Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) quotes

Donatello

Hey, Michelangelo told us how you trashed those two punks in the supermarket.

Raphael

Just our luck to miss it. We could've used the workout.

Michelangelo

Aw, those dudes were easy. Not like taking on Shredder's foot ninjas.

Donatello

Kinda weird, you know? If it wasn't for Shredder, we'd still be four tiny pet turtles.

Michelangelo

For sure. That was pretty cool the way his mutating gel made us grow.

Raphael

Yeah, but that same gel left our Master Splinter trapped in the form of a rat. Boy, I'd like to go one on one with that shred head.

Donatello

Forget it, Raphael. Shredder's stuck in Dimension X along with that flipped-out brain creature, Krang.

Leonardo

He's still alive. Let's get him to shore, quick.

Michaelangelo

Man. This is one freaky-looking alien.

Donatello

He probably thinks you're pretty weird too.

Shredder

[watching from a nearby bush out of sight] What have those meddlesome turtles stumbled upon, now?

Donatello

Quick, boil some water.

Raphael

We're not delivering a baby, dimbo.

Donatello

I heard it in a movie.

Leonardo

Head for the high ground!

Donatello

[trying to reach up] Uh, I got news for ya: the high ground is too high. [the Turtles get washed away]

Leonardo

Remember, we're turtles! We're at home under the water!

Raphael

Just keep telling me that!

Michaelangelo

Whoa buds. That was one totally radical ride.

Leonardo

Now all we gotta worry about is getting to shore.

Raphael

We've got bigger problems than that, Leonardo.

Donatello

[To Raphael] You're always looking for trouble.

Raphael

[points] Oh yeah? Well, this time the trouble's looking for us.

Donatello

Yikes. It's Moby Dick's big brother.

Michaelangelo

I promise, dudes. I'll never eat another anchovy pizza again.

Raphael

I got news for you. You may never eat another pizza, period.

I wonder where that lady with the three dollars went.

Yeah. This thing's starting to get heavy.

Shredder

I'll be happy to take it off your hands.

Hey! Where'd you come from?

Shredder

If you must know, from Dimension X, in a far-off galaxy.

You don't scare us, Mister. We’ve seen every episode of Star Trek.

That's right. Now give that thing back.

Greetings.

Shredder

Who or what, are you?

I am O.M.N.S.S. Omnipotent Multiprocessing Nexus Sub-universal sentience.

A thinking machine.

Shredder

Artificial Intelligence?

Hmph! I prefer the real thing.

A disbeliever, eh?

Shredder

Parlour tricks! Those are of no use to me.

This is nothing compared to what I am capable of doing! With a stronger power source, I could control every machine in this city.

Shredder

Then you shall have it, my friend. You shall have it!

Shredder

[destroying punch-bag] Those blasted Turtles! Because of them I've lost the helmet!

Baxter

I think I have the solution to your problem Master.

Shredder

Not now! If Krang finds out about this…

Baxter

But Master, I…

Shredder

I said "silence" you blithering fool, I'm thinking! I can't be bothered with your ridiculous toys at a time like this!

Baxter

[muttering to himself] Ridiculous toys, hmm? [he puts the Sarnothometer in his pocket and leaves]

Shredder

Now, stop wasting my time with those idiotic inventions of yours! Baxter? Baxter, where are you? BAXTER?!

I can turn this gold watch into lots of gold. Piles of gold! (nothing happens) Oh, it didn't work. I wonder why not?

Baxter

Because you're an idiot, that's why!

Raphael

Where'd he go?!

Michelangelo

Nah. It's a new flavor pizza I just invented. Anchovies smothered in gazai leaves! Ha ha ha ha!

No! Gross! Yuck! Get it away!

Michelangelo

Yeah, I was hoping you'd say that. Leaves more for me! Here's gazai in your eye! [he eats his slice of pizza as the episode ends]

And I repeat. Two delinquents are on a rampage in Times Square. One wears a rhinoceros mask, the other a warthog mask.

Leonardo

It's Rocksteady and Bebop.

Donatello

I wonder why the temper tantrum?

Raphael

Beats me. Maybe they passed a mirror and saw what they looked like [chuckles].

Donatello

This waiting is getting on my nerves.

Raphael

Don't worry. It'll be over soon.

Leonardo

And he'll be here any minute. And then we do what we do best!

Raphael

Yeah.

Michelangelo

Pizza! Ta da!

Donatello

Mm. Good stuff, Michelangelo.

Michelangelo

[Splinter arrives] Uh, master Splinter. I know you don't dig pizza. [He holds a sushi tray] So I got you a sushi tray.

Splinter

It is thoughtful of you, Michelangelo, but I'm afraid I'm not hungry.

Raphael

[to Michelangelo] He didn't want it.

Donatello

I don't blame him. Raw fish! Yech!

Michelangelo

Splinter's been acting mondo depressed lately. What do you suppose is bringing him down?

Raphael

He's probably worried about Shredder's next move.

Leonardo

I don't think that's it. I think master Splinter misses being human.

Michelangelo

Oh, I think you got it, bro. Like, wouldn't it be rad if we could grant him his wish?

Raphael

Yeah, but a chemical that can change a rat into a human ain't easy to come by, even in this city.

Donatello

Hold it, guys. I think I've got just the thing. Follow me.

Mr. Thompson

April, get in here.

April

I'm not that bad.