Crowley quotes from Supernatural

Kevin

[Deciphering the stone tablet] The next is... "The demonic influence on the collective tapestry of the soul."

Crowley

Blah blah blah. Doesn't anyone ever edit this stuff? So far as a writer, God's a snooze. No fun at parties, I hear.

Kevin

From, the archangel... Metatron.

Crowley

The scribe... and suck-up. Took down God's word, picked up His cleaning.

How dare you.

Crowley

I am the daringest devil you've ever met, love.

Crowley

Am I seeing this? How did you figure it out?

Kevin

It started when they forgot the secret knock. But really, it... it was the way they acted. I don't think on their best day Sam and Dean would go into town and get me a barbecue dinner, not when there are leftover burritos in the fridge.

Crowley

So... my demons were too polite?

Kevin

Yeah.

Crowley

Well, I'll be a son of a whore.

Kevin

You know the Winchesters are up to the third trial? That they're gonna shut the door on Hell?

Crowley

I'm not worried, kid.

Kevin

You have no idea what's on this demon tablet. Right, the power you could have gotten with this, if you weren't running around like a chicken with his head cut off.

Crowley

You think I can't make you tell?

Kevin

I know you can't. And you do too.

Crowley

You know what? I've already won. I have the angel tablet, you little smudge. And I got deals and plans up the jacksie. [he grabs Kevin by the throat] And I don't... need... you!

Sam

How'd you get this number?

Crowley

[On Phone] Ah, first things first... what are you wearing?

Dean

Oh, okay, hanging up now. Hang up.

Sam

What the hell are you doing, Crowley?

Crowley

Oh, Moosie, isn't it obvious? I'm killing everyone you've ever saved -- the damsels in distress, the innocent whipper-snappers, the would-be vampire chow -- all of them.

Dean

Son of a bitch!

Crowley

Son of a witch, actually. My mommy taught me a few tricks.

Crowley

Hello boys. What's that old expression? Success has many fathers, failure is a Winchester. Where's the stone?

Dean

You show us yours, and we'll show you ours.

Crowley

Really Dean, I'm trying to conduct a professional deal here, and you want to talk dangley bits? THE STONE! (Sam shows him their tablet) Wow, wow, slowly! There she is. (he shows them his tablet)

Dean

And the contract? (Crowley throws an extremely long piece of parchment) Yeah, I'm sure there's no hidden agendas in there!

Crowley

The highlights: We swap tablets, and you stand down from the Trials forever.

Sam

And you stop killing everyone we've ever saved.

Crowley

Agreed. (Dean pulls out a pen) Uh, uh, uh, nice try squirrel. Moose is doing his Trials, Moose signs.

Dean

No, he's not signing anything until I read the fine print!

Sam

No, I can read it!

Dean

You wanted me here, I'm here. But I'll be damned if I'll let him screw us even more!

Crowley

What's this? Trouble in paradise?

Abaddon

Hello, boys.

Crowley

That's my line.

Crowley

You did good back there, Moose. Yeah, I'll deny it i-if you ever quote me... but- but, man. I'm proud of you.

Sam

[picks up a spray-paint can] Thanks.

Crowley

Hold on. Uh, w-what's that?

Sam

It's what it looks like. [Sam sprays over the gap in the Devil's Trap]

Crowley

Are you joking? I just saved your life.

Sam

[Chuckles] Seriously?

Crowley

"Seriously?" Me, "Seriously?" We just shared a foxhole, you and I! We beat back the Tet Offensive, outrun the... the Rape of Nanking, together! And still you're going to do me like this?!

Sam

[Sam injects Crowley a sixth time]

Crowley

[Crowley winces] Aah! Aah!.. "Band of Brothers"? "The Pacific"? None of this means anything to you?! All those motels, you never once watched HBO? Not once?! "Girls"!

Sam

[Sam looks at Crowley with a confused look]

Crowley

You're my Marnie, Moose. A-and Hannah, she just.. she needs to be loved. She deserves it. Don't we all? You, me? We deserve to be loved. [Shouts]I deserve to be loved!!!!

Crowley

[softly] I just want to be loved...

Sam

[really confused] What?

Crowley

What?

Crowley

(whistling Somewhere Over The Rainbow)

Crowley

Wow. If it isn't the Scarecrow and the Tin Man.. Your new house guest- so misunderstood. [Sam and Dean don't reply] Neither of you saw "Wicked"?

Sam

What did she say to you?

Crowley

Something along the lines of.. [hisses]

Crowley

If you don't connect me Abaddon right away, I'll be forced to -

Sam

What is it? What happened?

Crowley

I've been placed on hold.

Dean

If you mess with Sam, if you try anything --

Crowley

I keep my bargains. Besides, I don't want to be inside your brother any longer than I have to. I'm not one for sloppy seconds.

Dean

When you find him, say "Poughkeepsie." It's our go word. It means "drop everything and run."

Crowley

Fine. While I'm gone, hands off the suit.

Sam

[heartbreakingly] Did I kill Kevin?

Crowley

No, you didn't. He did. You need to take control, Sam. Blow it up and cast that punk-ass holy roller out!