[Tim speaks to Mike on the phone]
What you doing playing Army on a Sunday morning, you're missing Grange Hill!
It isn't the T.A Mike, it's the Rough Ramblers.
You're a civilian, you don't understand. You're thinking, "It's Sunday. I'd rather be in bed."
Yeah, and you're thinking, "It's Sunday. I'd rather be in Apocalypse Now."
[Mike blows a bird whistle]
That's easy for you to say. What you doing later on?
Well, why don't you come round? Look, I'm bored.
I can't. Combat canoeing. I'm going to do an Eskimo Roll with a two stone rucksack in my bag, along with a loaded rifle.
They don't have rifles in the Rough Ramblers Mike.
Listen Tim. I Gotta go. Looks like we're moving out. Roger. Bravo. Tango. Alpha!
[Mike puts the phone down, and sees some kids carrying a canoe over]
[Mike gives the kids a thumbs up]
[Tim opens the door and sees Mike]
The fibreglass on the outer casing was severely damaged in the incident.
Showing off Tim, I had 15 rocks in my rucksack, instead of the regulation 5. I knew something was wrong when I got her in the water, she was sitting so low, so low. But I didn't stop Tim, 15 rocks in my rucksack and everyone knew it.
So what happened when you rolled?
I lost control of the vessel 2 feet from the shore. When I struggled to right her, I banged it into the jetty, damaging the canoe's carcass.
[Tim nods and listens on]
The "Ramble" Leader, had to dive in and rescue me from beneath the canoe.
So it wasn't so much an Eskimo roll, it was more of a case of rolling right Inuit.
[Mike stares, confused]
Inuit's another word for Eskimo!
[Mike sobs] I've been thrown out Tim. The Rough Ramblers don't want me anymore!
[Tries to comfort Mike] Come on. Come on. Come on.
(I've gotta) face it Tim, I'm not the big man, not the leader. Noone's ever gonna look up to me. I feel like a failure.
You're not a failure, Mike, you're not! You're too good for them, they're not ready for you, You're a renegade, you're a soldier of fortune.
Yeah, you're like Mr. T. but white and hairy. And I feel sorry for anyone who says you're not.
[Mr. T voice] I ain't goin' on no plane, sucka!
TTyres
Last night was an A-1, tip top clubbing jam fair. It was a sandwich of fun on ecstasy bread, wrapped up in a big bag like disco fudge. It doesn't get much better than that, I just wish sometimes I could control these FOCKING MOOD SWINGS! [calmer] So what did youse two 'friends' do last night?
We just stayed in, didn't we, had a laugh, played Scrabble.
We're going to a club later on, do you wanna come out?
(through the door) Don't go to clubs.
Come on, Brian, what d'you mean you don't go to clubs?
[peeks out] I'm working, Tim. Working. D'you understand.
Trying to....avoid...cliches...by not actually placing my brush on the canvas.
No, just about to have my tea...
