Lurch quotes from The Addams Family

Lurch

[to Wednesday Addams] I like being miserable.

Lurch

Follow me!

Gomez

It's no use, Lurch. Apparently I am doomed to live.

Lurch

Sorry, sir.

Gomez

You rang?

I don't trust you Gomez, you've got shifty eyes! And no good butler wears a mustache!

Gomez

Sorry madam, I was born with it.

Where have you been off to, some dark corner with that hussy of a maid?

Gomez

[to Lurch] Sir, I appeal to you!

You don't appeal to him and you don't appeal to me! My son is just too sweet and gentle. People take advantage of him. You're sloppy and inefficient!

Gomez

Sir, please tell her...

Lurch

You're sloppy and inefficient!

We interrupt with a special announcement: An hour ago a dangerous creature broke out of the city zoo. When last seen, the monster was heading for the Greenbrier-Woodlawn area.

Morticia

That's us again.

Lurch

Shall I bolt the windows and doors?

Gomez

Nonsense. It's probably another relative.

Morticia

So you see, Lurch, in as much as you love the harpsichord so, the real public benefactors wouldn't be US, it would be YOU.

Gomez

We even instruct the museum, Lurch, to name YOU as donor.

Morticia

What do you say to that?

Lurch

I quit.

Gomez

No, Lurch... Lurch, y-you can't quit. Y-you're like one of the family.

Morticia

Oh, think of all those glorious, happy years we've spent together. Think of the children. Think of Mama and Uncle Fester.

Lurch

I quit.

Gomez

[Lurch has left] Well, he belongs to the ages now.

Morticia

I'll miss his happy smiling face.

Gomez

I need a drink. I'll ring for Fester.

Lurch

You rang?

Gomez

Lurch!

Morticia

You're back!

Lurch

[exhausted after facing his adoring fans] To stay...