Bobby Manning quotes from Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye

Just watch for the vultures circling my desk. I know the second my flight gets its wheels up, somebody'll steal my stapler.

Bobby

They do, they'll have to answer to me.

Actually, I was talking about you.

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[Sue has just discovered a commercial she filmed is being used in a senator's reelection campaign without her knowledge]

So what are you gonna do about it?

I'm going to go and exercise another one of my rights, that's what I'm gonna do about it!

[She stomps off.]

Bobby

I hope this isn't the one about the right to bear arms.

I think her bare hands are gonna be enough.

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RRandy

Well, have her contact me when she returns.

[He walks away.]

Bobby

You say jump...

We say, did someone just say something?

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Bobby

In the meantime, Lucy, we need 200 voucher forms.

I'll bite. Why do you need 200 voucher forms?

Operation Paper Chase.

Our target: Randy the ridiculous.

Bobby

Our chosen weapon: forms. Our goal: to bury the man in them.

I'm not following.

You're not the only one.

Randy doesn't wish to reimburse us for car rental or work boots, he can reimburse us for the toothpicks I used in my undercover persona during the Sackbar case.

The pack of gum I chewed in the Burroughs sting.

Bobby

The box of paper clips I used to complete the Curran report. All of which we paid for out of our own pockets.

We got all kinds of receipts, and each one will be attached to its own personal voucher form.

I used three sheets of a yellow pad at home last night for F.B.I. business. That should be three vouchers.

Bobby

Hey!

[Dimitrius, Bobby, and Myles fist bump Sue.]

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It was a good job while it lasted.

I’m sure your friend in Wisconsin will be glad to have his identity back.

I have a bone to pick with you, Mister. Seems you’ve been cheating on me. With one of my own friends, no less.

You talked to Janice.

So, any chance we can work this out? Or do I have to file for divorce?

[Tara pretends to get teary.]

Okay, now that you’ve had your fun is there any chance we can keep this on the down low?

Bobby

What? Keep the tabloid story of the century off the airwaves? Actually, we have a nice little office pool going. I say Sparky and Tara will weather the storm and stay together.

Yeah, but the smart money’s on Sue, the home wrecker, landing her man.

What did I miss? What are you guys talking about?

Bobby

Jack and Sue making out in the dragon lady’s office at Callahan and Merced.

What?!

We weren’t… we… we weren’t making out.

You want to go under oath and say that? We have a reliable witness.

It was part of the undercover.

So you were making out?

It wasn’t making out.

Bobby

What exactly was it?

[Jack and Sue look to each other.]

We’re late.

[He leaves.]

You can’t get away with this that easily, two-timer! I want justice!

I want to hear every detail.

[Sue leaves without answering.]

Bobby

Woo hoo!

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I've never heard of half the stuff on Anita's special shopping list. Free-range egg white extract?

Probably on the shelf right next to wheat-free soy lasagna.

Ah, the good host syndrome. Open your door to a wayward traveler, and before you know it, you're at their mercy. Your routines disrupted, your cupboards emptied, the sanctity of your castle hopelessly compromised.

What do you recommend, Sir Myles? Toss them out in the street?

No, I recommend a drawbridge and a moat. Never let them breach the gates in the first place.

Bobby

I follow the three day law. They stay longer than that, I throw their gear on the porch, change the locks, turn on the sprinklers.

Now that's hospitable.

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Bobby

I wonder what would happen if they took the best parts of all of us and made one super cyber F.B.I. agent? We'd start with my looks, of course.

My brain. Sue's heart. Sorry, Myles.

I'll try to get over it.

Lucy's smile. Jack's eyes.

[Sue's and Jack's eyes both widen as they realize what she said.]

Thank you.

[confusedly] Did I mention Lucy's smile?

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[Reading from MindProphet literature] If you want to learn more about becoming your true self, MindProphet invites you to meet with a senior member, who will help you determine if you are being held back by false selves.

Bobby

I'm gonna take a wild guess every seeker is held back by at least one false self.

And getting rid of those false selves costs a lot of money.

Actually, it costs whatever you have. Eventually, they have you sign over everything to them.

Oh, a bargain if it allows you to find that one pesky self you've been looking for but unable to pin down.

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Well, I learned a valuable piece of information today. Don't walk up to somebody in a small town and ask what's new unless you really want to know.

Bobby

And on that note, did you know that the football coach is in danger of losing his job? Pity, he's had some good years.

But it's much more complicated than that. Some people think the principal has it in for the coach because they both have eyes for the new home ec teacher.

Ahhh!

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Bobby

Tara? You like that band Mojo Gogo, right?

You kidding? I happen to know she's a card-carrying member of their fan club.