[The team is watching a surveillance video of a bank robber dressed as Santa Claus.]
I've seen that face before.
And that round little belly. I hear it shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly.
My intelligence sources say he works with a group of reindeer--the gang of eight.
DimitriusYeah, and their leader's a young buck, Rudolph, code name Red-Nose.
There's two things you don't mess with: Elvis and Santa.
All right, this is serious. We are talking about armed bank robbery here.
All right, Myles is right.
Dimitrius
Oh, bah, humbug.
We promise we won't make fun of Santa anymore.
[Myles turns back to the screen.]
Because if we did, we might get coal in our stockings.
[Bobby laughs. Myles turns and looks at Sue.]
Sorry, it just slipped out.
[Myles throws down his papers and walks away.]
Oh, Merry Christmas, Ebenezer!
[After the team has spent hours looking through mountains of paperwork, Myles holds up a paper in front of Jack. Jack glances at it, then glances at Myles and back.]
Myles, if you were anyone else, I would kiss you right now.
If you were anyone else, I might let you.
Somebody give Myles a kiss. I think he found our needle.
Dimitrius
Levi?
[Levi looks at Myles and whines];;
[holds up hands] It's okay.
[Sue has come directly from a formal gala to the crime scene and is wearing an elegant dress]
If I had known this was going to be a formal crime scene I would have dressed for the occasion.
Dimitrius
You wouldn't have looked like that.
[The team has just discovered that Sue and Jack are going undercover as a married couple. The team enters]
And here are the newlyweds now.
[The team begins to throw confetti on Jack and Sue]
Ah, to be young, and in love.
I'm always amazed at how quick word travels in this building...
Dimitrius
It's the FBI, the walls have ears.
Speaking of ears, hear that clanging, Sparky? That's the sound of your ball and chain. [Winks at Sue]
Dimitrius
Hey, Sue, the boys are going out for a beer after work. Can Jack come?
As long as he's home in time to mow the lawn.
[Myles enters]
You missed it. Jack and Sue got married.
I went out for a tuna sandwich, how long was I gone?
[Myles, Bobby and Dimitrius are undercover as movers helping Jack and Sue move into their undercover house. Myles is mildly injured and has supervised rather than moving furniture. They are talking to Jack and Sue]
Dimitrius
What he means is that if we have to move one more piece of furniture, we might become terrorists.
So, let's gather up our things and, uh, we'll leave you two love birds alone.
[to Bobby and Dimitrius] You two want to grab that cart. [Bobby and Dimitrius give him a nasty look]. At Aardvark we do not tolerate workers with surly attitudes. This will be going on your permanent records. [walks away]
I can't wait to get my gun back.
In the meantime, Lucy, we need 200 voucher forms.
I'll bite. Why do you need 200 voucher forms?
Dimitrius
Operation Paper Chase.
Our target: Randy the ridiculous.
Our chosen weapon: forms. Our goal: to bury the man in them.
Randy doesn't wish to reimburse us for car rental or work boots, he can reimburse us for the toothpicks I used in my undercover persona during the Sackbar case.
Dimitrius
The pack of gum I chewed in the Burroughs sting.
The box of paper clips I used to complete the Curran report. All of which we paid for out of our own pockets.
Dimitrius
We got all kinds of receipts, and each one will be attached to its own personal voucher form.
I used three sheets of a yellow pad at home last night for F.B.I. business. That should be three vouchers.
[Dimitrius, Bobby, and Myles fist bump Sue.]
It was a good job while it lasted.
I’m sure your friend in Wisconsin will be glad to have his identity back.
I have a bone to pick with you, Mister. Seems you’ve been cheating on me. With one of my own friends, no less.
So, any chance we can work this out? Or do I have to file for divorce?
[Tara pretends to get teary.]
Okay, now that you’ve had your fun is there any chance we can keep this on the down low?
What? Keep the tabloid story of the century off the airwaves? Actually, we have a nice little office pool going. I say Sparky and Tara will weather the storm and stay together.
Dimitrius
Yeah, but the smart money’s on Sue, the home wrecker, landing her man.
What did I miss? What are you guys talking about?
Jack and Sue making out in the dragon lady’s office at Callahan and Merced.
We weren’t… we… we weren’t making out.
Dimitrius
You want to go under oath and say that? We have a reliable witness.
It was part of the undercover.
[Jack and Sue look to each other.]
[He leaves.]
You can’t get away with this that easily, two-timer! I want justice!
I want to hear every detail.
[Sue leaves without answering.]
[Reading from MindProphet literature] If you want to learn more about becoming your true self, MindProphet invites you to meet with a senior member, who will help you determine if you are being held back by false selves.
I'm gonna take a wild guess every seeker is held back by at least one false self.
And getting rid of those false selves costs a lot of money.
Dimitrius
Actually, it costs whatever you have. Eventually, they have you sign over everything to them.
Oh, a bargain if it allows you to find that one pesky self you've been looking for but unable to pin down.
[Sue has agreed to help Randy on a date with a deaf woman.]
All Sue has to do is teach Randy a few wrong signs. Like instead of 'It's nice to meet you. You look beautiful,' maybe something like [Jack and Dimitrius enter] 'I'm a pompous idiot and there's no way any woman in her right mind would go out with me.'
What'd we miss? Somebody slip him some truth serum?
Dimitrius
Let it out, Myles. The truth will set you free.
Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye · 60 quotes
