Daphne quotes from Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated

Daphne

Excuse me, Mr. farmer. What happened to your farm?

Farm? I ain't got no farm. It's gone, all of it. That horrible herd ate everything except the silo. (to Martha) Martha, we are leaving.

Shaggy

Like, did I just heard you say hear? I mean, uh, ha ha ha, hear you say herd.

Herd of what?

Skull cattle. Ugliest darn things.

Velma

Guys, look at these weird hoof prints. They don't make any sense.

If you really want to get all nosy about it, you should talk to the other farmers in the area. The herd paid them a visit, too.

Velma

I mapped all the attacks on all the farms in the area, and look, they create an outline of a magnifying glass just like the one the old Mystery Incorporated used as their symbol. It's centered around Destroido.

Daphne

Cute little moo cows turned into horrible monsters. There's only one mind evil enough to come up with something like that.

Professor Pericles.

Daphne

Velma, is there anyway we can spy on the old Mystery Incorporated? Didn't you say Hot Dog Water hooked us up somehow at Destroido?

Velma

I almost forgot. Hot Dog Water left us a back door into the Destroido security system when she was there stealing the Planispheric Disk pieces.

Can you get more volume?

You have gone too far this time, Pericles. Too far! (The next scene depicts the conversation of Ricky (Mr. E) and Professor Pericles) This macabre herd of skull cattle you've created is costing millions of Destroido's money. My money. And I currently have 28 of my best scientists listed as presumed missing.

(heard in the other room) No, NO! AAAAAHH!

Make that 29.

Pericles

Ricky, one cannot make a genius omelet without breaking a few worthless eggs. Right, Brad and Judy?

Brad

You said it, Professor Pericles.

Judy

He's a genius, right, Brad?

Brad

He sure is, Judy. He sure is.

Pericles

And make no mistake, Ricky, I will break any egg that gets in my way: Ed Machine, Cassidy Williams, or perhaps even you. My herd of skull cattle is perfect in every way. I have crossbred cows, piranhas, and bees to create ultimate monsters. And I'm their master. My precious creations exist for one purpose: to devour Crystal Cove. My herd of male drones shall level this city to the ground, leaving nowhere for the Mystery kinder to hide the Planispheric Disk.

Shaggy

Like, he's gonna destroy Crystal Cove!

Come on, gang. We have to warn the town.

Daphne

Gang, this is all our fault.

Sheriff Stone

Isn't it always?

Daphne

Maybe we should just give Pericles the Planispheric Disk.

Shaggy

Like, no way. A treasure beyond all imagining in the clutches of an evil psychotic parrot?

Velma

Would be devastating on a global scale. Shaggy's right. There has to be another way.

Sheriff Stone

Well, you Mystery dorks better decide quick because those nasty cow thingies sealed off the town completely.

Mayor Nettles

All the roads leading in and out of the city have been eaten. They're cutting us off.

Sheriff Stone

Perhaps as-- as-- a species our time is over. It's evolution, people. We should all submit to the herd. I think I'll see if they're hiring any Sheriffs.

Mayor Nettles

Bronson, although I find your immediate surrender oddly endearing, you're not going anywhere. Kids, there must be a way to stop these things.

Daphne

I think I have it. It's all the little pieces, all the clues. Especially the fact that Professor Pericles referred to all the skull cattle as male drones. And then there's the sweet cheese.

Shaggy

I think I see where you're going with this, Daph. If Scooby and I can eat all that honey sweet cheese, those things will starve and we'll save the town.

Count me in. I'm ready to eat my way to victory.

Daphne

That's not what I was thinking. They're like bees. The herd is all male drones. So there must be a queen in the cow hive at Destroido.

Velma

Daphne, that's so genius I should have thought of it. They'll be totally protective of their queen. If we could capture the queen cow...

We could use her to lead the herd away from the town.

Mayor Nettles

Saving Crystal Cove.

Sheriff Stone

I don't know. I don't know. I think my plan of letting the herd enslave humanity is pretty darn good.

My fake father mayor dad used to keep a helicopter here at city hall.

Mayor Nettles

I still have it. Quick, it's our only chance.

Mayor Nettles

You did it, kids. You saved the town.

Daphne

I feel a little sorry for those skull cattle. It's not their fault they're horrible genetically engineered mutations.

