[The team is watching a surveillance video of a bank robber dressed as Santa Claus.]
I've seen that face before.
And that round little belly. I hear it shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly.
TaraMy intelligence sources say he works with a group of reindeer--the gang of eight.
Yeah, and their leader's a young buck, Rudolph, code name Red-Nose.
There's two things you don't mess with: Elvis and Santa.
All right, this is serious. We are talking about armed bank robbery here.
All right, Myles is right.
We promise we won't make fun of Santa anymore.
[Myles turns back to the screen.]
Because if we did, we might get coal in our stockings.
[Bobby laughs. Myles turns and looks at Sue.]
Sorry, it just slipped out.
[Myles throws down his papers and walks away.]
Oh, Merry Christmas, Ebenezer!
[Myles has just gone over an in-depth plan to catch the art forger who swindled him, complete with map and pointer]
Tara
Very thorough. And precise, just the way we like it.
I don't think the invasion at Normandy was this well planned.
[The team has just discovered that Sue and Jack are going undercover as a married couple. The team enters]
And here are the newlyweds now.
[The team begins to throw confetti on Jack and Sue]
Tara
Ah, to be young, and in love.
I'm always amazed at how quick word travels in this building...
It's the FBI, the walls have ears.
Speaking of ears, hear that clanging, Sparky? That's the sound of your ball and chain. [Winks at Sue]
Hey, Sue, the boys are going out for a beer after work. Can Jack come?
As long as he's home in time to mow the lawn.
[Myles enters]
Tara
You missed it. Jack and Sue got married.
I went out for a tuna sandwich, how long was I gone?
[Sue and Jack went undercover as a married couple]
Tara
I've heard that the traits that originally attract you to a person are the ones that end up driving you nuts. Would either of you care to confirm or deny that rumour?
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
...with Jack it's a whole new set of traits that drive you crazy.
Tara
You're not going with me. I don't need a babysitter.
We can be a team. You can be good cop, I'll be bad cop.
Tara
Bobby.
Tara
I'm gonna be the cop that leaves--alone.
I'm starting to get the feeling you don't want me to come with you.
Tara
Just watch for the vultures circling my desk. I know the second my flight gets its wheels up, somebody'll steal my stapler.
They do, they'll have to answer to me.
Tara
Actually, I was talking about you.
Tara
Firewall I can’t crack hasn’t been invented yet. Except the one I used which was invented by me.
[Jack hugs Tara. Sue and Janice enter the office.]
Working late again, I see?
Sue, aren’t you and Janice supposed to be going out to dinner together?
I forgot my cell phone and Ms. Kern is prone to calling me at all hours so we came back to get it. [to Sue] Certainly works the over time, doesn’t he?
Tara
Hi, I’m Tara, just flew in from Milwaukee to surprise my hubby.
I see. Well, I hope you have a pleasant visit. Don’t work too hard.
[She glares at Jack as she exits.]
Tara
Why do I get the feeling I missed something?
It was a good job while it lasted.
I’m sure your friend in Wisconsin will be glad to have his identity back.
Tara
I have a bone to pick with you, Mister. Seems you’ve been cheating on me. With one of my own friends, no less.
Tara
So, any chance we can work this out? Or do I have to file for divorce?
[Tara pretends to get teary.]
Okay, now that you’ve had your fun is there any chance we can keep this on the down low?
What? Keep the tabloid story of the century off the airwaves? Actually, we have a nice little office pool going. I say Sparky and Tara will weather the storm and stay together.
Yeah, but the smart money’s on Sue, the home wrecker, landing her man.
What did I miss? What are you guys talking about?
Jack and Sue making out in the dragon lady’s office at Callahan and Merced.
We weren’t… we… we weren’t making out.
You want to go under oath and say that? We have a reliable witness.
It was part of the undercover.
[Jack and Sue look to each other.]
[He leaves.]
Tara
You can’t get away with this that easily, two-timer! I want justice!
I want to hear every detail.
[Sue leaves without answering.]
I've never heard of half the stuff on Anita's special shopping list. Free-range egg white extract?
Probably on the shelf right next to wheat-free soy lasagna.
Ah, the good host syndrome. Open your door to a wayward traveler, and before you know it, you're at their mercy. Your routines disrupted, your cupboards emptied, the sanctity of your castle hopelessly compromised.
Tara
What do you recommend, Sir Myles? Toss them out in the street?
No, I recommend a drawbridge and a moat. Never let them breach the gates in the first place.
I follow the three day law. They stay longer than that, I throw their gear on the porch, change the locks, turn on the sprinklers.
Tara
Now that's hospitable.
I wonder what would happen if they took the best parts of all of us and made one super cyber F.B.I. agent? We'd start with my looks, of course.
Tara
My brain. Sue's heart. Sorry, Myles.
Lucy's smile. Jack's eyes.
[Sue's and Jack's eyes both widen as they realize what she said.]
[confusedly] Did I mention Lucy's smile?
Tara? You like that band Mojo Gogo, right?
You kidding? I happen to know she's a card-carrying member of their fan club.
Tara
I don't actually have a card.
How would you like to see the band perform tonight, up-close and personal?
Tara
I'd love it! [Pauses and looks suspiciously at Bobby] What's the catch?
[Bobby and Tara have just gotten back from the concert and are walking up Tara's front walk, having a friendly debate]
...but it makes no sense.
Tara
Sure it does.
"Hamsters in my heart"? Look, fair enough, fair enough; I know you love your Mojo Gogo, but what kind of lyric is "I've got hamsters in my heart"?
Tara
It's a metaphor.
Tara
For... something which, if I explained it to you, would be far too deep for you to understand.
You see? You don't understand it either!
Tara
Okay, okay. It's a stupid lyric. But it's got a great beat. You can dance to it.
[Tara starts humming and dancing]
Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye · 60 quotes
