I'm going off and find some gold.
DDave
[rummaging around in the tent] Never mind the gold, Alvin, just go off and find some water.
Alvin, go find the water! Why can't Simon find water? Why can't Theodore find the water? Always Alvin! Alvin this, Alvin that, Alvin, Alvin, Alvin, Alvin!
[A geyser of water erupts from underneath the tent, sending Dave flying.]
DDave
ALVIN! SHUT IT OFF! SHUT IT OFF!
[The geyser of water disappears, and Dave falls to the ground.]
DDave
Alvin, why do you always overdo things?!
DDave
There's so many things to see and enjoy, boys. Nature's children are all around us. [Alvin leaves without Dave noticing] And if we don't alarm them, they'll be our friends. [the bear snatches Alvin's hat] And if we're kind to them, they'll be kind to us. They can teach us many lessons. [the bear wears Alvin's cap] Can you name one, Alvin? Alvin? [Simon and Theodore see the bear coming and run away] Alvin? [the bear comes up to Dave; he gasps] ALVIN!! [runs away] THE BEAR ATE ALVIN! [the startled bear runs away] HELP! EVERYBODY! CALL THE POLICE! SAVE MY ALVIN! [a police officer stands nearby] Somebody save my Alvin!
PPolice officer
[holds his hand up] Hold it. [Dave, Simon, and Theodore skid to a halt] What's all the panic, mister?
DDave
Alvin! A bear ate Alvin!
PPolice officer
Oh, calm down, calm down, these park bears wouldn't eat Alvin. Who's Alvin?
DDave
[cries on the officer's shoulder] Alvin is the cutest, the sweetest, the greatest...
DDave
And I tell you, a bear DID eat Alvin, and...
PPolice officer
You shouldn't get hysterical in front of the kids, mister.
DDave
[outraged] I demand justice, sir! GET THAT BEAR--!
STSimon and Theodore
[both at the same time] Alvin's digging gold!
DDave
[surprised] What? Simon, Theodore, what did you say?
Alvin's digging gold, Dave.
Yeah! [giggles] He probably just lost his path.
DDave
[relieved] Oh, thank goodness. [angry] Why, that little--
PPolice officer
Now that we've solved your problem, sir, if you will excuse me, I've got a problem of my own. I'm up here looking for a payroll bandit. Now if you'll keep an eye open for my bandit, I'll keep an eye open for your Alvin.
DDave
Yeah, well, swell, officer. Thanks a lot. [horrified] BANDIT?!
[Alvin finds a large snarling mask.]
Oh, boy! Hey, Dave, look what I found!
[Dave sees the mask, gasps in fear, and falls over.]
Hey, look what Alvin's got!
Isn't this a keen Halloween mask?
That's not a Halloween mask. That's a primitive ceremonial mask.
DDave
Primitive mask?! Then there must be primitive people around! Careful, boys.
[Dave peers from behind the bushes, and sees a man cleaning out a long wooden tube.]
DDave
[trembling] Don't get s... Don't get scared, fellas. We're in danger, but don't... p... panic. There's a native cleaning his b-b-blow gun. The kind that... sh-sh-sh... shoots... poisoned arrows.
STSimon and Theodore
Poisoned arrows?!
[Theodore has taken food from the refrigerator to feed to Alexander in the basement.]
DDave
Who raided the refrigerator?! No milk, no eggs, no-- What happened to the leftover chicken?!
[Theodore shows up, holding a chicken leg, pretending to be sick.]
Dave, I don't feel so good.
DDave
Well, that explains everything. You can't have a dog, so you eat yourself sick! And when you eat yourself sick, what do you do? You take something bitter! Right, Theodore?
[eyes squeezed shut] Right, Dave. [takes spoonful of medicine, face showing disgust]
DDave
Tomorrow, we hit the road boys, so let's get a good night sleep!
I could sleep better if I had a dog guarding me.
DDave
Theodore! And Alvin, take off your cap!
