Connie Maheswaran quotes from Steven Universe

Connie

I can do it for him

You'd do it for her

Pearl

Okay, now do that again ("Yes, ma'am.")

Connie

I'll do it for him.

[sighs] I had a rough day at work and I'm not in the mood for any more surprises.

Connie

What happened at work?

[takes off her jacket and hangs it on Rose's sword, mistaking it for a coat rack] There was a really strange case at the hospital today, straight out of a nightmare. [beat] Oh, don't worry, the rules of doctor-patient confidentiality keep me from sharing the graphic details, but... [realizing] Hang on a moment. When did we get a coat rack?

Connie

Oh, no...

[shocked] A SWORD?! Connie, where did you get this?!

Steven

I-it's—

Connie

I found it! I just... found it outside and I wanted to show it to Steven.

How could you possibly think this is okay?!

Connie

It's—

Do you know how many children I see everyday in the hospital who've cut their faces off playing with swords?!

Connie

I—

NONE!! Because they all have parents who love them, and who don't let them play around with deadly weapons like some kind of gang member! No playing with swords, under any circumstances! [her cell phone rings, answers it] This is Dr. Maheswaran. Yes, calm down, Stromberg. Another one?

Steven

[to Connie] Is she gonna give it back?

All right, I'll-I'll be right there. [zips sword in duffle bag] I have to go to the hospital. I'll have a talk with your father to calculate just how grounded you are. [leaves, comes back] And we're using the abacus! [leaves again]

Connie

I hate that abacus. Steven, I'm so sorry. She took your mother's sword!

Steven

Maybe we can get her to change her mind?

Connie

She never ever changes her mind. We've got to get that sword back ourselves.

Connie

Mom... I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.

Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?

Connie

..Maybe.

I just wanted to be a good mother. I... I just wanted to protect you.

Connie

I can protect myself now! [Dr. Maheswaran pauses for a long beat, sighs]

Okay. [Connie winces] We'll... pull back on the rules, and I'll try to keep an open mind about [Connie's lenses] this, and [Lion] that, and... him. [Steven stays frightened] It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I... I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?

Connie

[beat] That's a rule. [they embrace each other]

I love you, honey.

Connie

I love you too, Mom.

Connie

[holds up crying Baby Steven in front of everyone] We were just talking, then all of a sudden…

Pearl

He turned back into a baby?!

Connie

Yes!

Amethyst

Dude, I told you. Stretching your body out for that long is not good for you. [Baby Steven talks in baby language in response; holds him up to Pearl] Here you go, Pearl.

Pearl

Oh, no, no, don't give him to me!

Garnet

Hand him over, Amethyst.

Amethyst

Here you go. [gives her Baby Steven]

Connie

How can the Gems not know what to do?!

Greg

You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me! But I don't get it. Driving always used to calm him down.

Connie

But, how do we change him back?!

Greg

I don't know! Look, Connie, let me take you home. I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.

Connie

W-Wait, no! I wanna stay.

Greg

Are you sure?

Connie

Yeah! I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry, Steven. It doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has to earn his car wash and the Gems have to do gem stuff, so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl, too. Doesn't that sound fun? [Baby Steven holds onto her finger; cooing happily]

Greg

Look at that. He finally stopped crying.

Connie

Well, that's a start. [Amethyst clears her throat]

Greg

What's up, Amethyst?

Amethyst

Baby Steven needs changin'.

Connie

Still mad about Kevin?

Steven

Yes.

Connie

Me too. [Steven sits up]

Steven

You don't seem mad.

Connie

[sits up] I'm thinking mad. I still feel like there's something big I want to say to him, you know? Something to make him think, like we're thinking.

Steven

Yeah. Too bad we can't just... race against him—to use the first place ribbon to wipe that smug look off his face!

Connie

But we're kids. Kids can't drive. That's against the law.

Steven

We weren't kids when we met Kevin.

Connie

[smirking] I smell what you're steppin' in.

Steven

Ew.

Connie

All we have to do is follow these tracks. [takes a handful of snow and tastes it] Yeah. These are fresh. We trail it until it stops to rest.

Steven

Wow, Connie! You're a wilderness expert.

Connie

Well, I like to be prepared. When civilization collapses and this world ends, I need to be ready to build the new one.

Steven

Yeah. I guess if Homeworld invades Earth, things could get pretty crazy for humanity.

