Louie quotes from Taxi

Louie

[to Bobby after finding out he made a bet over whether or not he would change his ways and hanging him on a hook] You scum! You lowlife! You creep! I'm gonna make you regret the day you were born! I'm gonna make sure that every night, you get the dirtiest, smelliest cab in the garage, and if there isn't one that's dirty and smelly, then I'm gonna get in and smelly and dirty it up myself! In the wintertime, your cab will have no heater! In the summertime, your windows won't roll down! I'm gonna make you the second most miserable cab driver in all of New York City! [Walks towards his office, but briefly stops] The MOST miserable cab driver in all of New York City is whoever lets him down or feeds him!

Louie

[to white haired man at the auction] You better hope you don't spend your golden years at Sunset Acres.

Louie

Ignatowski's got a father? There goes my spore theory!

Louie

I love this. A duel of wits between unarmed opponents.

Louie

[stuffing cash into Alex's pockets paying off a bet he just lost] Take it and die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die with festering boils! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!

Louie

[In a flashback to Louie's days as a driver] All dispatchers are scum.

Louie

Let's face it, Reiger, crime pays. You know people go around thinking if they do something bad, then something bad has gotta happen to them. Well, I am living proof that that's not true.

Elaine

'Scuse me. My name's Elaine Nardo. They told me to ask for Louie.

Louie

Yes, ma'am, I'm Louis De Palma. I hope there's no trouble. If there is, I'll be glad to help in any way I can.

Elaine

No, no, it's just that they told me I'd be starting work today as a driver. Oh, here's my hack license.

Louie

You're a cab driver?

Elaine

Uh-huh.

Louie

Whaddaya mean bustin' my chops here makin' believe you're a regular person?

Louie

Hey, hey, ya wanna great tip? Here it is: Never pick up a cripple.

Elaine

Louie! That is the rottenest thing I ever heard. Y'know, I'm not even gonna bother to tell you why, but first of all, you don't call them "cripples," you call them "handicapped persons."

Louie

You're right. I'm embarrassed. Okay, John, forget what I said. The people you should never pick up are handicapped persons. The reason is in the time it takes you to help one of them in and out of your cab, you could pick up maybe ten guys who could get in and out all by themselves. So, no handicapped persons. Cabs are only for people who can walk.

Alex

You have to forgive Louie, he's himself today.

Tony

Maybe I won't be the first guy to make it out of the garage, but I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna get a rematch with this guy, and I'm gonna be right back here fightin'!

Alex

And I'm gonna be right back here managing you.

Bobby

And I'm gonna be right here rootin' for ya.

Elaine

And I'm gonna be here.

And I'm gonna be here.

Louie

And I'm gonna be here... makin' a fortune.

Tony

Angela? From your answering service? Oh, she's a peach. One night she and I discussed my boxing career. Y'know, we never even met, and still we must have talked for around five minutes.

Louie

That's longer than most of your fights last.

Elaine

I mean, I can't believe you. You wouldn't go out with a woman if she wasn't good looking?

Bobby

Sure I would... if I was real drunk or somethin'.

Tony

Hey, c'mon, Elaine. Looks matter to women, too. How popular are short, pudgy, ugly men?

Bobby

Yeah, how popular, Louie?

Louie

Y'know, Bobby, I hope someone slams a door on your nose and you sneeze and your head explodes.

Louie

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but your mother is a very attractive woman. She's got some nice bagonzas.

What are bagonzas?

Louie

How old are you?

Twelve.

Louie

Bagonzas are feet!

Listen, there's something I'd like to ask you.

Louie

Shoot.

Well, we've heard that certain dispatchers will take advantage of their positions by taking bribes, you know shaking down drivers, that sort of thing. Is there any truth in that?

Louie

What's it worth to you to find out?

I think you just answered my question, thank you.

Louie

We're splittin' up. Good bye!

Why?

Louie

You really wanna drag this out, don't ya?

I just wanna know why.

Louie

Why? [he thinks] There's someone else.

Oh. I see. Who?

Louie

Who? [he thinks] Donna Summer. We had a little spat before I met you. I couldn't take the pressure, the racial thing! And besides she's always shaking it in front of other guys and it got to me! I told her: I don't want you moanin' on records anymore! This morning she gave me a call...

Stop it Louie! Just don't make up stories! I think I deserve better than that.