Professor Hatecraft quotes from Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated

H.P., are you all right?

Harlan. Yes. Just an overeager fan who got carried away.

Fans. Imbeciles fit only to be gnawed by rabid rats.

Yes. Someone could write a book.

How about, "A boy and his fans", by Harlan Ellison and H.P. Hatecraft?

I was thinking something more along the lines of, "Shavu-ra hatafar, the fan that had no name".

Except, uh, you just named it.

Don't start with me, Ellison.

Now, Regina, time to come clean and reveal that you're-- (unmasks The Obliteratrix)

Alice May?

Who's Alice May?

Daphne

She once pretended to be a Ghost Girl to kidnap Fred for her man posse because she wanted revenge for her father, the Creeper.

Shaggy

But, like, how did you get out of jail?

I got out with the help of the same person who sent me to destroy you... Mr. E!

Huh?

Angel Dynamite

Huh?

E enlisted my services to put you kids in danger in hopes of drawing out his enemy, Professor Pericles. He figured if Pericles thought you were in trouble, he'd come to your rescue. E knew if he could get Pericles to reveal himself, it'd leave his piece of the Planispheric Disk vulnerable. Everything was fake. Special effects.

Shaggy

But, like, where'd you get all the high-tech stuff? How'd you disappear?

E took care of that. It was all courtesy of one of Destroido's shell corporations: Quest Research Laboratories. They supplied me with everything I needed: Weapons, a high-tech cloaking device, even the effects.

Angel Dynamite

(handcuffs Alice) So this was all staged by Mr. E to use the kids as parrot bait.

That's right. And it would have worked, too, if I hadn't been stopped by you, Miss meddling sassy pants! (Next scene in the police car with Sheriff Stone and Alice May arrested)

Sheriff Stone

Wait, so are you telling me that you escaped from prison months ago, and I never noticed? (laughs) I don't think so. (drives away)

Well, gang, another mystery solved.

Daphne

I just wish we could have done something about your job, Professor Hatecraft.

(arrives with car) H.P.? Yoo-hoo! Oh, there you are, you dear man.

Don't worry, Dean Fenk. I'm on my way to clean out my office now.

Clean out your office? Oh, never. Heh! Haven't you heard the wonderful news? The song "Char Gar Gothakon", based on your novel, is a huge hit in Japan. And since Darrow College published the book, we're gonna make a fortune! (Professor Hatecraft is amazingly surprised) Now, I'm giving you Regina's old office Vampire books are so done and I'm having the dusk mobile repainted. (she and Professor Hatecraft drive away)