Charlotte York quotes from Sex and the City

Oh, what a beautiful wedding ring! Where's your husband?

Charlotte

Oh, um, he's not here. We're actually taking some time apart. We're separated—not legally separated, nothing legal. Oh, God, no! We're just taking some time to figure things out. We got married really fast—love at first sight, didn't think it through. So, now we're talking and trying to figure out what he—actually, we, he and I—really want. We love each other so much, but that doesn't always mean a marriage is working, does it? No, it does not. We had some problems, in the bedroom. But it was more about the fact that we got married so fast. So, now we're just talking and trying to figure things out—just talking, nothing physical. I think it's better if we just talk. So, we are talking until we figure it all out. So, no, he's not here.

Oh, okay. I have to... [to friend] Don't talk to her.

Charlotte

Samantha, your face is glowing. Did you get a facial or something?

Samantha

I masturbated all afternoon.

Carrie

All right, then.

Miranda

Seriously? All afternoon?

Samantha

Well, two, two and a half hours.

Miranda

Who's got that kind of time? I like to get in and get out.

Samantha

Well, I enjoy a quickie every now and then too, but when it's good like today, I go with it. I masturbated to my priest.

Charlotte

Your priest?

Samantha

Friar Fuck.

Carrie

Okay, I think we might have to get Charlotte a crash helmet.

Charlotte

You have a priest?!

Carrie

No, no, no, no. She wants him, but she can't have him. It's all very Thorn Birds.

Samantha

In my fantasy he tears the food I'm carrying for the homeless out of my arms, rips open my dress, lays me down in the street and enters me.

Miranda

What do you do for the next two hours and 20 minutes?

Charlotte

Stop! You're talking about a priest!

Samantha

It's a fantasy! I can masturbate to whomever I like. It's imagination. It's fun and perfectly healthy.

Samantha

[about her nude photographs] This is not about a man's approval. This photo is just for me. So when I'm old and my tits are in my shoes, I can look at it and say, "Damn, I was hot."

Miranda

Isn't that a little narcissistic?

Samantha

No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh-grade picture taken.

Charlotte

You weren't naked in that.

Carrie

That we know of.

Charlotte

We're supposed to be getting to know each other again, not... not...

Samantha

Fucking against a hand dryer?

Charlotte

It's so confusing. Are we dating or are we back together? Is he my boyfriend or my lover? Or my ex-husband whom I have sex with occasionally in coatrooms?

Miranda

And bathrooms.

Carrie

I'm going with "d) all of the above".

Samantha

Oh, who cares what you are? Just enjoy it.

Charlotte

No, I need to know where we're going.

Carrie

Yes, we'd like to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.

Charlotte

Right in the middle of the movie, I gave him a blow job. In the theater.

Carrie

Crouching Charlotte, Hidden Hummer.

Charlotte

And you know, you guys were right. Once I stopped defining everything, I realized how great Trey and I have it.

Samantha

Congratulations, sweetie. It sounds like you got a nice, healthy relationship.

Carrie

[voiceover] Charlotte realized if Samantha defined her relationship as healthy, she had one sick relationship on her hands.

Samantha

[about her relationship with Maria] All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.

Charlotte

I think they call that a relationship.

Samantha

I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow, it's exhausting.

Miranda

I know, don't you just hate that?

Carrie

Women.

Charlotte

I promise, I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about Diaper Genies.

Carrie

Good!

Samantha

[after Charlotte walks away] What the hell is a Diaper Genie?

Carrie

I don't know. Someone you hire to change your kid's diaper?

Samantha

I lost my orgasm.

Carrie

In the cab?

Charlotte

What do you mean, "lost"?

Samantha

I mean, I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale.

Carrie

It happens. Sometimes you just can't get there.

Samantha

I can always get there.

Charlotte

Every time you have sex?

Carrie

She's exaggerating. Please say you're exaggerating.

Samantha

Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.

Samantha

Well, I'm not gonna find my orgasm in this town.

Charlotte

We are at a funeral!

Trey

She's expecting us. If we miss the orchid show, she'll be devastated.

Charlotte

Then I guess we'll just have to have sex at your mother's.

Trey

People having sex in Connecticut? There's a first time for everything.

Charlotte

We're having Trey's sperm tested.

Miranda

Is it not doing well in school?

Samantha

If it's so hard to get pregnant, how do you account for the number of crying children on planes?

Charlotte

This is not a laughing matter.

Samantha

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was brunch, not a fertility seminar.

Charlotte

You're getting engaged!

Carrie

I threw up. I saw the ring and I threw up. That's not normal.

Samantha

That's my reaction to marriage.

Trey

[to the girls, about the cardboard baby he gave Charlotte earlier] See, they sell them in novelty stores, and other people buy them, and— and— and the clerk said that it was funny. You know what? Maybe you have to see it.

Charlotte

Don't you bring that thing in here!

Trey

It's silly.

Charlotte

Not to me it isn't! How would you feel if I gave you a cardboard cutout of a big, flaccid penis? It's not so funny now, is it?!

Charlotte

I can't believe you took ecstasy from a stranger!

Samantha

It wasn't a stranger! It was a friend of my friend Bobby's friend Bobby.

Miranda

Oh, well, then you know it's safe.