Charlotte York quotes from Sex and the City

When's the last time you had sex?

[Charlotte pauses to think]

If you had to think about it, it's been too long.

Charlotte

Well, when was the last time you—

10:30 today, at the gym!

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Richard

[to Samantha] Maybe later, if you're good, I'll give you a pearl necklace to match.

Charlotte

My father gave me the most beautiful pearl necklace for my sweet sixteen.

Actually, we're talking about the other kind of pearl necklace. You know, when a guy decorates your neck.

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Charlotte

[about Jack Berger and his girlfriend] He should have mentioned her earlier.

But not too early. I hate it when men do that. "I have a girlfriend." Calm down, I just asked if that seat was taken!

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I didn't tell Walker I had a baby.

Charlotte

How could you not mention it?

It didn't come up! If Walker had asked me directly, "Have you given birth recently?" I would've said, "First of all, define 'recently.'"

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Charlotte

How can a person have really hot S-E-X with someone they don't even like?

You're spelling "sex" in a place with a go-go boy on the bar?

Charlotte

I'm serious.

Why? Oh, my God, Char. You?

Charlotte

I don't know what happened! He's my divorce lawyer. I don't even like him!

So? Some of the best sex I've had is with people I can't stand!

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Charlotte

[after Carrie's flamboyant friend announces he's getting married to a woman] I thought he was gay!

Uh, yeah, "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle"? That has to be the gayest sentence ever uttered.

He must be marrying her for the money!

He doesn't need the money. He was one of the original investors in A Chorus Line.

Just when you thought you'd never hear a phrase gayer than "Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle."

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Did you finally bugger Berger?

How long have you been waiting to say that?

It just occurred to me.

Yes, we finally buggered.

Charlotte

[clapping] Yay!

[to Charlotte] You realize you're now applauding intercourse?

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Someone should tell Crazy that owning a hot glue gun does not make you a hot purse designer.

Charlotte

[whispering] Don't call her crazy!

Look at this. I'd rather carry a colostomy bag.

Ladies, these aren't bags, they're baggage. We are standing among the ruins of her last relationship. And it was one ugly breakup.

I resent this. The only one who should have to pay for a bad relationship is the person in your next relationship.

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Charlotte

Doesn't that waiter look familiar?

I fucked him.

[sarcastically] Oh! That guy!

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[looking at her appointment book] Shit, motherfucker, fuck, shit.

There's a "Shit, motherfucker, fuck, shit" situation?

I have to go to the theater!

They finally made that mandatory?

A new play in Brooklyn. Jerry's in it.

So it's children's theater?

Charlotte

Oh, I think that's sweet.

It's not sweet, it's pathetic how far a gal will go for a good fuck.

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[Miranda managed to fit into her "skinny jeans"]

Charlotte

How'd you do it?

Well, I got pregnant, became a single mother, and stopped having any time to eat.

Oh, that's a diet I won't be trying.

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I tried the trapeze yesterday for that piece that I'm writing.

Charlotte

I could never! I have the most terrible fear of heights.

Well, I do not. You've seen my shoes.

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Charlotte

[wearing her wedding dress] It's okay?

Okay? You're Audrey Hepburn... owitz!

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I am so sick of these people with their children. I'm telling you, they're everywhere! Sitting next to me in first class, eating at the next table at John Schu—

[A child runs by]

Look at that. This place is for double cappuccinos, not double strollers. [glances at Miranda] I'm sorry.

Hey, no need to apologize. I wouldn't bring Brady here. Mommy needs two hands to eat her $8 cake.

Charlotte

You're not gonna defend children?

No, I don't like any children but my own.