Scorpion · Season 1
The team, except Sylvester, has to dress as characters from the Super Fun Guy comics as a disguise.
I'm startin' to think we should just let 'em have the nuke....With great responsibility comes great wedgie.
This is just wrong.
...
Don't say anything.
Just friends.
I don't know how the actors move in these things.
I want Homeland to double our fee. I feel absurd. I don't like feeling absurd.
What is that? points to Ray's "Team Scorpeon" T-shirt
Just a T-shirt.
You are not part of Scorpion!
But I live here.
So does a possum, in the rafter.
Well, I did kinda help you guys, you know, get out of Kazakhstan.
But it's spelled wrong. We're a team of geniuses.
Two P's. Got it.
Hey, John McClane! Need a ride?
Who's John McClane?
Just a movie, never mind.
[later]
Dude! It is just like that move!
Oh yeah, with John McCain.
No, not quite.
You see that? She was just busy
First stage of grief: Denial.
Grief over what?
The fact that your attempted romance with Happy is dead.
OK, no offense, but I'm not about to give weight to the psychiatric musings of a guy who uses a superhero lunch box and someone who still watches Bonanza.
Second stage of grief: Anger.
Does Ralph play sports?
Ralph is more of an indoor cat.
My telescope has a six-inch F8 reflector. Most are eight inches now, but I prefer the older version.
Situation red-lined moments ago, we're just trying to figure out--What the hell?!
[on the phone] Relax, Mr. Taggit, that's just me. I've hacked your system, I'm giving the command for the train to slow down, but nothing is responding.
Question 1, who the hell are you? And question 2, how did you get into the DOT server?
Answer 1, my name is Walter O'Brien. Answer 2, your security sucks. It's atrocious.
Counterbalance is one of the keys to your survival.
One of the keys? What's the other?
How often they empty the grease tracks at Chucky Burger.
Give me the 9-volt battery from your stud finder.
Stud finder? I can't go near those things, they just go off.
Uh, you wanna fill me in here?
Most electronic doors use a servomotor. A computer sends an electronic signal to unlock it. But since that computer isn't working, I'll send the signal myself.
The door unlocks.
That's why he doesn't have time for scouts.
How far away is that train?
Its current path has it just a few minutes from you, heading towards the Olympic and Westwood stop. Why?
'Cause I'm getting on board.
Suicidal genius says what now?
...
How the hell are you going to get on a train going 90 miles an hour?
I presume with great caution!
Better hurry if you're gonna catch that train!
Really?
I couldn't help myself.
There's three primal fears everyone shares: extinction--ceasing to exist; mutilation--having one's body boundaries infiltrated; and loss of autonomy--feeling entrapped or paralyzed. Being buried alive covers all three.
I don't like this.
What, me taking a risk, or me using logic against you?
Both.
I would give anything for Happy to care enough to slap me.
Bargaining. Third stage of grief.
It's just so disheartening.
And there's depression. I counted the gold coins; one of 'em's missing.
Oh, I'm not a thief, I just wanted to play Proton Arnold with a $2 million quarter.
I'm not lookin' for trouble I just need to see Happy...happy with Chet, and I then I'm at the fifth stage of grief.
Acceptance.
And then I can move on.
Knock knock.
[silence]
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Matthew.
Matthew who?
Matthew could never do unless you had an IQ of 184!
[Audience is silent, except for Sylvester, who laughs hysterically]
Ammonium and sodium hypochlorite hook up at a bar. Everyone inside dies.
[laughing] It's funny because it's true!
I've been reading this great book on anti-gravity; I can't put it down. I have this new theory on inertia, but it's not gaining any momentum.
[Sylvester is having trouble breathing because he is laughing so hard.]
Thank you.
Well, that was factual.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Scorpion pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
