Crowley quotes from Supernatural

Crowley

Go. The back door. I'll handle this.

Dean

Oh, 'cause you're such a good guy?

Crowley

Right now, I'm the goodest guy you got.

Dean

This don't make us square. I see you again --

Crowley

I'm dead. Yes, I know. I love you, too.

Crowley

Pleasure doing business with you boys, as always.

Crowley

See, that's your problem, love. You think this is a fight.

It's not?

Crowley

It's a campaign. Hearts and minds, that's what's important. See, the demons have a choice -- take orders from the world's angriest ginger -- and that's saying something -- or join my team, where everyone gets a say, a virgin, and all the entrails they can eat. So, think on this, lads. Spread the word -- vote Crowley.

Dean

You want to hunt? With me?

Crowley

I do love a good buddy comedy.

Crowley

Ah, that's, uh, a funny story, really. Bit of a misunderstanding. We really should --

Cain

[motions with his hand and Crowley is rendered speechless] Shh.

Dean

Oh, you gotta teach me how to do that.

Dean

He goes missing for weeks on end without a peep? Well, not one that makes sense, anyway. Listen to this.

Crowley

Dean. Um... [indecipherable ramblings]

Sam

Wait a second. Did he...Drunk-dial you?

Dean

Look at you. You're a mess. You know, we were counting on you. You let us down.

Sam

Your slimy followers were counting on you to kill Abaddon, and you let them down.

Dean

The man with all the mojo -- Captain Evil.

Sam

Oh, it's pathetic.

Crowley

What is this? An intervention?

Sam

You need to focus, Crowley. Get a grip!

Dean

What, you just gonna let Hell go to Hell?

Crowley

You don't know what it's like to be human!

Crowley

I did good, eh, moose? Everything on the list. You're welcome.

Sam

Remember -- stay close, do what I say, and shut the hell up.

Crowley

I'm growing on you, aren't I?

Crowley

Last time we chitchatted, we agreed that you were gonna line up Carrot Top.

Dean

Yep, well...I'm on it.

Crowley

Unless Abaddon likes 10-cent wings, stale beer, and the clap, I doubt that she's here.

For a second there, I thought he made me.

Crowley

He has other things on his mind.

But he did do exactly what you said he would. He saved you.

Crowley

Of course he saved me. We're besties. And now he's ready.

Dean

(on phone) Damn it, Crowley, the grave is guarded!

Crowley

(on phone) That's absurd.

Dean

(on phone) A Hellhound!

Crowley

(on phone) No, no, no, she was collected.

Dean

(on phone) The hell she was!

Sam

Guys!

Crowley

(on phone) Time was, no one would dare disobey the king.

Sam

Guys!

Dean

(on phone) I'm gonna put you on speaker!

Crowley

(on phone) Juliet? It's papa. Stand down. [She does.] You're welcome.

Crowley

Gavin, listen to your father. I know what's... [Gavin slams the door and locks it] ...best for you....

Crowley

[to himself] Kids.

Crowley

Squirrel! I hope you were nice to your father.

Dean

What? Shut up.

Crowley

You'll be fine. Just avoid cheap whiskey and cheap hookers. Look at me, getting all fatherly.

So this is goodbye, then?

Crowley

Yes. Forever. Unless, of course, I catch you smoking, in which case, I'll smack you stupid.

Goodbye, then. And thank you...father.

Crowley

Whoa, whoa. Easy, easy. As you were. Goodbye, Gavin. Oh, uh... Don't go mentioning that whole "Prince of Hell" thing. Doesn't play too well in most circles.

Dean

What the hell's happening to me, you son of a bitch?

Crowley

Liquor before beer, bad taco? How should I know?

Crowley

You never get tired of the rat race? Never get the urge to just...bugger off and howl at the moon? Never ask yourself, "is this it? Is this all there is?" I kicked human blood, you know.

Dean

Oh, so you're full-metal douche again. Well, that's fantastic. Would you like a stuffed bear?

Dean

How's hell, Crowley?

Crowley

Hell's fine. Hell's like a Swiss watch. Don't worry about hell. Hell's complicated.

Dean

"Game of Thrones" is complicated. Shower sex... that's complicated. Hell ain't complicated. Your problem ain't hell. It's you.