"You freak it you buy it." [pointing to the Christmas tree]
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
It's like my great grandmother used to say, "A lie is just an upside down truth."
What?! [to self] Can I trust Donna?
"Fred Peterson raped old ladies?!"
Dear Santa: [clears throat] Fuck you and fuck Christmas.
Arianna the Bear [to Tim]: This is what happens when you let a Jew run a Christmas pageant.
[after Rallo derails the toy train by putting a Santa doll on the tracks]
RReporter
Blood on the tracks in Holidaytown where for 68 passengers, a routine train ride to Gum Drop Village instead took a detour to Gum Drop country morgue. And now over to Dirk with sports.
DDirk
Better make that 2 massacres today. The Holidaytown Celebrators were shut out eight to nothing. A bad day indeed for pretend, cake figurine baseball.
Hey Junior, watch are you watching? The Cleveland Show?
CCleveland
What are you doing up there?
Larry the Leopard told me to climb the bookcase.
CCleveland
Fourteen. You're fourteen! Now, get down here. I got something I want you to have.
Wow, number 9? I thought when you left, they retired it for good.
CCleveland
I'm Brett Favre-ing it, except I'm not being a public jagoff about it.
The Fluffers [to the tune of We Built This City by Jefferson Starship]: We built this ballpark/We built this ballpark on a gay dude's ca-ash!
Principal Wally [after Raymond high-fives one of his stoner friends]: Watch the height of that five. All fives must be shoulder height or below.
I've never been friends with a girl before. Is it true you guys clap your breasts together, like a seal?
TTyra
No!
Thanks a lot, Wikipedia.
EMs. Eck
You know, I used to be quite doable myself.
So what happened?
EMs. Eck
I turned 30.
I got bit by the inventing bug myself. Among other bugs. And crabs.
You'd be amazed how many people on the internet wanna meet a five-year-old boy!
What the hell kind of comedy high school are you going to, anyway?
NNerd
This is still pretty cool!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Cleveland Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.