Connie

Forget Gems! Humans are already starting their own demise! Peak oils, Steven! How do we handle terminal decline without alternate energy sources?!

Jasper

[confronting Amethyst] I came here to fight Rose, not some runt!

Amethyst

You think you can just keep showing up and picking fights with us? Hah! Why don't you get a life?!

Jasper

Fighting is my life! It's what I was made for! [points at her] It's what you were made for too, runt!

Amethyst

So? I've got other stuff goin' on. I can fight JUST FINE!! [lashes her whip at Jasper, who catches it easily]

Jasper

Well, then... let's see it!

Jasper

You're not even trying. Is it because you know you're already a failure? [Amethyst looks up at her] You're a quartz soldier, just like me. But you're not like me, are you?

Jasper

You're small! [begins rapidly punching Amethyst, slamming her down; Steven sees them]

Steven

Amethyst?! [the monster lunges its hand near them]

Jasper

Are you that desperate for troops, Rose, that you keep a defect like this?! [Amethyst slowly stands up]

Amethyst

Rose said... I'm perfect... the way I am!

Jasper

Then she had low standards. [an enraged Amethyst charges at Jasper with her spin-dash] You... could've been me! [kicks Amethyst into the air, falls down as she watches Jasper face to face] And what are you instead? [Amethyst slams into the ground]

Amethyst! [a badly bruised Amethyst looks back at Jasper]

Jasper

Just a joke.

Steven

[finding Connie sitting sadly on the stairs by the warp pad] Hey, what's wrong?

Connie

I did something terrible at school, and I don't know what to do.

Steven

Well, that doesn't sound like you. What happened?

Connie

I beat someone up.

Steven

What?! (Who?)

Connie

A kid I didn't know. He just bumped into me in the hallway. I was so startled, my training instincts kicked in. I just reacted. I was so embarrassed, I just ran away.

Steven

But you didn't mean to hurt him! [sighs] I know what it's like. Sometimes, you hurt people by accident. Y-you just have to try not to think about it.

Connie

We're falling! Steven! Let's fuse! We can hover, we'll be okay! Steven? [sees Steven covering his face with his tears falling upwards into the sky]

Steven

I didn't want to hurt anyone! [Connie swims over and grabs Steven] I'm sorry! None of them would let me help them! I had no choice!

Connie

It's okay!

Steven

No! It's not!

Connie

But it's okay to think about it!

Steven

It feels so bad!

Connie

That's okay, too! There was nothing else you could've done!

Steven

I don't want to feel this way...

Connie

You have to! [facing each other] You have to be honest about how bad it feels so you can move on! That's how it was for me.

Steven

Okay.

Steven

[shows Buddy Budwick's journal to the Gems] Hey, do you know anything about this thing? [Amethyst takes a closer look]

Amethyst

Hmm. Steven, you deserve to know the truth. And the truth is... I have no idea what that thing is, I've never seen it before in my life.

Pearl

Excuse me, Amethyst, allow me. [sees illustration of the Palanquin] Uh, well... it appears to be an illustration in some kind of journal.

Steven

C'mon, you know what I mean. I had a dream where I saw this thing. Connie and I were wondering if maybe...

Pearl

[stammers] S-Steven, why don't you and Connie— [Garnet interrupts her]

Garnet

You can't go there! [everyone stares at Garnet for a beat]

Steven

..Why not?

Amethyst

[shady] Yeah, why not? [Garnet hesitates. Steven sighs and closes the journal]

Steven

I thought you were going to tell me everything from now on.

Pearl

Oh, Steven... we—

Steven

[points Palanquin illustration] Does this have anything to do with Pink Diamond?! I already know Mom shattered her, so what is it about this that you can't tell me?! [Pearl winces to Garnet]

Garnet

Please! You're making Pearl very upset.

Steven

No! I'm very upset! [Connie and Amethyst back away]

Garnet

We're--not--going. Rose never wanted you to see this place.

Steven

"Rose wanted..." [growls] What about what I want?! [points at Garnet] I'm sick of everyone lying to me! Rose is my mom! Out of anyone! Don't I deserve to know the truth?! [Amethyst offers a box of popcorn to Connie, who declines]

Garnet

This isn't the time.

Steven

I don't care!! I wanna go there now!!

Garnet

[sharply] Steven!

Connie

I'm sorry... I... I shouldn't have brought the book.

Steven

Yes, you should've brought it. It's lucky something has some information that I don't have to get out of them!!! Connie, I need to borrow this book.

