Walter O'Brien quotes from Scorpion

Walter O'Brien

Look for the light at the end of the tunnel!

Cabe Gallo

Doesn't even know he made a joke.

Walter O'Brien

It's a divorce gift, for your baby.

Happy Quinn

It's hideous. And heavy.

Walter O'Brien

It's protective! Did you know that on aircraft you're exposed to as much radiation as a chest x-ray?

Happy Quinn

I'm a genius, I know most things.

Walter O'Brien

Well, what if you're on a plane with Tobias Merriweather Curtis Jr.?

Happy Quinn

Merriweather?

Toby Curtis

Yeah, I need to tell you something about my middle name. It's Merriweather.

Happy Quinn

You said it was Marcus!

Happy Quinn

That's not a lot of time.

Walter O'Brien

Well, there's never enough time.

Happy Quinn

There's a GPS killswitch on the engine....I'll try and override it.

Paige Dineen

When you rented this truck, what did you do?

Veronica Dineen

I said I had a rented truck. I never said I rented a truck. Someone with a credit card ending in 3939 rented it, technically.

Paige Dineen

Great the credit card company picked up the fraud and the rental place used the GPS to shut down the truck. Thanks, Mom! If millions of people die, it'll be your fault!

Veronica Dineen

How could I know about GPS switches? I've been in prison for six years!

Cabe Gallo

Prison?

Walter O'Brien

Prison?

Sylvester Dodd

Prison?

Ralph Dineen

Grandma's a jailbird.

Toby Curtis

That's your gated community in Arizona?!

Ralph Dineen

I like packing. It's like Tetris.

Toby Curtis

Let me guess, Tetris comparison was your idea?

Paige Dineen

Handling geniuses is literally my job description.

Walter O'Brien

Did someone mention Tetris? You know, the geometrical construct of that game has applications in computational complexity theory.

Paige Dineen

Interesting. Why don't you take your bag and go play it with Ralph?

Walter O'Brien

Excellent idea!

Toby Curtis

You're good at your job.

Walter O'Brien

In the wake of Tim's recent departure, it was made clear to me that my decision-making could be a bit--

Happy Quinn

Tyrannical.

Walter O'Brien

I was going to say unilateral. But your input is heard, and appreciated.

Toby Curtis

Overcompensation by way of agreeability and inclusion. Got it.

Walter O'Brien

Wrong! But appreciated. Anyway, we're a team, everyone's feelings should be heard, not just mine.

Cabe Gallo

Anyone who graduated middle school knows the conch method. It's from Lord of the Flies.

Toby Curtis

You know this'll flame out when you eventually snap like a rubber band. Being genial isn't your nature.

Walter O'Brien

Wrong! But appreciated.

Paige Dineen

What is this?....We're doing the Department of Energy server upgrade today.

Walter O'Brien

Nope. That job has been postponed indefinitely.

Paige Dineen

What? I spent weeks landing that contract.

Cabe Gallo

And Walt spent minutes dismantling it.

Paige Dineen

Explanation. Now.

Walter O'Brien

Well, it's quite simple, really. Our point person at the DOE kept saying he was going to pay us a hundred and nine thousand dollars.

Paige Dineen

Yes, that's what we agreed to. One hundred nine thousand.

Walter O'Brien

No-o-o that's not what he said.

Happy Quinn

Here we go.

Walter O'Brien

He said a hundred AND nine thousand dollars. That's a hundred dollar bill, and nine thousand dollars. That's substantially less than our fee.

Paige Dineen

For the love of God, Walter, it's an expression.

Walter O'Brien

"Make haste not waste" is an expression. "A penny for your thoughts" is an expression.

Paige Dineen

"Not playing with a full deck" is an expression!

Walter O'Brien

Exactly, but what the DOE rep said was mathematically inaccurate. And I told him. Repeatedly. People don't wanna better themselves?

Paige Dineen

The irony of that question is completely lost on you, isn't it?

Sylvester Dodd

Hey Ralph, can you help me out with this motor?

Ralph Dineen

I wouldn't be of much service. I'm a bit distracted today.

Toby Curtis

What's wrong, buddy?

Ralph Dineen

Something at school.

Walter O'Brien

Is it physics? Calculus? We can help.

Ralph Dineen

Two girls asked me to the Valentine's Dance.

Sylvester Dodd

We can't help.

Ralph Dineen

I don't know who to pick. I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings.

Walter O'Brien

That's an easy solve. Take them both, alternate dancing with them every other song. Efficient.

Ralph Dineen

I don't think they'll like that very much.

Sylvester Dodd

Ralph, don't stress. The probability of either of these girls being the one is very low. Only 2 percent of childhood sweethearts wind up together.

Paige Dineen

Sweethearts? What are you guys chatting about?

Ralph Dineen

Nothing. Sociology. Ride's here, gotta go.

