Splinter quotes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987)

Splinter

What's a matter, April?

Splinter

Get up, Donatello? Get up! Donatello, get up!

Donatello

This waiting is getting on my nerves.

Raphael

Don't worry. It'll be over soon.

Leonardo

And he'll be here any minute. And then we do what we do best!

Raphael

Yeah.

Michelangelo

Pizza! Ta da!

Donatello

Mm. Good stuff, Michelangelo.

Michelangelo

[Splinter arrives] Uh, master Splinter. I know you don't dig pizza. [He holds a sushi tray] So I got you a sushi tray.

Splinter

It is thoughtful of you, Michelangelo, but I'm afraid I'm not hungry.

Raphael

[to Michelangelo] He didn't want it.

Donatello

I don't blame him. Raw fish! Yech!

Michelangelo

Splinter's been acting mondo depressed lately. What do you suppose is bringing him down?

Raphael

He's probably worried about Shredder's next move.

Leonardo

I don't think that's it. I think master Splinter misses being human.

Michelangelo

Oh, I think you got it, bro. Like, wouldn't it be rad if we could grant him his wish?

Raphael

Yeah, but a chemical that can change a rat into a human ain't easy to come by, even in this city.

Donatello

Hold it, guys. I think I've got just the thing. Follow me.

Splinter

You are losing your fighting edge, my turtles. Were it Shredder who attacked you, he would not be so lenient.

Raphael

Aw, come on, Master Splinter, we already sent chrome-dome and Krang to the Earth's core.

Michelangelo

Yeah, right. Those dudes are totally dusted.

Splinter

Without positive proof, it would be unwise to assume that Shredder and Krang have been vanquished. Beyond that, may I remind you that you are still crime fighters, and that the streets of this city are still filled with crime. I suggest doing each ninja exercise twice. You obviously need the practice.

Leonardo

Well, you heard Master Splinter. Let's do it!

Leonardo

[a bonk to the head has given him amnesia, so he believes that he is D'Artagnan] Come, my comrades. There are wrongs to be righted, and damsels to be saved. And you Musketeers aren't even dressed. [throws clothes towards Raphael, Donatello and Michaelangelo, who all catch them]

Donatello

Uh, my fault guys. I left the costumes that April sent over in Leonardo's room.

Raphael

Clever move, brainiac.

Actually, Donatello did the right thing. You must humour him by putting on these costumes.

Michaelangelo

Pretend we're musketeers? Bogus dude.

Raphael

Look, I'd give Leonardo the shell off my back, ok? But I am not wearing lace with feathers and that's final.

Donatello

Same here.

Michaelangelo

Ditto. [They are now dressed in the costumes].

Raphael

I feel pretty stupid.

Donatello

Same here.

Michaelangelo

Ditto.

Leonardo

Don't do it, Michelangelo!

Michelangelo

It's no use, Leonardo. Don't try talking me out of it.

Raphael

You don't know what you're letting yourself in for.

Michelangelo

A turtle's gotta do what a turtle's gotta do.

Donatello

Please, Michelangelo, don't go for pizza! It's raining cats and dogs.

Raphael

And the dough gets real soggy.

Splinter

Besides, there is still one last box of pizza mix in the cupboard.

Michelangelo

There is? All right! Well, let's get cooking!

Splinter

Look. Squid.

No! Squid! Gangway! I'm out of here!

As for you, April, I hope this has taught you a lesson.

April

It certainly has. I learned that a disguise is a great way to get a story. There's a convention of bald-headed diplomats in town next week. Maybe I could pass as one of them?

April

Well, what do you think?

Raphael

Paint that thing green and you could pass as one of us.

Raphael

Those cardboard cutouts will get their attention, while we attack them from the side.

Excuse me. Which one of you ordered the pizza with chocolate sprinkles and clam sauce?

Michelangelo

Yo, dude. Right here. [grabs a pizza, opens it and eats it]

Leonardo

I think we've got you, Raphael.

Raphael

My beautiful strategy done in by a pizza.

Splinter

The winners of the next contest will be champions for the day.

Raphael

It's time for you to get motivated, Michelangelo.

Leonardo

What is it?

Donatello

He looks like a giant turtle.

Splinter

Be careful, my students. You are pitted against a superior fighting machine.

Raphael

That doesn't scare us.

I am Metalhead. I crush turtles.

Raphael

Now, that scares us.

Not there!

It's Bebop, Rocksteady, Shredder & Dregg.

Dregg

My name's Dregg. [grabs Irma] Gotcha!

Irma

Put me down! Hey!!!

Dregg and Shredder, get your hands off her!

Shredder

[snap fingers] Tied her up.

You got it, boss!

Irma

[ties rope by Dregg, Bebop & Rocksteady] Shredder, what do you thinking you doing?!

April

Untie up, Shredder, or release her!

Another one! Seize her!

Rocksteady

Gotcha!

April

Uh-oh!

Shredder

Another one! Tied her up, you will not get away this time.

Bebop

Got it, boss.

April

[ties rope] Dregg, Shredder, don't try her again?!

You can't tied ropes!

Shredder

What's this turtles! Get them!

Shredder! Get your hands off with April and Irma.

Raphael

Michelangelo, are you okay.

Splinter

What's a matter?

Leonardo

Did you April and Irma Tied her up?

Donatello

They Dregg get away?

Splinter

Perhaps in to sewers about that pizzas.

Mr. Thompson

April, get in there.

April

Oh, we'll be right back.