John Sheppard quotes from Stargate Atlantis

There must be some kind of a command code that needs to be entered first.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Can you figure it out?

Yes, well command codes are usually quite simple like the number one or the letter A, like in Wraith.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[angry] Can you figure out the code or not?!

NO! Not if I stood here and tried for a million years. And we have, uh, just under a million years less than that!

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[The team was just attacked by a creature]

Teyla

What is that?

A piece of an arm, it looks like.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Lets hope that slows it down.

Maybe it'll bleed to death.

Or just grow another arm.

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[Sheppard and Ronon spot the Wraith dart]

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Sheppard

Yeah, I fly the dart, beam you all up, and then I use its DHD to dial Atlantis and get out of here.

I was thinking of blowing it up, but your idea's better. Get moving!

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CECol. Ellis

You should be running Atlantis, not Dr. Weir.

Lt. Col Sheppard

But then I'd be The Man, and who would I have to rage against?

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Lt. Col. Sheppard

Shouldn't you guys be bickering or something?

Ah, we've got nothing to bicker about. He's run out of bad ideas... finally.

[sulkily] If we survive this, I'm putting in for a transfer.

Oh, please. We both know that you've done your best work under me.

Under you?! I'm my own department head, you know.

Please! We both know that department is a joke.

What?!

Lt. Col Sheppard

Why don't you two just make out and get it over with?

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It's like the video game 'Asteroids'.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Whatever works for you.

I was terrible at 'Asteroids'! I think I actually scored zero once.

Sheppard

Well, there's only one way to go, and that's up.

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Lt. Col Sheppard

How's it going?

Well I would be making a lot more progress if 'Timmy Torture' over here wasn't trying to kill me every two seconds.

I wasn't trying to kill him.

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Sheppard

With all this commotion, I never got the chance to congratulate you.

[He glances at Samantha Carter's waist, and Carter looks confused]:

Sheppard

Your promotion; you're a full-bird Col. now.

Carter

Oh, yes.

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Sheppard

What's that?

It's a selection of fruits from the various worlds we trade with. I thought it'd be thoughtful.

Sheppard

Try lame.

[to some guy] Here, take this. And go.

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Sheppard

This thing's been way too quiet and way too easy.

I kinda like quiet and easy. Makes for a nice change.

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[Rodney attempts to open a door while Sheppard fights off a Wraith attack]

Sheppard

Rodney, get that door open!

Aw, to hell with it!

[Rodney fires at the door control, destroying it, with no effect on the door]

Aw, come on, it worked for him!

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Sheppard

I'm gonna recommend sending a science team when we get back.

I am a science team.

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Sheppard

Looks like one of those toys you play with as a kid.

Commodore 64?

Triple barrel shotgun?

Sheppard

No, a kaleidoscope.

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HDr. Heightmeyer

Now based on what's been described to me, the personification of Colonel Sheppard in everyone's dreams, is behaving much like a sociopath.

Sheppard

Did I have a goatee?

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[Sheppard and McKay are in McKay's dream, rowing towards Atlantis]

Sheppard

You know? This really isn't as strange as you made me believe.

Oh yeah? What about that?!

[McKay points to a clown that appeared behind them]

Sheppard

...I hate clowns.