Why do you always make Dave mad, Theodore?!
DDave
[after going over to the other side and picks up a sleeping J. P. Lester] Alvin, Alvin, speak to me Alvin.
[walking up behind Dave, with an extra blanket under his arm] What do you want me to say Dave?
DDave
[looking at Alvin] Don’t bother me now Alvin. [looks back at J. P., who's now waking up] Now Alvin- [looks at camera before looking at the awake Theodore and Simon, sitting in bed] If that's Theodore... and that’s Simon... [looks back at Alvin] And you're Alvin... [looks at the ghost, who's fully awake] then you... must... be a-a...
JPJ. P. Lester
[calmly] Ghost?
[In white blurs, Dave and the Chipmunks rush out of the house and leave]
DDave
Oh, those kids. How can they get this yard so messed up in such a short time? Theodore! Simon! Alvin!
[Alvin tiredly walks up to Dave, Simon, and Theodore.]
DDave
All right, now, just look at this yard! [Alvin tries to sleepwalk away]
DDave
Alvin! Come back here! [Alvin complies] Now, look. This yard is a disgrace and a mess. I want you to pick up your toys, put away your bike, get rid of those boxes, put up the ping pong paddles, clean up trash, in other words, clean up this yard!
Aw, Dave! That sounds like a lotta work!
DDave
Work never hurt anybody. Anyway, it can be fun if you hum, or sing, or even whistle while you work.
[The Chipmunks were so busy singing "Whistle While You Work", they haven't cleaned up the yard.]
DDave
All right, you asked for it. I'm driving down to the corner to mail this letter. And when I get back, I expect to see this yard cleaned up. Understand? I want it spic and span, or you won't get out of the house for a week!
DDave
For a month! And I mean it!
[Dave has come home, depressed.]
DDave
Well, I guess this is it. None of the disc jockeys will play our records anymore.
DDave
They say they want something new. A new sound. They say our records don't have the "Top 40" sound. They just don't want singing chipmunks anymore.
But that's a team record! It would be a big hit! And--
DDave
They wouldn't even listen to it. I guess we're through as recording artists. We're washed up. Finished!
About our allowance, Dave, we want to know if we can have more--[Alvin and Simon cover his mouth]
DDave
[reads the newspaper; sighs] We'd better start looking for another job. Let's see. "Help wanted. Aerodynamics engineer. Astronuclear scientist..."
[Dave is working on a construction site, catching rivets in a bucket, when he hears "The Alvin Twist" on the radio.]
Hey, mac, you missin' the rivets.
DDave
But, sir! That's our melody!
Listen, mac, you signed out to catch rivets, and that's your job. Now do it.
DDave
THEY STOLE OUR SONG!
Sure, sure, now catch the rivets.
DDave
Well, you won't get away with it. Do you hear?! I'll put a stop to this.
DDave
[going into the studio as Page holds onto his leg] Thieves! Robbers! Scoundrels!
PPage
Sir, you can't go in there! King Mallegan's orders!
[Dave takes Page into the studio, and angrily faces King Mallegan.]
[shakes hands with Dave] Why, Mr. Seville, let me be the first to congratulate you on a fine new sound. It'll sweep the country. I wanna apologize. I was all wrong. The public's the best judge, and they love your record. [gestures to Alvin] And thanks to this little fella here, I was shown my mistake.
DDave
Alvin, I've gotta hand it to you. You saved our careers!
[The boss from the construction site grabs Dave by the shoulder and pulls him out.]
DDave
But... But... But... But... But...
[Dave and the Chipmunks are catching rivets.]
[on the radio] And so, friends, David Seville and the Chipmunks have another big hit. One that should sell a million platters! Boy, they must really have it made. I can see 'em now. Lolling around their swimming pool in a life of luxury. [laughs] What a life!
[exhausted] You said it! What a life!
Hey, mac! You're missing the rivets again!
The Alvin Show · 40 quotes
