Jack Hudson quotes from Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye

Jack

Okay, ladies and gents, this is what we get paid the medium bucks for.

Jack

Yes, Myles, if you're right, you can say you told me so. And I know you will, in that special way that makes us all love you so. But for now, you put your nose in those books and humor me on this one, okay?

Jack

I want you to get back in there with him. Keep trying to turn him as long as we've got.

Sue

You saw how it went. All he did was shrug off his problems and make passes at me. You could have done that well without being able to communicate with him at all.

Jack

Well, I doubt he would have made passes at me.

Jack

Thousands of dollars worth of surveillance equipment. They're carrying on a conversation, and we are completely clueless.

Bobby

Hmm. Little window into what they must feel like sometimes, eh?

Sue

I've seen that face before.

Jack

And that round little belly. I hear it shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly.

Tara

My intelligence sources say he works with a group of reindeer--the gang of eight.

Dimitrius

Yeah, and their leader's a young buck, Rudolph, code name Red-Nose.

Bobby

There's two things you don't mess with: Elvis and Santa.

Myles

All right, this is serious. We are talking about armed bank robbery here.

Jack

All right, Myles is right.

Dimitrius

Oh, bah, humbug.

Jack

We promise we won't make fun of Santa anymore.

Sue

Because if we did, we might get coal in our stockings.

Sue

Sorry, it just slipped out.

Bobby

Oh, Merry Christmas, Ebenezer!

She has an agenda, and it doesn't match ours. So walk softly and carry a big 'no comment'.

Bobby

No worries.

Bobby

I can take care of her, boys. It's the accent. Gets 'em every time.

Myles

She's gonna put him on a barbie and have him for lunch.

Jack

Yeah.

Jack

Myles, if you were anyone else, I would kiss you right now.

Myles

If you were anyone else, I might let you.

Jack

Somebody give Myles a kiss. I think he found our needle.

Dimitrius

Levi?

Myles

[holds up hands] It's okay.

Bobby

I thought you knew where the British Embassy was.

Jack

I do. It's right around the corner.

Bobby

That's what you said three laps ago.

Sue

Just look at the map.

Bobby

Don't do it. Not worth the humility.

Jack

Real men don't need maps.

Sue

Oh give it to me. I don't have the "male map phobia" gene.

Don't fill up on pizza. Bobby's cooking. He's been working on a wonderful recipe for Rock Cornish Hen.

Jack

[incredulously] Bobby's what?

Myles

[Quietly, to Lucy] This is the man who told me he wanted to move the stove out of the kitchen to make room for a pinball machine.

Sue

Lucy, what do you think? Should I wear my hair up or down?

Lucy

Up.

Jack

Down.

Sue

What?

Lucy

Jack likes your hair down.

Sue

You do?

Jack

[still uncomfortable] What, can't a guy have an opinion on hair?

Bobby

Well put, Sparky. Nice to see you're not afraid to show your feminine hairdresser side.

Jack

You all need professional help.

Sue

Please don't ever make yourself a target again, or I might take you out. [raises her fist]

Jack

[laughs and raises his hands in surrender] Okay.

Myles

We will hunt him down. We will not rest until this--this vile creature, this destroyer of all that is beautiful and good is brought to justice.

Jack

We're looking for an art forger, Myles, not Hannibal Lector.

Myles

Only a few gradations of separation on the slimy scale of criminality.

Tara

Very thorough. And precise, just the way we like it.

Jack

I don't think the invasion at Normandy was this well planned.

Lucy

And here are the newlyweds now.

Tara

Ah, to be young, and in love.

Jack

I'm always amazed at how quick word travels in this building...

Dimitrius

It's the FBI, the walls have ears.

Bobby

Speaking of ears, hear that clanging, Sparky? That's the sound of your ball and chain. [Winks at Sue]

Dimitrius

Hey, Sue, the boys are going out for a beer after work. Can Jack come?

Sue

As long as he's home in time to mow the lawn.

Myles

What happened?

Tara

You missed it. Jack and Sue got married.

Myles

I went out for a tuna sandwich, how long was I gone?

Tara

I've heard that the traits that originally attract you to a person are the ones that end up driving you nuts. Would either of you care to confirm or deny that rumour?

Sue

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Jack

Thank you.

Sue

...with Jack it's a whole new set of traits that drive you crazy.