Jack Hudson quotes from Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye

Jack

Must be nice to have such a warm and fuzzy outlook on life.

Sue

That's just the kind of attitude I'd expect from a guy who goes to bars to meet women!

Jack

Our first fight?

Sue

Probably not our last.

Lucy

So what are you gonna do about it?

Sue

I'm going to go and exercise another one of my rights, that's what I'm gonna do about it!

Bobby

I hope this isn't the one about the right to bear arms.

Jack

I think her bare hands are gonna be enough.

Jack

I've just been informed that you're spending too much time here. The Bureau wants rent.

Sue

Tell them to take it out of the overtime pay. Oh wait, I forgot there is none.

Bobby

In the meantime, Lucy, we need 200 voucher forms.

Jack

I'll bite. Why do you need 200 voucher forms?

Dimitrius

Operation Paper Chase.

Myles

Our target: Randy the ridiculous.

Bobby

Our chosen weapon: forms. Our goal: to bury the man in them.

Sue

I'm not following.

Lucy

You're not the only one.

Myles

Randy doesn't wish to reimburse us for car rental or work boots, he can reimburse us for the toothpicks I used in my undercover persona during the Sackbar case.

Dimitrius

The pack of gum I chewed in the Burroughs sting.

Bobby

The box of paper clips I used to complete the Curran report. All of which we paid for out of our own pockets.

Dimitrius

We got all kinds of receipts, and each one will be attached to its own personal voucher form.

Sue

I used three sheets of a yellow pad at home last night for F.B.I. business. That should be three vouchers.

Bobby

Hey!

Janice

Sue? Mr. Buchanan?

Jack

Miss Clark!

Janice

What are you doing in here? Well, I can see what you’re doing in here.

Jack

You were really good back there. [Sue stares at him.] I mean, the deposition line.

Sue

Yeah, you too. [Hastily clarifying] With the deposition. That was quick thinking.

Jack

Good teamwork.

Sue

It’s all about teamwork.

Jack

You know that moment back there that was a response to a situation.

Sue

Very effective.

Jack

Cause I would never… Well I mean… I…

Sue

It certainly changes our cover story.

Jack

I don’t know, I don’t think it’s a big problem. Do you?

Sue

No, probably just a few more looks around the water cooler.

Jack

Probably not the first time they’ve seen a boss/secretary thing.

Sue

Probably not.

Sue

Well, I better get home. See how Levi and Lucy are kissing along… getting along. [Jack chuckles.] How they’re getting along.

Jack

Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning.

Tara

Firewall I can’t crack hasn’t been invented yet. Except the one I used which was invented by me.

Jack

You’re the best.

Janice

Mr. Buchanan?

Jack

Janice. Hi.

Janice

Working late again, I see?

Jack

Sue, aren’t you and Janice supposed to be going out to dinner together?

Sue

We were, I mean we are.

Janice

I forgot my cell phone and Ms. Kern is prone to calling me at all hours so we came back to get it. [to Sue] Certainly works the over time, doesn’t he?

Tara

Hi, I’m Tara, just flew in from Milwaukee to surprise my hubby.

Janice

I see. Well, I hope you have a pleasant visit. Don’t work too hard.

Tara

Why do I get the feeling I missed something?

Jack

Office politics.

Jack

It was a good job while it lasted.

Sue

I’m sure your friend in Wisconsin will be glad to have his identity back.

Tara

I have a bone to pick with you, Mister. Seems you’ve been cheating on me. With one of my own friends, no less.

Sue

You talked to Janice.

Tara

So, any chance we can work this out? Or do I have to file for divorce?

Jack

Okay, now that you’ve had your fun is there any chance we can keep this on the down low?

Bobby

What? Keep the tabloid story of the century off the airwaves? Actually, we have a nice little office pool going. I say Sparky and Tara will weather the storm and stay together.

Dimitrius

Yeah, but the smart money’s on Sue, the home wrecker, landing her man.

Lucy

What did I miss? What are you guys talking about?

Bobby

Jack and Sue making out in the dragon lady’s office at Callahan and Merced.

Lucy

What?!

Jack

We weren’t… we… we weren’t making out.

Dimitrius

You want to go under oath and say that? We have a reliable witness.

Sue

It was part of the undercover.

Lucy

So you were making out?

Jack

It wasn’t making out.

Bobby

What exactly was it?

Jack

We’re late.

Tara

You can’t get away with this that easily, two-timer! I want justice!

Lucy

I want to hear every detail.

Bobby

Woo hoo!

Bobby

I wonder what would happen if they took the best parts of all of us and made one super cyber F.B.I. agent? We'd start with my looks, of course.

Tara

My brain. Sue's heart. Sorry, Myles.

Myles

I'll try to get over it.

Sue

Lucy's smile. Jack's eyes.

Jack

Thank you.

Sue

[confusedly] Did I mention Lucy's smile?

Lucy

[Reading from MindProphet literature] If you want to learn more about becoming your true self, MindProphet invites you to meet with a senior member, who will help you determine if you are being held back by false selves.

Bobby

I'm gonna take a wild guess every seeker is held back by at least one false self.

Jack

And getting rid of those false selves costs a lot of money.

Dimitrius

Actually, it costs whatever you have. Eventually, they have you sign over everything to them.

Myles

Oh, a bargain if it allows you to find that one pesky self you've been looking for but unable to pin down.

Myles

All Sue has to do is teach Randy a few wrong signs. Like instead of 'It's nice to meet you. You look beautiful,' maybe something like [Jack and Dimitrius enter] 'I'm a pompous idiot and there's no way any woman in her right mind would go out with me.'

Jack

What'd we miss? Somebody slip him some truth serum?

Dimitrius

Let it out, Myles. The truth will set you free.

Myles

Well, I learned a valuable piece of information today. Don't walk up to somebody in a small town and ask what's new unless you really want to know.

Bobby

And on that note, did you know that the football coach is in danger of losing his job? Pity, he's had some good years.

Jack

But it's much more complicated than that. Some people think the principal has it in for the coach because they both have eyes for the new home ec teacher.

Myles

Ahhh!

Jack

First it was Hannah and Randy, and now it's Tara and Horace. We've got to stop dating like this.

Sue

Did you say dating?

Jack

[flustered] No, I said meeting. We've got to stop meeting like this.

Sue

I think you said dating.

Jack

Where's our waitress? Maybe we should order now.

Bobby

Tara? You like that band Mojo Gogo, right?

Jack

You kidding? I happen to know she's a card-carrying member of their fan club.

Tara

I don't actually have a card.

Bobby

How would you like to see the band perform tonight, up-close and personal?

Tara

I'd love it! [Pauses and looks suspiciously at Bobby] What's the catch?

Bobby

You have to go with me.

Jack

Pretty big catch.