I didn't bring a swimming costume.
Neither did I. [when Naomi makes no move to undress] Sun won't shine forever.
Someone might be looking!
Honey, your body ain't that special.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I know you Naomi, I know you’re lonely. I think you need someone to want you. Well, I do want you, so be brave and want me back.
I'm not gonna open the door. My face is all puffy. I've been crying a bit.
I don't care. [sits on the doorstep]
[Emily sits on the other side of the door]
I do... want someone, need someone. You were right.
And?
And when I'm with you, I feel like I'm a better person. I feel happier, less... alone. Less lonely.
[Emily puts her hand through the cat flap to hold Naomi's]
But it's not as simple as that is it? Being with someone?
Isn't it?
No...I mean, I don't know...I mean I don't think so. Can't we just sit like this, for a bit?
Yeah, we can... for a bit.
Come on, JJ. Don't be pathetic, it's easy. Just tell me something true. Tell me. Tell me now.
JJJ
I love you.
[smiling] Well everybody loves me.
JJJ
That's a relief.
JJJ
Just care, okay?
CCook
About what?
JJJ
[losing his temper] About me! About me, you twat! You're all fucking twats!
[JJ accidentally walks in on a semi-naked Effy. They both scream]
JJ!? What-the-fuck!? What the fuck!?
JJJ
[gabbling] Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
Give me my t-shirt, fucking hopeless perv.
JJJ
[fumbling for her t-shirt] I'm sorry, I...I... The door was open. I...
JJ!
JJJ
I...I... I got worried.
[taking her shirt and slipping it on] About what?
JJJ
I... I dunno, I mean, I thought I might've... I dunno, okay. [angrily] I was pissed at the two of you.
Two of who?
JJJ
I heard what you were saying! I want you to stop doing that -
[enquiringly] JJ? What the fuck?
JJJ
You and Cook.
[confused] I haven't seen him for days.
JJJ
Yeah? Well don't... Don't diss me while you're having sexual intercourse, because... Because you might think it's funny, but I... [realising what she said] Sorry!? [In horror, as he realises Cook was having sex with someone else] Uh oh. [Effy approaches] Uh oh!
JJ, are you gonna give me some fucked up hint what you're talking about?
JJJ
I... I... I usually drink mango juice when I get overstressed!
[JJ, Karen and Emily have walked on Freddy having sex with Katie]
Now, does everybody know each other?
Ah, that's just great. Thanks a lot, Karen.
For Christ's sake, Katie, what're you doing?
[Sarcastically] I'm doing the Great fucking Northern Run! What does it look like I'm doing!?
Guys, could we please just—
Katie, why didn't you tell me?
Oh, I'm sorry, maybe my postal application hasn't reached you yet. Now, do you mind? We're sort of in the middle of something.
JJJ
[stammering] Oh, but that's not right! You want Eff, and she's not—
[interrupting] It's a free country, JJ. Hey, maybe my weirdo sister's up for it.
JJJ
No, that's ridiculous, Emily's gay. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you, Freds, but we can do this another time...
[Stops when he notices Katie's stunned reaction and Emily's dismay, and realises he has accidentally outed Emily]
JJJ
Uh oh...
[Aghast] That's not true! Is it, Ems? Because you promised me that wasn't true. [Emily leaves on the verge of tears]
[JJ, Freddie and Thomas checking on Cook after he has taken JJ's psychiatric medication]
CCook
Top pills, man. I knew you'd come for me, Three Musketeers.
[to Cook] Yeah. Fuck off, Cook.
CCook
Freddie, she loves you, you know.
[Aghast] What?
CCook
She loves you. But she can't stand it. Can't stand the love, so she fucks me instead.
What's he saying?
JJJ
[Anxious and stammering] Oh my god... What?
[sternly] What?
JJJ
[Anxious and stammering] Shit! I think you're gonna get the truth, Freds.
[sternly] Cook?
CCook
I'm pissed off, yeah? She's taking the piss and it's hurting me. Cos Cook needs the love too. Cookie's got nothing.
