Alex Reiger quotes from Taxi

Alex

I'm not really a cab driver. I'm just waiting for something better to come along. You know, like death.

Alex

[to his now-overweight ex-wife, at their daughter's wedding] Remember, you haven't lost a daughter - you've gained a ton.

Alex

[Louie's worried about a prediction that Alex will perish under strange circumstances] Louie, if I'm going to die, I'm going to die as I've lived, dancing the can-can in a green shirt and a catcher's mask.

Elaine

[on first meeting Alex] I'm only going to be working here part-time. I'm not really a taxi driver.

Alex

Oh yeah, I know. We're all part-time here. You see that guy over there? Now, he's an actor. The guy on the phone, he's a prize fighter. This lady over here, she's a beautician. The man behind her, he's a writer. Me? I'm a cab driver. I'm the only cab driver in this place.

Louie

Hey, hey, ya wanna great tip? Here it is: Never pick up a cripple.

Elaine

Louie! That is the rottenest thing I ever heard. Y'know, I'm not even gonna bother to tell you why, but first of all, you don't call them "cripples," you call them "handicapped persons."

Louie

You're right. I'm embarrassed. Okay, John, forget what I said. The people you should never pick up are handicapped persons. The reason is in the time it takes you to help one of them in and out of your cab, you could pick up maybe ten guys who could get in and out all by themselves. So, no handicapped persons. Cabs are only for people who can walk.

Alex

You have to forgive Louie, he's himself today.

Tony

Maybe I won't be the first guy to make it out of the garage, but I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna get a rematch with this guy, and I'm gonna be right back here fightin'!

Alex

And I'm gonna be right back here managing you.

Bobby

And I'm gonna be right here rootin' for ya.

Elaine

And I'm gonna be here.

And I'm gonna be here.

Louie

And I'm gonna be here... makin' a fortune.

Tony

Do you remember what you said to your wife to break up with her?

Alex

Yeah, I remember what I said. I said, "Why is that man wearing my pajamas?"

Latka

Louie, why don't you come and join the party?

Louie

No.

Alex

Hey Louie! You'd make us all feel miserable if you did.

Louie

Okay.

Reverend Jim

I take him out for walks in the park everyday.

Alex

I imagine you must get some funny looks uh.

Reverend Jim

Well those poodle people have stopped acting like they own the place.

Listen. I'm gonna need some help in Tony's corner fight night. Now, any of you guys work a fight?

Alex

I was married.

Close enough.

Tony

This is it. This is where Benny Foster works out.

Bobby

I'm kinda disappointed.

Alex

Why?

Bobby

It's the ex champ's gym. I thought it would smell different or something. Be a little classier.

Tony

Are you kidding? The stalls in the bathroom, they got doors.

Tony

Easy for you to say. You're not the one he spends tortured nights dreaming about.

Alex

He said that?

Tony

Nah, I'm just assuming.

Elaine

Jim, you changed your name TO Ignatowski?

Reverend Jim

Yeah, you know... it was the 60s and everyone was changing their names to stuff like Sunshine, Free, Moon Unit...

Alex

Well Jim, why Ignatowski?

Reverend Jim

Say it backwards.

Bobby

Iskwotangi.

Reverend Jim

Uh oh, that's not even close to Starchild, is it?

Alex

It's so quiet up here you can hear yourself think.

Reverend Jim

I don't hear anything.

Alex

Jim, are you alright?

Reverend Jim

Yeah... who are you?

Alex

I'm Alex. We're friends, we work together.

Reverend Jim

What are we, lumberjacks?

Alex

No, we're cabdrivers.

Reverend Jim

I bet we don't do much business up here!