April O'Neil quotes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987)

April

I'm not that bad.

April

What's going on?!

April

[covers you mouth Irma] No Irma, don't say it.

April

Oh great, I'm doomed to be a decrepit twenty-eight-year-old hag!

Michaelangelo

[To April] Well, what do you think?

April

I think you did those robberies. [She makes a break for the exit but is blocked off by Donatello]

Raphael

Ah ah ah ah ah. Wait a minute. Did I miss something here? Ain't you up on current events, lady? We just saved your life.

April

The thieves were ninjas, pal.

Michaelangelo

Yeah, but were they turtles?

April

It doesn't matter. You're still news.

Donatello

No way. You put us on TV and every scientist in town will be after us.

Raphael

And we spent half our lives crawling around the bottom of a glass bowl. And we ain't going back.

Donatello

Which means that you're staying here until we work this out.

April

You got 'em! Who are they? Let's interrogate them!

Michelangelo

It's okay April, they're cool.

Cool? Daddio, we are frozen!

April

And as he crossed the finish line, the tortoise realised that slow and steady does won the race, for he had beaten the hare.

Raphael

I love that story.

Michelangelo

Read it again, April.

April

But I've read it five times.

Donatello

Just once more. Ahhh [falls asleep]]

April

[steps away and chuckles as Leonardo comes in cleaning his katana] Just a bunch of sleepyheads.

Leonardo

They'll need their rest. Because tomorrow, we're going to find The Shredder and finish him. [sheathes his katana]

April

[gasps] It's security guards.

Are you in danger?!

April

Stay still, now hold you tongue.

Whatever your say.

April

What a story. And the remarkable thing is, they were defeated by four half-teenagers and half-turtles.

Raphael

Hey. And let's not forget one half-man and half-rat, huh?

April

Hey, I just realized something. I'm the only 100 percent human being in this place.

Michaelangelo

Aw, don't feel bad, April. Nobody's perfect.

Michaelangelo

Aw, man. What a scuzzbucket.

Donatello

[To April] Well, at least you still got the video tape of us tangling with Shredder.

Leonardo

Right. That'll prove we're not villains.

April O'Neil

Sorry guys, but my camera was totalled during the battle. [shows her camera into immune, which has indeed been totalled.]

Donatello

Oh great. Our name's still mud in this city. [The turtles turn around disconsolant and start walking home.]

Michaelangelo

Total bummer, dudes.

Raphael

Some days it just doesn't pay to come out of your shell.

Irma

Please, April. Just one little cookie.

April

Forget it, Irma.

Irma

Ooh, oh, look. My favorite flavor of ice cream. Mm.

Irma

Ohh!? Men are such beasts!

April O'Neil

[pauses as Irma sobs] Is it Elliot, the new fella you just met?

Irma

Don't ever mention his name again! His idea of a double date was showing up with another girlfriend!

April O'Neil

Irma, the problem is you're too eager. You'd never see me jump the moment a man calls.

Mr. Thompson

April! Get in here!

April O'Neil

Yes, Mr. Thompson, comin' right away!

Irma

Oh, brother.

Leonardo

[screams] It's Grybyx.

Grybyx?

April

That's Michelangelo.

Leonardo

That cake was Michelangelo surprise birthday tomorrow.

Irma

Oops, sorry.

April

Okay, Irma! Let's roll!

Irma

So, what did you find out?

April

I think Burne’s exaggerating. I didn't see a single rat. [Rats chew holes in the tires on the news van] I'm entitled to my opinion. You don't have to hiss at me.

Irma

Who's hissing? I agree with you. Oh, no! Two flat tires.

April

Make that four flat tires. [?]

Irma

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