

You're not nice. And you're on duty.

Provenza

Well, give me the afternoon off.

Brenda

My mother is married. To my father.

Provenza

Relax, Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh. I don't date women over 35. 40 if I'm drinking.

Brenda

Alright, then. You can have her back by 7:00, because I have a dinner I cannot miss.

Provenza

I brought this back from the funeral for you. Since you're off sweets. It's a...cake-like object made with some sort of...prune crap substitute for sugar.

Brenda

[Tastes it, then throws it away] There is no substitute for sugar.

Taylor

Congratulations, Chief. You got your mistrial.

Brenda

It's not my mistrial; it's my arrest. You'd think people would be happy to put a genuine killer behind bars.

Taylor

Aram Asourian is the leader of a mob family.

Brenda

Well, maybe next time you can pair him up with a crime he's actually committed. Personally, I always feel better about the justice system when it matches up murder charges with the right person.

Taylor

Then it's too bad Vahan didn't confess to killing the juror, too.

Brenda

Well, maybe he didn't. But Bela Rose didn't die a natural death. And thanks to Lt. Flynn's determination, which I know you in the L.A.P.D. are desperate to acknowledge, I now can talk to the jurors who actually saw her die.

Brenda

Mr. Millbrook. Thank you so much for stopping by. How goes your motion for a mistrial?

It doesn't.

Brenda

I expected better of you. All right then. I have been reviewing the transcripts of this trial and in presenting your client's defense, you never once brought up his son, Vahan. And it looks like he's the one who set the fire.

Asourian won't let me mention the boy. And Vahan's vanished. Nobody's seen him in years.

Brenda

I keep wondering how wonderful it would be if Vahan were suddenly just to turn up. You'd get your mistrial and preserve your sterling reputation. More billable hours. All sorts of good things could happen.

Yes, well, Asourien won't let me mention the boy, though. He's very serious about that.

Brenda

Well, maybe we'll get lucky and someone'll just turn up with an untraceable tip that'll lead us to Vahan. And this can all end.

How untraceable?

Brenda

They'll find weapons of mass destruction in Baghdad first.

Brenda

Mama, I'm so sorry, but I'm not gonna be able to take you to this funeral after all.

What?

Brenda

I wish I could but I have this murder I have to investigate.

Oh for heaven's sake, there are murders every day of the week. And your Aunt Floetta will only have one funeral.

Brenda

I can't believe I left my mother with Fritz for the whole day.

Gabriel

She'll be fine.

Brenda

I'm not worried about my mother.

Taylor

You know, a non-fatal gang related shooting on 81st Street isn't usually considered the jurisdiction of priority homicide. Seems less like you're doing your job than more like you're doing a favor.

Brenda

I'm not doing anyone any favors.

Taylor

Just -- can I just say thank you?

Brenda

For what? Wesley's still dead.

Taylor

You saved his reputation.

Brenda

A lot good that does him now.

Taylor

Maybe so, but that's all his parents have left.

Brenda

I can't believe I left my mother with Fritz for the whole day.

Gabriel

She'll be fine.

Brenda

I'm not worried about my mother.

Taylor

You know, a non-fatal gang related shooting on 81st Street isn't usually considered the jurisdiction of priority homicide. Seems less like you're doing your job than more like you're doing a favor.

Brenda

I'm not doing anyone any favors.

Taylor

Just -- can I just say thank you?

Brenda

For what? Wesley's still dead.

Taylor

You saved his reputation.

Brenda

A lot good that does him now.

Taylor

Maybe so, but that's all his parents have left.