[Thomas enters the scene to check on JJ, Freddie, and Cook]
[Concerned] Everything all right, guys?
CCook
Cookie's always got nothing. That's why I do her pal. That's why I pop Panda. Panda's popped. It's always the same, great tits Panda, great tits Effy. That's all I get cos I'm shit. I'm pure shit.
[Thomas gets angry upon hearing Cook's confession and is about to attack Cook]
[to Thomas] Whoa! Thomas! [Freddie restrains Thomas] Back off! No, okay, mate? No!
[Calmly] He does not deserve friends.
CCook
[in a state of stupor] Yeah.
[Angrily] He's a cunt!
[Thomas walks away]
[Angrily] Move! Move!
[JJ and Freddie after checking on Cook]
[to JJ] You've had a busy day, haven't you, J?
JJJ
[Apologetic] I'm sorry. I got locked on. [emotionally] You all pissed me off! [Enquiringly] Does this mean I can't come to the shed anymore?
[to JJ] Course not, you can still come to the shed. [Freddie hugs JJ] Just give me some space, okay? I need time to think.
Love, she's gone.
CCook
Ok, what time's she back?
Not till tomorrow. They've gone to some party at Gobbler's End.
CCook
Nah, because... we're supposed to hang out tonight!
Is that before you broke up or after?
CCook
But... I bought a fucking gâteau! Black Forest!
Ooh, my favourite. [Takes cake and shuts the door]
Relationships just can't stay the same, can they? Can't always be lovely and lush and not full of weird silences all the time. People can't always be perfect, 'cause that's not real, is it? It's not real 'cause things change. Don't they?
What is your fucking problem?
CCook
[to Freddie] What do you want, my fucking blood? Cos' you've fucking taken everything else! You've taken fucking JJ, and now you're nicking her as well! [Freddie looks confused] She hasn't told you has she? Fuck me! I'm so glad I didn't miss this!
What's going on?
CCook
Effy doesn't want me anymore, do you princess?
No.
CCook
You're all such whizzer chums, aren't you? Ain't that right, Eff? Ain't that right, Panda? Panda's been worried lately Eff, says you dont't see each other as much as you used to. That right, Panda, yeah? I said to her, "Cupcake, maybe if you didn't spend as much time with my cock in your mouth..."—
Shut up, shut up, shut up! [grabs Thomas' arm] Thomas, let's go.
Stop. It's fine. I know.
Wait. It was one time, right? Your party? [desperately] It was only once, right?! [Pandora cries] I need to sit down.
CCook
[to Thomas] Umm... sorry slugger. I don't think you heard. Me fucked your girlfriend, like, multiple times.
What do you want me to say?
CCook
I don't want you to say anything. Hit me. C'mon, c'mon, hit me!
You're just a sad little boy. [turns away]
Thomas, please. I stopped it. I love you. Just give me a chance—
[yelling] No! I have given you chances and you have not taken them! Time and time again you have lied to me! It's too late now. [quieter] I fell in love with this girl... she was good, she was honest and doughnuts... Now she's gone, and this new one... I don't like her... she makes my heart hurt.[leaves]
Hit me.
FFredie
What?
Just once. I wanna feel something.
Ruined my fucking top.
I sat your exam for you! You could've at least backed me up!
I did back you up! I just spent an hour trying to convince mum you made it all up.
Well, that's fucking great.
Because you have!
What?
You just conjured up this thing with Naomi because, I don't know, maybe you're jealous of me.
Jealous?
Yeah, jealous, because I get more boys than you, I look better in clothes than you and I'm more popular than you.
Fuck off!
Yeah, I think so, you can't stand it, sad. So can you please stop now before you hurt anybody?
Fuck off!
You're not gay, you're just stupid...
Yeah, I'm stupid. I'm stupid because I don't let anyone fuck me when they're in love with somebody else.
What?
You let Freddie use you and look where it's got you. That's a normal relationship, isn't it? She fucked you up good, didn't she? Nobody hits me over the head with a rock! Loser!
[Katie goes to bed in silence]
Katie? Katie, look at me. It's still Emily.
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