Frank Woodley quotes from Thank God You're Here

Frank

Rome glorious Rome! We root like rabbits.

Frank

Is your body a temple? I hope it is, although, I hope that a priest hasn’t entered it.

Frank

(Indicates clothes.) I must admit I’m starting to think I’m probably not going to be going “Whoa, the power and the passion!” I’m starting to think it’s a different direction.

Frank

(In accent.) Don’t try to eat a stone, you’ll... it’ll hurt! And don’t ever try to throw a feather at someone in anger for the will look at you and just go (Drops accent.)”Well what are you doing?”

Frank Woodley

My grandfather actually lost a leg in the war. It wasn't his. He was a doctor.

Frank

Just because you need nappies, doesn't mean you can't dance! That's my motto!

Frank

Yeah, we don't have beds anymore. We find that if we stack them in shelves and strap them in, its far more efficient!

Frank

The items in the package were of a packaged nature, that’s the only information we have to date without a doubt it was probably one of the more packaged um, packages yet to be packaged.

Frank, how are you feeling?

Frank Woodley

I’m feeling…I’m feeling… I’m feeling…good! Not cocky, but just feeling, well actually you know what? I’m feeling like I’m a spider of entertainment. And that’s because I’m going to weave a web of comedy from stuff I just pull out of my bum. We’ll see. Fingers crossed.

Oh, I can’t wait. Get the Mortein!

Frank

Does yours hurt as much as mine?

A little bit.

Frank

It’s like agh! (Hits metal on chest.) Far out! They could make them out of mink! It wouldn’t be so good in the battles of course. But in this bit, (Hits metal on chest.) the mink would be better. In the battle, agh, agh! You’re dead!

Tell me, what news from the Eastern Front?

Frank

Oh, the barbarians are going off their nut! Hairy, hairy, hairy bastards.

Frank

I am Pete. But my friends call me Tom.

Tom.

Heidi

Okay.

Frank

No, you are not my friends yet!

Heidi

Do any of you hold any qualifications for early childhood?

Frank

Oh, yes. I’m qualified to go through early childhood.

Heidi

Now, of course we have to do a police check, ‘cause you will be working with children. Now, who...

Frank

Right. (Drops his giant toothbrush, and walks out of the room, disappearing out the back.)

Before we start. Frank?

Frank Woodley

(Indicates bald head.) This is all I know, They’ve given me this. I’m not sure what that means. I dunno if I’m gonna be a baby or if I’m gonna be sort of um, “Whoa, the power and the passion!” (Dances crazily.)

How much time would you estimate you’ve taken off in the last six months?

Frank

In the last six months?

Yeah.

Frank

Oh, probably not more than six months.