[Jimmy is outside school, along with Carl, Sheen, Libby & Cindy.]
Ladies and gentlemen...and Cindy, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!
A baby llama with a little hat on?
An invention of yours that actually works? [She and Libby laugh.]
NO!...I mean...yes! I present to you...my latest neutronic invention... [presents three pieces of miniature books] Book Gum. Why read a book when you can just chew the book instead?
Wow, Jimmy, chewing a book.
Sheen, you don't actually chew a book. See, I reduced the contents of different books to gum form. You chew it, and you know it. [gives some gum to Sheen, who chews it.]
[chews a piece] Yuck! Tastes...fishy. [starts quoting from Moby-Dick] "Call me Ishmael. Starbuck, it's the great white whale! I'll get you, Moby Dick!"
Give me a piece of that. [takes a piece and chews] Hmm...It tastes like fried chicken. [starts quoting from Gone with the Wind] "Oh, Ashley, Oh, Rhett. I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies."
[Carl is about to taste a handful of gum pieces]
Careful, Carl. It would be very dangerous to eat more than one at a time.
[selects a piece] Mmm...William Shakespeare.
That might just be a little strong for you, Carl.
[quotes Romeo's monologue from Romeo and Juliet, during which Cindy rolls her eyes in amazement] "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand that I might touch that cheek."
It's the good life, gentlemen. While the W.L. 3000 does all the work, we're here enjoying a tall cold one.
And plan our VIP trip to Retroland.
"Huzzah" some goofy way to say "COOL!"!
[Willy rings the doorbell]
MMan
[opens the door] What?!?!
WWilly
Goo-ood afternoon, sir. May I say you look absolutely f-f-fabulous? Ha-ha-ha, yes, I agree it is beautiful out, heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh...
MMan
I don't want to buy nothin'.
WWilly
Buy? Who said buy? I-I-I'd like to give you a piece of c-candy, absolutely free with no strings attached.
WWilly
You can never have enough ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-andy, sir.
MMan
I can! And I DO! Good-bye! [almost closes the door]
WWilly
[blocks the door] Y-Yes, y-y-y-yes, this is a "g-good buy".
MMan
[struggling to close the door] What part of "NO!" do you not understand?!
WWilly
[looks at Goddard and holds him up] How about if I throw in this free-ee-ee-ee dog if you buy a box?
MMan
Hmm...what kind of dog is he?
WWilly
He's your kind of dog. C-Congratulations. [gives Goddard to the man, takes his money and slams the door]
MMan
[from inside the house] Hey, what does he ea-? Wha-? Wha-? Oh! OH! Not on the carpet, yo-! Ooh...Are those lug nuts?
You gave away Goddard? But you can’t just...
WWilly
How much do I hear for this strapping young lad? Large of head, brawny of brain.
Wh-what are you... what...? 25 cents? I’m worth at least...
Sorry, Jimmy, I always wanted to buy you ever since I was five years old!
WWilly
And the bid is 50 cents... 50 cents... 50-50-50 cents. Four bits, four bits...
Oh, Hugh, you've got to do something.
Don’t worry, sweet cheeks. I’ve got it covered. I'll give you one dollar!
WLThe Willy Loman 3000
Two dollars! Going once, going twice....
Eh, too rich for my blood. See ya, Jimmy.
Hugh Neutron, you buy our son this instant!
But I only have a dollar!
Come on! Come on! We need more money!
Oh, no, no. Think, think, think, think...
MJMemory Jimmy
It would be very dangerous to eat more than one at a time.
Brain blast. Might I interest you in some free gum?
WWilly
Did you say free? Once upon a time... It was the best of times it was the worst of times... Elementary, my dear Watson! Hop on Pop... You're a sorcerer-sorc-sorcerer, Harry! I'm telling you stay away from that! Huck-Finn. Danger! I followed the White-White Rabbit down the hole. Men are from M-M-Mars! Danger, Jimmy Neutron... That's Boo Radley! Danger! Literature overload! Lit-Lit-Literature overload... One for all and all for one! Danger! Jimmy Neutron! Danger! Goodnight, Moon. Danger! Danger! Danger, Danger! Danger! Danger! (Slowly) Danger...
Mom, Dad, I have an announcement.
Ooh, tell me now if this involves any principals, policemen, or government people.
HJHugh and Judy
Oh, good.
Goddard? [Goddard opens up a projection PowerPoint presentation with his mouth] As you know, research tells us the nuclear family of two or more progeny produces a higher happiness quotient than does a solo child family.
Who wants to see the salt and pepper dance?
Oh, maybe I'll just cut to the chase. Mom, Dad, I want a little brother.
[Hugh spits out his drink after hearing this]
Jimbo! Baby making is very…complicated, believe me…
Dad, Dad, it's not complicated, really. It's basically conception, right…?
[covers his ears] ♪ La-la-la-la ♪
Hugh, Hugh! [to Jimmy] Sweetie, a new baby just isn't in the cards right now.
But, Mom, if the glandular timeline closes…
That's enough. Okay, I want pie. Anyone else want pie? I want pie.
[mimicking Edison] Hey, you mangy canine, get away from there! [Goddard barks; normal voice] Haha! Fooled you. It's just me, Goddard. See, I installed a voice transformer inside this walkie-talkie. Observe. [mimicking Edison] Whip-diddly-doo, everybody! [normal voice] Pretty good, huh? Now open wide, boy. [Goddard whines] Aw, Goddard, this is going to help me break up Edison and Miss Fowl. Now, come on pretend it's a nice, crunchy lug nut. [Goddard yells and runs away] Sufferin' Saturn.
