Mikey quotes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012)

Mikey

Alright, Roachie, it's time to meet your maker!

Donnie

Wait, isn't that me?

Mikey

Exactly. Go get 'im, tiger!

Raph

I'm sorry I tried to smash you, OK? I'm sorry. I've learned a very important lesson. I'll never be cruel again, just leave me alone!

Mikey

On one condition.

Raph

Aah! Anything!

Mikey

Be good to Michelangelo!

Raph

Aaghh! [realizes what he just heard] What?!

Mikey

Let him read your comics once in a while.

Raph

[turns to see Mikey] MIKEY!!!! [kicks his shell]

Mikey

Ow! So much for learning your lesson.

Mikey

Hey, Baxtin!

It's Baxter.

Mikey

I was wondering, what made you so interested in a career of super villainy?

Well, since you won't be around to read my autobiography, I'll tell you. I was a frail, and delicately sensitive young child.

Dogpound

Well, there's a surprise.

Donatello

Leo, it's not that bad. You blew up the Kraang ship.

Leonardo

[dejected] But I also blew our chance to get Karai on our side.

Raph

Look, she's Shredder's daughter! His blood! She was never gonna be on our side!

Leo

Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I just was believing what I wanted to.

Mikey

I've been there, dude. For me, it was leprechauns.

Leo

Are you seriously comparing what I am going through to the time you found out leprechauns aren't real?

Mikey

Leprechauns aren't real!?

Mikey

[with Leo's katana swords] Look, I'm Leo. [deeper pitched voice] Guys, shh. We have to be quiet. Ninjas are quiet. Quiet down.

Leo

[offended] I sound nothing like that!

Raph

[sarcastically] Yes, that's why we're laughing, because you sound nothing like that.

Mikey

Hey, Raph! Fire the weapons!

Raph

I don't think so.

Mikey

See, that's your problem. If I were in charge of weapons, I'd be firing at things all the time. That mailbox, blam! That newsstand, boom! That port-a-potty, splat!

Leo

And that's why you're not in charge of the weapons. Now get back to your station and tell me which way to go.

Mikey

Hmm... okay. Uh, you should turn right. [Leo turns right] ...three blocks ago.

Raph

I can't believe Mikey actually came through.

Leo

I can't believe he fired the Shellraiser cannon inside the lair.

Mikey

I told you you should let me shoot it more often. [eats some pizza and burps; to Donnie] Pizza me.

Donnie

No, I'm not gonna "pizza you".

Mikey

I guess you're right. It's not like I did something incredibly brave and saved your life.

Leo

You did save our lives. But you also used my favorite comic book as TOILET PAPER!

Mikey

Yeah, but I only did it so you'd chase me.

Leo

Well, it worked! [starts chasing Mikey]

Mikey

WAIT! STOP!

Leo

MIKEY!

Mikey

I'M A HERO!

Leo

Why would Donnie try to rescue April's dad by himself?

Raph

Maybe because I told him he has no shot with April?

Leo

What? Why would you say that?

Raph

Because he has no shot with April!

Leo

Well, yeah, but you don't tell him that!

Mikey

The heart's a soft muscle, man. A soft muscle. Squish.

Raph

Can this night get any worse?!

Leo

Guys, I think that mutant was Mr. O'Neil.

Mikey

How could you tell?

Leo

You see many giant, red-bearded, middle-aged bats running lately?

Donnie

(Leo's right, boys.) We gotta go after her!

Raph

But what about all that mutagen? We got canisters spread all over the city!

Leo

It's gonna have to wait, Raph. April's dad comes first.

Donnie

I can't think, I can't think! I'm seriously stressing here! Okay, think calm thoughts. Think calm thoughts.

Mikey

You think he's a vampire? Ya think he'll drink her blood and turn her into the undead?

Donnie

Are you TRYING TO FREAK ME OUT!?

Mikey

Time for Turflytle to take out his arch-nemesis, Wingnut!

Donnie

You are NOT giving Mr. O'Neil a monster name!

Raph

What the heck is this nonsense? It's terrible!

Mikey

Terribly awesome! I found these old tapes in a dumpster.

Leo

Tapes?

Mikey

Check it out.

Leo

Dude, this is awful. And you guys complained about Space Heroes.

Raph

Their lips don't even match what they're saying! I could NEVER watch a show this bad!

Raph

So she's the princess of an entire planet? Cool!

Mikey

Yep, and she also pilots the robot's left leg. She rules! But that scientist dude made the robot.

Donnie

The story has such an intricate, layered plot. Four stars!

[On TV] P-p-princess, I'd like to invite you for space dinner, if you please. Yes?

What, I, date a weakling like you? [walks away] Not for 10,000 Zarkon crystals!

Mikey

Donnie, that is so you and April, dude!

Donnie

IT IS NOT! This show is lame, anyway. The plot makes zero sense! [heads into his lab] I'll be in the lab.

Mikey

[after a stealth attack from Leo] What was that?

Leo

THAT, was a stealth attack. [eats pizza] And that is what we're gonna be doing in today's training session.

Mikey

No fair! I couldn't see you coming!

Raph

That's why it's called 'stealth', genius.

Donnie

Why would you eat a slice of pizza you found on the roof anyway?

Mikey

Roof pizza is like one of my top ten favorite types of pizza.

Mikey

[screams upon seeing his acne] WHAT THE-?! I'M A MUTANT!!!

Leo

Uh, he's just realizing that now?

Splinter

My son, I sense there is something you would like to tell us.

Mikey

What? No, not at all. Really, I didn't do anything. [gives in] Okay, okay! You got me! I kinda... I sprinkled a little... [pulls out a vial of mutagen] mutagen on my skin.

[shocked and furious] WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING?! WHY?!

Mikey

To become better! Cooler, you know? You guys treat me like a big goofball all the time! So I found this vial in Donnie's lab. The label says it'll make you super cool.

Donnie

[turns the vial around, showing that "cool" is actually "cooled"] No, it says you're supposed to keep it super cooled, as in TEMPERATURE!!! This was a reject-batch of retro-mutagen, Mikey! It's DANGEROUS!

Mikey

Well, you could've made it a little more clear! [Donnie turns the vial around to show many warning labels] Still not that clear.