Paige Dineen

Bye... What just happened here?

Walter O'Brien

Here? Nothing.

Paige Dineen

Does Ralph have a sweetheart?

Toby Curtis

Sorry, can't answer. Bro code.

Sylvester Dodd

Yeah. Bro code. [Paige twists his ear] Ahh! Ralph got asked to the Valentine's Dance by two different girls and he doesn't know what to do!

Paige Dineen

Why wouldn't he come to me with this problem?

Toby Curtis

Yeah, boys love to go to their moms with girl problems.

Walter O'Brien

He trusts us to give sound advice.

Paige Dineen

About girls?! What's next, you guys gonna teach him how to play football?!

Walter O'Brien

That football comment, that was sarcasm right?

Toby Curtis

No, she really thinks you should teach Ralph how to tackle.

Walter O'Brien

I think that was more sarcasm.

Cabe Gallo

OK, one of you get online and win your way into that tournament. [no one moves] What's the hold up?

Walter O'Brien

We don't play chess.

Toby Curtis

Not anymore.

Cabe Gallo

Why the hell not?!

Paige Dineen

Why are we looking at a coat hook?

Toby Curtis

That is not a coat hook; that is a coat rook. Wound up in this wall five years ago.

Walter O'Brien

After a week-long chess tournament.

Sylvester Dodd

A tournament that went horribly wrong.

Paige Dineen

You threw a rook in the wall?

Walter O'Brien

Wasn't me.

Toby Curtis

Nope.

Sylvester Dodd

It was a three-way tie for points! I was about to engage a masterful attack: the bishop's gambit. But then Walter sneezed on my knight.

Walter O'Brien

It was an accident.

Sylvester Dodd

J'accuse! My knight was covered in your mucus. The one piece I needed just happened to be the one you doused with your filth.

Walter O'Brien

One, I do not have the ability to aim my mucus. Two, you could have cleaned it off.

Sylvester Dodd

Not without touching it! I played half the game with a dead pony!

Toby Curtis

At checkmate, Sly whipped this rook at Walt's head.

Cabe Gallo

Not a half-bad arm.

Sylvester Dodd

It was unbecoming.

Walter O'Brien

So we vowed never to play the game again for the sake of the team, and our friendship.

Sylvester Dodd

I'm a wildcard!

Walter O'Brien

So am I. And I had enough time to make this. [shows Sylvester a gif of Walter dancing across the computer screen, saying "I got in first"]

Walter O'Brien

I hope your hands don't freeze in the cold, it might affect your game.

Sylvester Dodd

I could beat you with my feet.

Walter O'Brien

Did you ever think I'd be giving emotional advice to a genius?

Toby Curtis

It's the blind leading the blind.

Walter O'Brien

Did you see what I just did? I asked Paige if she was OK and even though she told me an obvious lie, I let her be. She clearly doesn't want to get into it. I'm making progress. Good for me!

Happy Quinn

I'm going to Lancaster....I fell asleep waiting for a response from an internet chat mechanic. She said she would send me something over, but when I woke up, she still hadn't responded. Doesn't make any sense. She's more detail-oriented than you and I put together.

Walter O'Brien

Doubtful. If that were the case she would've sent you the specs.

Happy Quinn

She is and she hasn't. Something's up.

Walter O'Brien

Emotional concern for a fellow mechanic. Fascinating. You know, I think that we're both...evolving.

Happy Quinn

Good for us.

Walter O'Brien

You'd be very impressed with this newfound handle I have on my emotional state. Now, Paige and Tim are having issues--

Toby Curtis

That's not a shock. A distance of 7600 miles ain't good for love.

Walter O'Brien

Yes, as I was saying, she's hurting, so she needed space and I gave it to her. I'm making progress. Good for me!

Toby Curtis

Where's Happy? We have wedding cake to taste, a wedding band to hear, and she still hasn't given me a guest list, despite me being very annoying about it.

Walter O'Brien

Oh, she went to Lancaster to find her gearhead friend.

Toby Curtis

To track down a nutbar who knows his way around power tools?! Did you ever think of convincing her not to go?!

Walter O'Brien

You need space. I'm gonna give it to you.

Walter O'Brien

One cannot be a friend if one is not available to said friend.

Toby Curtis

OK, that's it. Where do you learn this nonsense?

Walter O'Brien

It's not nonsense. It's the 8 Smart Steps Certain to Make a Perfect Pal.

Toby Curtis

Where'd you get that, some stupid magazine? Holy Cosmo! You're getting relationship advice from a supermarket checkout rag!

Walter O'Brien

Keep it down. Paige and I have been getting on better since we decided to be caring friends to each other, but I was concerned that I would eventually do something to mess that up. So I did research to avoid that.

Toby Curtis

The New England Journal of Medicine is research. You read a periodical with pictures of One Direction.