Myles quotes from Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye

Bobby

We're done here.

Dimitrius

What he means is that if we have to move one more piece of furniture, we might become terrorists.

Bobby

So, let's gather up our things and, uh, we'll leave you two love birds alone.

Myles

[to Bobby and Dimitrius] You two want to grab that cart. [Bobby and Dimitrius give him a nasty look]. At Aardvark we do not tolerate workers with surly attitudes. This will be going on your permanent records. [walks away]

Bobby

I can't wait to get my gun back.

Myles

How can someone sound cute?

Lucy

Not to worry Myles, that's a problem you'll never have.

Myles

This is an engraved invitation to the big dance of history, and all I have to do is slit open that golden envelope and show up on time in my Kevlar tuxedo!

Lucy

It's official. You've finally lost it.

Well, have her contact me when she returns.

Bobby

You say jump...

Myles

We say, did someone just say something?

Bobby

In the meantime, Lucy, we need 200 voucher forms.

Jack

I'll bite. Why do you need 200 voucher forms?

Dimitrius

Operation Paper Chase.

Myles

Our target: Randy the ridiculous.

Bobby

Our chosen weapon: forms. Our goal: to bury the man in them.

Sue

I'm not following.

Lucy

You're not the only one.

Myles

Randy doesn't wish to reimburse us for car rental or work boots, he can reimburse us for the toothpicks I used in my undercover persona during the Sackbar case.

Dimitrius

The pack of gum I chewed in the Burroughs sting.

Bobby

The box of paper clips I used to complete the Curran report. All of which we paid for out of our own pockets.

Dimitrius

We got all kinds of receipts, and each one will be attached to its own personal voucher form.

Sue

I used three sheets of a yellow pad at home last night for F.B.I. business. That should be three vouchers.

Bobby

Hey!

Myles

How we gonna do that? The reason Chinese gangs are called Chinese gangs is that all the members of the gang tend to be Chinese.

Lucy

How do you do it, Myles? Always so insightful.

Myles

If ever I show the slightest bit of arrogance around any of you, please call me on it.

Lucy

You better have call waiting 'cause that's gonna be one busy phone line.

Tara

Is that request retroactive?

Lucy

I've never heard of half the stuff on Anita's special shopping list. Free-range egg white extract?

Sue

Probably on the shelf right next to wheat-free soy lasagna.

Myles

Ah, the good host syndrome. Open your door to a wayward traveler, and before you know it, you're at their mercy. Your routines disrupted, your cupboards emptied, the sanctity of your castle hopelessly compromised.

Tara

What do you recommend, Sir Myles? Toss them out in the street?

Myles

No, I recommend a drawbridge and a moat. Never let them breach the gates in the first place.

Bobby

I follow the three day law. They stay longer than that, I throw their gear on the porch, change the locks, turn on the sprinklers.

Tara

Now that's hospitable.

Bobby

I wonder what would happen if they took the best parts of all of us and made one super cyber F.B.I. agent? We'd start with my looks, of course.

Tara

My brain. Sue's heart. Sorry, Myles.

Myles

I'll try to get over it.

Sue

Lucy's smile. Jack's eyes.

Jack

Thank you.

Sue

[confusedly] Did I mention Lucy's smile?

Myles

You left the keys in the car?! How could you leave the keys in the car?!

I wanted to make sure I didn't lose them again.

Myles

Howie, you have taken a less than desirable situation and made it less than less than desirable!

Lucy

[Reading from MindProphet literature] If you want to learn more about becoming your true self, MindProphet invites you to meet with a senior member, who will help you determine if you are being held back by false selves.

Bobby

I'm gonna take a wild guess every seeker is held back by at least one false self.

Jack

And getting rid of those false selves costs a lot of money.

Dimitrius

Actually, it costs whatever you have. Eventually, they have you sign over everything to them.

Myles

Oh, a bargain if it allows you to find that one pesky self you've been looking for but unable to pin down.

Myles

All Sue has to do is teach Randy a few wrong signs. Like instead of 'It's nice to meet you. You look beautiful,' maybe something like [Jack and Dimitrius enter] 'I'm a pompous idiot and there's no way any woman in her right mind would go out with me.'

Jack

What'd we miss? Somebody slip him some truth serum?

Dimitrius

Let it out, Myles. The truth will set you free.

Myles

Well, I learned a valuable piece of information today. Don't walk up to somebody in a small town and ask what's new unless you really want to know.

Bobby

And on that note, did you know that the football coach is in danger of losing his job? Pity, he's had some good years.

Jack

But it's much more complicated than that. Some people think the principal has it in for the coach because they both have eyes for the new home ec teacher.

Myles

Ahhh!

Myles

This is Timmy Chambers, he's a busboy who was working last night. He claims he heard an altercation here in the alley.

Actually, I'm not a busboy, I'm a tenor.

Bobby

As in "Pavarotti" tenor?

Singing - it's my heart. My willingness to clear tables? That demonstrates m-my commitment to it.

Myles

Well, now that you've clarified your station in life, perhaps you could tell us where the people were arguing.