You know, no artist is famous until his death. Maybe we can arrange it?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Now, darling, we want this to be a real surprise to Rocky, so I'll instruct the children to keep it an absolute secret. They're not to tell a living soul - or anyone else for that matter.
[Rocky is recovering after fainting] You had us frightened, young man.
RCRocky Cartwright III
Well, you got me a little frightened right now, but, eh, a couple of o' asperin and it's gonesville for you spooks.
Spooks? [chuckles] Well now, there's no need for flattery.
Thank you.
Dear Mr. Hollister... We should send him something. I have it! Some of Mama's candied porcupine.
Ah, the simple things are the best.
I must tell him not to mix the plutonium with the uranium shipments. Otherwise, they'll never get here.
Boy, that'll really knock the coconuts off the trees.
We'll call a family conference. Maybe Uncle Fester can think of something. He has a good head on his shoulders.
Too bad Cousin Slimy isn't around. He has two of them.
You rang?
MLMother Lurch
I don't trust you Gomez, you've got shifty eyes! And no good butler wears a mustache!
Sorry madam, I was born with it.
MLMother Lurch
Where have you been off to, some dark corner with that hussy of a maid?
[to Lurch] Sir, I appeal to you!
MLMother Lurch
You don't appeal to him and you don't appeal to me! My son is just too sweet and gentle. People take advantage of him. You're sloppy and inefficient!
Sir, please tell her...
You're sloppy and inefficient!
If there is something wrong with me, I hope it's one of those rare tropical diseases. You know, Morticia, something, uh, glamorous.
Are you the Doctor that's going to cure Uncle Fester?
MDr. Milford
Well, I'm certainly going to try my best.
Where's your mask and spear?
MDr. Milford
My what?
The last doctor we had came like that.
MDr. Milford
Yes, well, um... Uh, this was the best I could do on a spur of the moment.
Since gambling bets aren't enforceable by law...
Never mind about that, I'd shoot him in the back!
Wouldn't that be rather drastic?
For betrayal of trust? Violation of professional ethics? Shooting him in the back would be too good for him.
No, I think it'd be about right...
[to Fester] Would you like to take the vulture for a little stroll? She seems to take to humans.
Her favorite food.
This is rather like being in the jungle again, isn't it, dear?
You were wonderful to have on safari, Tish. No one could skin a hippopotamus like you could.
Oh, darling, any housewife could do that. You were the remarkable one.
Well...
I'll never forget when that tiger broke cover. He charged our gun-bearer.
Ah, yes. Dear Ali-Koshva.
Quick as a wink and without a moment's hesitation you snapped your gun to your shoulder and fired.
Bagged ourselves a wonderful gun-bearer.
AAnnouncer
We interrupt with a special announcement: An hour ago a dangerous creature broke out of the city zoo. When last seen, the monster was heading for the Greenbrier-Woodlawn area.
That's us again.
Shall I bolt the windows and doors?
Nonsense. It's probably another relative.
Where's Gomez?
He's working on your release. Never lost a case, you know.
And never won one either. Perfect record!
Dear Mama. I'm so glad we're home, really. If we leave her alone too long, she tends to brood.
I don't know why. She has her lizards and her comfy nail-bed, and if things get dull she can always throw darts at Uncle Fester.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Addams Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.