Steven

Did anything happen while we were gone?

Connie

Uh… Lion behaved himself, I restocked all the cereal and washed all the towels.

Steven

Sounds like everything went well.

Connie

Well, there was a little trouble… [Flashback starts at her house, where she enters the living room, talking to Steven on the phone; narrating] When I got that call from you, I could tell you had a lot going on.

Steven

[on the phone] Dad's in trouble, and we need to go into space to get him back.

Connie

[putting on Rose's sword] I can get there in 15! Or actually, maybe 20, 25 'cause I might have to take the bus--

Steven

There's no time! We're going right now! Just protect Beach City for me while we're gone.

Connie

[determined] You can count on me! [hangs up and takes a deep breath; narrating] It was a big job for one person, but I felt up to the challenge. I made my way over to your house, and that's when I realized… I wasn't alone. [enters the beach house and hears the sound of a toilet flushing from the bathroom; draws out her sword, heads over to the bathroom, and bursts the door open, finding Lapis and Peridot]

Peridot

Uh, don't you knock?

Lapis

Weirdo.

Connie

Lapis? Peridot? What are you doing here?

Peridot

Just showing off my old room too-- Oh, wait, actually that's none of your business!

Lapis

Who is this, and what is she doing in Steven's house?

Peridot

That's Steven's third best friend after me and you.

Connie

Um, Lapis, you don't remember me?

Lapis

Hmm…

Connie

You almost drowned me when you tried to steal the world's water.

Lapis

[awkwardly] I almost drowned a lot of people.

Peridot

To do the job of the Crystal Gems, we need to do the jobs of the Crystal Gems! We four--

Connie

Four?

Peridot

I'm counting Pumpkin.

Peridot

We each need to pick someone from the original team, and perform their role in the group! We'll be exactly like them - but better!

Connie

That... sort of makes sense.

Peridot

I call Garnet! I'm obviously best suited to be the boss.

Lapis

You are very bossy.

Peridot

[happily] Thank you!

Connie

Then I'll do what Steven does.

Peridot

Lapis, you could be Amethyst.

Lapis

Which one is she? [awkward silence] I'm joking.

Peridot

Great! You're already in character!

Connie

What about your pumpkin?

Peridot

Whatever. She can be Pearl.

Connie

[narrating] The wash was a wash. And so were the New Crystal Gems.

Peridot

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what's been going wrong with this team-up, and I think it's obvious now that the problem is ALL OF YOU! Connie, you completely lacked Steven's sentimentality. He would have had a much more inspiring speech yesterday. Lapis, your lack of humour has been hurting our morale. Maybe you should switch with Pumpkin.

Lapis

Let's make Pumpkin the Garnet. You should be the Pearl.

Peridot

I'm nothing like Pearl! She's so uptight and sensitive! [melodramatic] How dare you?! I'm leaving!

Lapis

[sarcastic] That's so funny, you should be Amethyst.

Peridot

That's so dumb, you should be a clod!

Lapis

Oh, so now I'm a clod? I think you're the clod.

Peridot

Wow, your Peridot impression is lousy too!

Connie

WILL YOU TWO CAN IT?!

Lapis

[stunned] That's not a very "Steven" thing to say.

Connie

I don't care! So I'm not Steven! Maybe he's really great at helping people work out these arguments! Maybe he's really patient and caring, even though it must be hard for him having to be the adult for a bunch of superpowered children!

Lapis

We're both thousands of years older than you.

Connie

Then act like it! Be the Gems you've been for thousands of years instead of playing this silly game. It's impossible trying to solve problems if we're just trying to copy other people! Oh, what's the point of this? We'll never be the Crystal Gems, we're just the Crystal... Temps. But we have our own way of doing things. So let's go back to that, to fix this mess we made.

Lapis

[amazed] You do make a good Steven.

Connie

Watch it!

Steven

Well, while we're still waiting, how about another Weird Word Game?

Connie

Okay.

Steven

All right. Let's see what we got here. First one is an adjective.

Connie

[growing increasingly upset] Accidental.

Steven

[writes it down] "Accidental." And the next one's a noun.

Connie

Mishap.

Steven

[writes it down] "Mishap." Adverb?

Connie

Unexpectedly.

Steven

[writes it down] [concerned] Past tense verb?

Connie

Crashed.

Steven

Noun?

Connie

Explosion!