Elaine Nardo quotes from Taxi

Elaine

[to Louie] Poor Emily. It's so sad that she mixed drugs and alcohol and spent the night with you... when most people only die.

Elaine

'Scuse me. My name's Elaine Nardo. They told me to ask for Louie.

Louie

Yes, ma'am, I'm Louis De Palma. I hope there's no trouble. If there is, I'll be glad to help in any way I can.

Elaine

No, no, it's just that they told me I'd be starting work today as a driver. Oh, here's my hack license.

Louie

You're a cab driver?

Elaine

Uh-huh.

Louie

Whaddaya mean bustin' my chops here makin' believe you're a regular person?

Elaine

[on first meeting Alex] I'm only going to be working here part-time. I'm not really a taxi driver.

Alex

Oh yeah, I know. We're all part-time here. You see that guy over there? Now, he's an actor. The guy on the phone, he's a prize fighter. This lady over here, she's a beautician. The man behind her, he's a writer. Me? I'm a cab driver. I'm the only cab driver in this place.

Louie

Hey, hey, ya wanna great tip? Here it is: Never pick up a cripple.

Elaine

Louie! That is the rottenest thing I ever heard. Y'know, I'm not even gonna bother to tell you why, but first of all, you don't call them "cripples," you call them "handicapped persons."

Louie

You're right. I'm embarrassed. Okay, John, forget what I said. The people you should never pick up are handicapped persons. The reason is in the time it takes you to help one of them in and out of your cab, you could pick up maybe ten guys who could get in and out all by themselves. So, no handicapped persons. Cabs are only for people who can walk.

Alex

You have to forgive Louie, he's himself today.

Tony

Maybe I won't be the first guy to make it out of the garage, but I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna get a rematch with this guy, and I'm gonna be right back here fightin'!

Alex

And I'm gonna be right back here managing you.

Bobby

And I'm gonna be right here rootin' for ya.

Elaine

And I'm gonna be here.

And I'm gonna be here.

Louie

And I'm gonna be here... makin' a fortune.

Elaine

I mean, I can't believe you. You wouldn't go out with a woman if she wasn't good looking?

Bobby

Sure I would... if I was real drunk or somethin'.

Tony

Hey, c'mon, Elaine. Looks matter to women, too. How popular are short, pudgy, ugly men?

Bobby

Yeah, how popular, Louie?

Louie

Y'know, Bobby, I hope someone slams a door on your nose and you sneeze and your head explodes.

Bobby

[remembering cab 804] That cab was like a good luck charm to me. I was in that cab when I got held up.

Elaine

That was luck?

Bobby

I lived!

Bobby

[helping Jim fill out the form for the driving test] Have you ever experienced loss of consciousness, hallucinations, dizzy spells, convulsive disorders, fainting, or periods of loss of memory?

Reverend Jim

Hasn't everyone?

Elaine

Put no.

Bobby

Mental illness or narcotic addiction?

Reverend Jim

That's a tough choice.

Elaine

Put no!

Bobby

OK, that's it! You're ready for the test.

Reverend Jim

I thought that was the test!

Elaine

[after getting out of the jacuzzi] I'm so relaxed I can't remember what tension and unhappiness feel like.

There's a mister Louie De Palma here to see you.

Elaine

I just remembered.

Elaine

Thanks so much Latka for sharing this with us.

Latka

You known in my country everyone shares with everyone.

Elaine

Oh that's beautiful.

Latka

Otherwise they shoot you.

Elaine

Jim, what are you doing here? Where did this model castle come from?

Reverend Jim

It's yours, I made it for you. See Elaine, your fairy tale can come true. Look here's your castle, and your prince awaits. Elaine, I know I'm not the most glamorous guy in the world but...

Elaine

You are truly a sweet decent man.

Reverend Jim

Once there was a time when that was enough.

Elaine

Jim, you changed your name TO Ignatowski?

Reverend Jim

Yeah, you know... it was the 60s and everyone was changing their names to stuff like Sunshine, Free, Moon Unit...

Alex

Well Jim, why Ignatowski?

Reverend Jim

Say it backwards.

Bobby

Iskwotangi.

Reverend Jim

Uh oh, that's not even close to Starchild, is it?

Elaine

Maybe I'm insensitive but I don't see what the problem is, you know, I can't imagine missing that sport.

Bobby

Elaine, boxing is Tony's life. I mean it would be like me if I had to give up acting.

Elaine

But when you act, no one gets brutalized.

Louie

Only the playwright and anyone trapped in the theater.

Elaine

Dress is optional... He means how we dress, not if we dress, right?

Alex

No, I don't think so.

Elaine

Why?

Alex

[showing Elaine his invitation] Yours is the only one that says that.

Reverend Jim

I have dreams that come true.

Elaine

So you're psychic?

Reverend Jim

Yeah, yeah, I'm psychic. I didn't tell you guys about it before, because I didn't want you to think I was offbeat or something.