Charlotte York quotes from Sex and the City

Samantha

Ladies, let me tell you about his cock.

Charlotte

Will you be quiet? The people at the next table have a child.

Samantha

Well, that's their choice.

Carrie

You know, Little Miss Hangover is right. Can we, uh, lighten up on the cock talk till cocktail time?

Charlotte

I think it's wrong to sleep with a man just to fulfill a certain fantasy.

Samantha

Please, all the men we sleep with fulfill a certain fantasy.

Carrie

Or nightmare.

Samantha

You fantasize a man with a Park Avenue apartment and a nice, big stock portfolio. For me, it's a fireman with a nice, big hose.

Samantha

I once dated a guy who liked to wear my underwear, but I've never gone the other way.

Stanford

See, when you're gay, everyone can wear everyone's underwear.

Charlotte

That's hygienic?

Charlotte

You shouldn't be talking like that at all, Samantha. It's rude and politically incorrect.

Carrie

Sweetie, a reminder: Samantha is rude and politically incorrect.

Miranda

She's an equal opportunity offender.

Samantha

Precisely. I don't see color. I see conquests.

Samantha

[after her date's sister harassed her because she's white] Talk about politically incorrect! She can't diss me just because I'm white!

Carrie

Please tell me you didn't say "diss."

Charlotte

Maybe you should stop seeing him, Samantha. Race is a very big issue.

Samantha

No, there is no reason to bring race into this. Chivon is a sweet man. We have great sex, and he happens to have the biggest—

Charlotte

[interrupts loudly] Black cock! We know, he has a big black cock!

Samantha

I was about to say "biggest heart." But now that you're so interested, yes, he does have a big black cock. [smiles contently]

Charlotte

Do you know what I read? That if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become revirginized.

Carrie

And, I would imagine, quite frisky.

Charlotte

But isn't that great? You can erase your whole sexual past and start again.

Carrie

Who wants their virginity back? It was bad enough the first time.

Miranda

Do you have another?

Carrie

Ladies, I am not Tampax central. Put on list: Buy tampons.

Charlotte

Well, I have them at home, but they won't fit in my Kate Spade purse.

Miranda

Wow, Kate must have a tiny vagina.

Charlotte

The pink Post-its are for the gowns I kinda like. The green Post-its are for the gowns I kinda really like. And the yellow Post-its are for the gowns I don't know if I like. Here.

Miranda

Kill me, please. Just take a sharp object and drag it across my throat.

Charlotte

Stop. Miranda, you take Modern Bride. Samantha, New York Bride. [hands Miranda and Charlotte bridal magazines]

Carrie

And I'll take what, Annoying Bride?

Charlotte

Here, Carrie. Page 211. Pink Post-its. Tell me what you think. [hands Carrie a bridal magazine]

Carrie

Okey-dokey.

Miranda

[looking at a magazine] Ooh! Cute purse!

Charlotte

No purses! There's no time for purses! This is gown-specific!

Miranda

What's your theme again? A Nazi wedding?

Charlotte

[after the wedding] I finally get to sleep with Trey.

Carrie

Excuse me?

Miranda

You haven't slept with him yet?

Samantha

Honey, before you buy the car, you take it for a test drive!

Charlotte

I wanted to save myself until we got married.

Carrie

But, sweetie, you're not a virgin.

Charlotte

Well, I am in this relationship, and I think it's romantic.

Samantha

Yeah, it's romantic until he can't figure out where to put it in.

Charlotte

So how are you?

Carrie

I'm good. How are you?

Charlotte

Great.

Carrie

I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.

Charlotte

Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon.

Carrie

You win. So, should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves?

Charlotte

[describing a sex fantasy with Trey] I'm a fairy princess in a forest, and I'm riding on a unicorn. And suddenly I see you—a pirate in buckskins, a prince in disguise. And that's when you pull me off my unicorn. You tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your Schooner deep inside my Rebecca. Now you. Where are you?

Trey

I'm in hell. I'm sorry, Charlotte. I can't do this. I'm a respected surgeon.

Miranda

They're starting to die on us.

Charlotte

Oh, my God.

Samantha

Well, at least you weren't stood up.

Miranda

35 and they're dying! We should just give up now.

Carrie

Well, on the bright side, this could explain why they don't call back.

Charlotte

How did he...

Miranda

Heart attack. At the gym.

Carrie

See? This is why I don't work out.

Charlotte

We've been trying, you know, to...

Samantha

Fuck?

Charlotte

Whatever. And it's just not...

Samantha

Getting big and hard?

Carrie

What is this, dirty Mad Libs?

Charlotte

This is insane! I'm married, I can't be looking at gardeners!

Samantha

Honey, what's the point of being in the suburbs if you're not gonna fuck a gardener?

Charlotte

It's infuriating! Women sit around obsessing about what went wrong over and over, and men just say "all righty" and then move on.

Samantha

I take offense at that generalization. Not all women sit around and obsess about men. As soon as my relationships are over, I move on.

Carrie

Relationships?

Samantha

You know, dates.