Look. (The horrible herd rise in the ocean) Those things are part fish, remember? They can swim.

Velma

Whoa. What have we done?

Shaggy

You mean, like, other than release unnatural super predators into the ecosystem?

Sheriff Stone

It's best to just walk away from this one, kids. Just... walk... away.

Mayor Nettles

These citizens were found at the Tiki Tub. They're dancing, and they can't stop.

Daphne

That dance is called skanking. It's how you're meant to dance to ska music. And you said dance class was a waste of time.

Velma

Oy. Doctor, what's the prognosis?

If we can't find a cure within 24 hours, they will dance themselves into a permanent cataleptic state. They will become zombies for the rest of their lives!

(laughs)

It's Rude Boy!

Velma

Quick, cover your ears!

Dance!

Martha Quinn

We have to fight this MUSICALLY! We need ultimate POWER CHORD!

I'm fighting it, but I can't resist their catchy use of Caribbean mento and calypso with American jazz and rhythm and blues!

Daphne

Shaggy, Scooby, why isn't it affecting you?

I'm a dog. Music is just noise to us.

Shaggy

And, like, you've heard me sing. I'm totally tone deaf.

Velma

Shaggy! Scooby! You're our only hope! It's up to you to save the town! It's up to you to save us!

Shaggy

Like, zoinks!

Now, let's see who's really behind the evil ska music. Rude Boy is actually... (unmasks the Zombie Rude Boy)

Rude Boy?

You're alive! But the plane crashed 30 years ago.

Velma

Was an elaborate hoax, wasn't it, Mr. Rude Boy?

Oi. You blighters got it in for me, right. But yeah, we faked the whole bloomin' thing. All I ever wanted to do was play ska and be super rich and super famous. But apparently, it just wasn't in the tarot cards, maybe the fact that we only had one song had something to do with it. So me and me mates, the Ska-tastics here, we decided we'd fake our own deaths. Then, we could write the perfect song and return to take the music world by storm.

Martha Quinn

I don't understand, Rude Boy. Why did you wait 30 years to make a comeback?

Ah, don't be such a muppet, Martha Quinn. We planned to be only gone one year, but writing the perfect song took bloomin' forever. By the time we'd cracked it, ska wasn't popular anymore. But everyone loves the undead. So, we began dressing as zombie mogs, riding our undead scooters and wearing polycarbonite-lined skull masks to hide our identity.

Velma

So, in the end, desperate for success, Rude Boy and the Ska-tastics unleashed a dancing plague on the world using an inharmonic chord with special frequencies designed to induce post-hypnotic suggestion to sell their music.

Just as I thought, but didn't say. Dance them away, Sheriff. We are done here.

All the food is gone.

Shaggy

It ate, like, everything.

Daphne

What was that thing?

Rick Spartan

That is the Gluten Demon. If we don't stop it, it'll devour the entire food supply and starve us all, until there's nothing, and no one left alive in Crystal Cove.

Now let's see who the Gluten Demon really is. (unmasks the Gluten Demon)

Francilee Jackson!

Velma

Not a big surprise after the work that Cachinga, Daphne, and I did. Francilee's cooking show wasn't taped before a live audience. She made the tape herself, allowing her to work the special effects and adding in the Gluten Demon during editing.

Plus, her stage name is Francilee Jackson, but her birth certificate lists her as Agatha Juniper Schildenheimer.

Daphne

As AJS, she signed those manifests. She rented that secret warehouse.

Velma

And she has a strange food allergy to all things healthy. Which is why she reacted to Cachinga's salad lunch so insanely.

Daphne

The only thing we don't know is why.

Oh, y'all, it's so simple. I needed a big comeback. After my cornbread recipe was revealed to have no corn in it, I was ruined. Ruined! My only chance was to open my own bakery where I could serve up my new breakout dish: The double bacon mayonnaise butter-stuffed pasta surprise with buttered bread sauce! Any cook worth their kosher sea salt knows the legend of the Gluten Demon. I dressed up like that and started destroying every restaurant in town so there'd be no competition when I opened mine. And I would have done it, too, been a huge success again, if it weren't for all y'all bread-hating health fanatics!

That's it, boys. Let's roll her away.

(the bowl rolls away from her) My bowl! My precious bowl! NO! My bowl! It's mine! MINE!

