Metatron quotes from Supernatural

Metatron

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there badass. Lighten up. Why do you just assume I won't help?

Sam

Because you're a dickwad.

Metatron

But I'm your dickwad. I have a special place in my... non-heart for you both, to which end ta-da! I would be tickled to help you pop this Biblical zit. To do it you are going to need one specific thing... Your old bud, the First Blade.

Sam

What?

Metatron

As I said ain't life a bitch?

Dean

We have the first blade

Metatron

Not here? Not on your person?

Dean

Not saying, so back to you what’s next?

Metatron

This is where it gets kinda interesting.

Dean

Aha.

Metatron

It’s very lonely here, and I have very little to do but think, and it occurred to me that you really need this mark taken off of you, and in order to do that you really need me. So here’s the deal, that first little tip I gave you, a freebie, just ‘cause you’re you. Every future step, they’re gonna cost you, big, oh and FYI there’s a bunch.

Metatron

What you doing there slugger?

Dean

I’m settling a score that’s taken way too long to settle. Oh and while I do that I’m gonna get some information, and I’m gonna enjoy every minute of it. [He picks up an angel blade] Because you’re going to tell me everything, all of it, and it ain’t gonna cost me a damn dime... slugger.

Metatron

And then Kevin's death all on you, you put him in harms way and kept him there. Gadreel possessing Sam, who was it who tricked Sam into letting him in? And then my personal favorite - Dean Winchester. Whose entire existence is defined by a war on the dark and monstrous, bromancing his way around the country with the King of Hell!

Dean

Let’s try this again. What is, the next step?!

Metatron

What is it you humans say so inelegantly? Oh yes, ‘go screw yourself’

Metatron

I call shotgun!

Castiel

You don't get to make demands, Metatron. You're not in charge here.

Metatron

Oh, I'm afraid I am. I know about the mark. I have your grace. I make the rules. It's called leverage, boys. Learn it, live it, love it.

Metatron

Ow! Ow! [groans]

Castiel

We have your grace, Metatron. You're mortal now. So you will answer our questions, or Sam will, um... What's the phrase? Blow your fricking brains out. It's called leverage, Metatron.

Sam

Learn it, live it, love it.

Metatron

And Goose Bumps- don't even get me started on those! Creepy! And yet.. arousing.

Sam

Cass.

Castiel

[Annoyed] Can I just kill him now?

Metatron

You know I can hear you, right?

Sam

No, we need him alive. For now. Look, after he gives you your grace back, you can do whatever you want with him.

Castiel

Well, I'd like to kill him slowly.

Metatron

I am like two feet from you!

Castiel

[To Sam] Anything on the mark of Cain?

Metatron

Every word- crystal clear!

Sam

No. I mean, I've been digging for something, for anything, but... I don't know, Cass.

Castiel

There is an answer out there. We will find a cure for Dean.

Metatron

[scoffs] I don't know why you'd want to cure that little firecracker now. He's finally interest- [Castiel punches him] Ooh!

Castiel

Well, just keep digging.

Sam

Ya.. [Sees Dean walking in] Yeah, uh, no one here by that name. Sorry. [Hangs up]

Castiel

Sam? [puts his phone down]

Metatron

Lose reception? Or did he hang up on you?

Metatron

[Chuckles] He hung up on you, didn't he? [He gets punched again]

Metatron

You know we really do make a good team, kinda like a buddy comedy -- without the comedy.

Castiel

Or the buddies.

Metatron

Now come on, back at the diner, that was some pretty awesome dynamic duo action.

Metatron

You want the Demon Tablet? Well, you're not gonna get it. I have hidden it very carefully in a place where you and your friends―

Castiel

You hid it... [he reaches into his coat and pulls out the Demon Tablet]... under your mattress. The TV station gave me your address, and I checked the place out. You realize you have bedbugs?

Metatron

Why did you put on the Chuck suit in the first place? How did that make any sense to you?

Chuck

I like front-row seats, y'know. I figured I'd hide out in plain sight, y'know. Plus, y'know, acting is fun.

Metatron

Then you've got some work to do. There are no revelations in this book! And that's weird, given who you are. There's no new information, no soul-bearing.

Chuck

That's because I don't have a soul.

Metatron

Right! But you invented them. You invented souls. Souls! Try shining a light on that. How did that make you feel?

Metatron

Why?

Chuck

Can you be more specific? I kind of get that question a lot about pretty much everything.

Metatron

Why did you create life?

Chuck

I was lonely.

Metatron

Your sister wasn't company enough?

Chuck

I am being. She's nothingness. It's not exactly the makings of a fun two-hander, you know?

Metatron

Yeah. But you didn't stop at one archangel or a handful of angels. You created worlds.

Chuck

I was stupid. Naive. I thought if I could show my sister that there was something more than just us, something better than us, then maybe she'd change. Maybe she'd stop... being... her. But... every time I'd build a new world... she'd destroy it.

Chuck

Nature? Divine. Human nature? Toxic.

Metatron

They do like blowing stuff up.

Chuck

Yeah. And the worst part: they do it in my name. And then they come crying to me, asking me to forgive, to fix things. Never taking any responsibility.

Metatron

It wasn't just the saps who were praying to you. The angels prayed, too. And so did I. Every day.

Chuck

I know.

Metatron

You want to sell the best-selling autobiography of all time? You explain to me. Tell me why you abandoned me. Us.

Chuck

Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me.

Metatron

No, look. I know I'm a disappointment, but you're wrong about humanity. They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are! And sure, they're weak and they cheat and steal and destroy and disappoint! But they also give and create. And they sing and dance and love! And above all, they never give up! But you do.