It's ancient maya by the look of it.

Daphne

(reads the bowl) TERCERO LLAVE. It's the third key.

Now let's see who this mysterious woman stealer really is.

The librarian?

Shaggy

Like, seriously? But you're not even British.

I'm so confused. Why?

It's simple, really. You spend a life reading about other people's exciting adventures and never, never, never have one of your own. It's awful. (sadly) I'm so lonely.

Velma

Jinkies. How did I miss that one?

I never really had any friends growing up. All I had were my books. For years I stayed in my room and read about incredible adventures, other people's adventures. Then, I got an idea, I was going to become the Dandy Highwayman. I was going to be the king of adventures and adored by women everywhere. I studied how to do an English accent. I incorporated a motorcycle helmet into my costume's hat and practiced my motorcycle skills for hours and hours. Then, I discovered something unimaginable: the key to a woman's total admiration and devotion. All you have to do is pay attention to them when they're talking. CRAZY, isn't it? It wasn't until I started to moderate the book club that I learned how to listen. From there, I actually became interested in what women have to say. Before long, I was fully engaged in their desires and feelings. I was living in the dream. And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling romance killers.

Sheriff Stone

I'm not buying it for a second. You put some kind of voodoo MAGIC SPELL on them, you did.

Never. I just listened, that's all. Except when the going got tough. I had a little help. (uncovers the earplugs) These earplugs were the only magic I used.

Sheriff Stone

I knew it! I knew there was some kind of trick involved. Listening to women? Who ever heard of such a thing?!

Daphne

Jeepers! The librarian? I kind of feel bad for him. You know, he never really abducted the wives. They said they went with him willingly because he was mysteriously charming and--

Sheriff Stone

We know, we know. The whole listening and paying attention thing. We get it already. Whatever.

Mayor Nettles

Sorry to bother you so early, kids. But the neighbors have been calling in constantly with reports of unearthly moaning, inhuman howling, blood curling screams...

Shaggy

In other words, same old same old.

You can count on us, Mayor Nettles.

Daphne

We'll see if there's anything mysterious going on here.

Mayor Nettles

(leaves) Thanks, kids.

Velma

Come on, come on, let's go! Let's get this over with.

After we're finished here, we need to relocate the Planispheric Disk.

We'll do it.

Shaggy

Good idea, Scoob. Yeah, you and I will re-hide the disc while you guys check out the scary house.

Daphne

You're out of luck, Shaggy. Remember? Fred hid the Disk last time. And he's the only one who knows where it is.

Velma

Oy, can we hurry? Please?

Okay, let's get started. But first, well gang, it looks like we got another...

Daphne

Mystery on our hands! Oh, Fred, we're such soul mates. We're finishing each other's sentences.

Come on, let's...

Split up and look for clues?

Shaggy

Like, I guess that means we're all soul mates, haha.

Hello, friends.

Daphne

Oh, Freddie. Thank goodness.

This place was a total bust. Nothing scary here. So let's get to school before we're late. Punctuality is an important facet of learning. Right, Daphne?

Daphne

Um, right, Fred.

(sadly) Daphne.

Fred?

Cut it out, Mr. Traples. It's not funny you imitating Daphne like that.

Freddie, is that really you?

Daphne?

Old Daphne

(shows up) Fred, where have you been?

(shocked) Aah!

Old Daphne

Oh, Freddie, don't look at me. I'm hideous!

Daphne, is... is that really you?

Old Daphne

Of course it's me, silly. And jeepies, you found my scarf. (puts the scarf on her neck) I've been looking all over for this.

I still don't understand. I came out of that mirror and everything had changed. Why is everyone a skeleton and why are you--

Old Daphne

Do I really look so awful, Freddie?

Uh... no.

Old Daphne

When you didn't come back, something went crazy with the Planispheric Disk. Velma said it created a vortex around Crystal Cove and sped up time here. We searched everywhere for it. You hid it too well. Decades whirred by in weeks. Everyone aged quickly and one by one, turned to dust until only I was left.

I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I... I'm just a really good hider.

Old Daphne

You've got to change it back. Right up till the end, Velma said the Planispheric Disk could reverse the process. Where did you hide it, Freddie? We have to get that disk.

Then that's what we'll do. Daphne, Mr. Traples, load up. We've got a future to change.