Regular Show · Season 1
[calls Benson]
Hello?
Hey, Benson, got any books by.....Joe Mama!?
(angrily) Who is this?
[Mordecai and Rigby laugh loudly]
[from phone] Wherever this is coming from, I will track you down and I will find you...!
Dude, he's still on the phone!
He's STILL on the phone!?
He's STILL ON THE PHONE!!!
[both convulse in fits of laughter]
(bangs the door open and furiously storms in) HANG UP THAT PHONE! You think your little pranks are funny, huh?! You think they're funny? Well, what do you guys think of my prank? Ring ring! Hello, what's that? Mordecai and Rigby are banned from using the house phone? Okay! (Goes red and angrily smashes the phone) GOOD LUCK MAKING YOUR PRANK CALLS NOW!!!! (Slams the door furiously)
Dude, let's use Pops' phone.
What just happened?
We need your help to prank the Master Prank Caller.
Who?
Why did you prank him?
(The telephone rings)
I'll take care of this. [Answers the telephone] Hello?
Nice ride, but I prefer mine better.
Hello?
This is the Master Prank Caller telling you—
Hello?
I said, this is the Master Prank—
Hello? I-I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
[frustrated] I SAID, THIS IS THE MASTER PRANK CALLER!!
Hello? Hello, are you there?
RRRGH!!! [WOOSH] I SAID—!!
Ha ha! Just kidding! You just got pranked, loser! [BEEP]
NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Now!
[Skips, Mordecai, Benson and Pops, jump on the Master Prank Caller and grab him by the arms and legs]
Now, Rigby! Hit the power button!
Who's the best prank caller now, jerk-dish? [Rigby presses the power button on the Master Prank Caller]
No! NO! NOOOO! [Falls down on the ground, knocked out]
Hey you two! Quit fooling around, we’re having an emergency meeting!
Aw, what?
Boo!
Outside, now!
Alright, everyone. I got some bad news. The park is being audited. ( He Points to Pops) Pops tried to pay the park taxes... [gives him a look] ...with lollipops.
[the rest of the workers voice their displeasure]
But I gave them more than enough!
We already went over this, Pops. You pay taxes with money, not lollipops.
[sadly' Oh...
[spits] What's the big deal? It's not like an audit is a bad thing.
It is a bad thing, Rigby! If we don't take care of this, the government takes all our stuff away.
[The park gang starts to panic]
Okay. We only have till 3:00 to stop the audit. Does anyone know someone who can help us? Anybody? Anybody at all?
I know someone who can help...
[angrily] If you say your mom, you're fired!
[long pause] My mom!
GET OUT!
It was worth it! [he and High Five Ghost high-five and walk away]
[thinks] Hmmm... Hmph! Hey! [looks at Rigby] We know someone.
We do? [Mordecai raises his arms. Suddenly, Rigby knows who he's referring to] No! No way!
What? If you know somebody, you've got to tell me.
Rigby has a brother. [Rigby punches him in the butt] And he's an accountant. [Rigby punches him again, rapidly]
SHUT UP!
Dude, what do you have against Don?
[Rigby gets mad, on the verge of crying. A ripple leads us to a flashback of Rigby's sixth birthday party. Pans down from the banner to a young Rigby]
Guys, guys, guys! [zooms out to reveal four bored children, one of them a young Mordecai] Watch me blow out the candle, guys!
[A door opens. Rigby's younger brother, Don, stands in the doorway. Somehow, he is taller than Rigby]
Hey, Rigby. Happy birthday, bro.
Wha- wha - ? I told you to stay in the basement.
Oh. Sorry, Rigby. I just wanted to give you some birthday sugar.
I DON'T WANT YOUR FREAKING SUGAR!
I'll give you some sugar, Don.
Yeah, me too! [giggles]
[everyone but Mordecai gets up out of their seats to hug Don. Then, Mordecai follows, but Rigby tries to stop him by grabbing his arm]
DON'T YOU DARE!
I'm just getting some sugar, dude. [Rigby lets go of him] Besides, Don is cool.
[Mordecai goes to Don to give him sugar as everyone else laughs]
You're the best, Don!
[Young Rigby growls as ripple back to the present]
Yeah. Don really made that party.
Call your brother.
No!
CALL YOUR BROTHER!
NO! I HATE HIM!!!
Fine! Mordecai, you call him.
YOU BETTER NOT!
Dude, he could save the park.
Dude, he could ruin my life! If he comes, I'm gonna tell him to leave.
No, you won't, YOU BE NICE TO YOUR BROTHER OR YOUR FIRED!! [to Mordecai] Call him.
[to Rigby] Dude, just be cool until he stops the audit.
[Rigby growls, on the verge of tears.]
You guys are making a big mistake!
Don't ruin this for us, Rigby!
Benson, give me some sugar! [hugs Benson] Nice to meet you! [points to Pops] Hey, who's this guy?
I'm Pops!
Pops, give me some sugar!
[runs laughing to Don and hugs him]
[hugs Skips] Don. Good to meet you. [to Mordecai] Look at this sugar shack. C'mere, guy! I haven't seen you in forever.
[hugs Don] Yeah, I know! It's been forever!
Rigby, give me some sugar, bro!
Don't you have taxies to do? Why don't you get to it?
Oh, ha ha... he was always greedy with the sugar.
Augh...! I can't wait for you to get out of my life!
What, bro?
[mouthing angrily] You keep your mouth SHUT!
Nothing.
Rigbone! How about a little pre-saving the park sugar? You know, for almost being done saving the park?
NO!
What's going on with us? You never give me some sugar. Did I do something?
Yeah. You were BORN!
[visibly hurt] Wow. That's heavy. I gotta get out of here. [Don leaves the room]
Dude? No, wait! Don!
I'm sorry. I just... gotta get out of here! [Don continues leaving]
Where's DON?! [outside, Don is shown driving away, almost crying. The others run out after him] Don, wait! [Don has already left; to the others] What happened?
Rigby blew it! He wouldn't give Don sugar!
[Furious] WHAT?! GO GIVE HIM SOME SUGAR!
[Even more furious] NEVER! [runs away, panting]
[Takes a bite of the salad] Ahh. I feel so much better.
[Who is next to a blender with a doughnut, candy and other junk food inside] So do I. [He starts the blender, grinding all the junk food into goop. He then proceeds to drink it, grimacing in pain again as his stomach rumbles]
Dude, I'm telling you. If you keep eating like that, your body's gonna quit on you.
STOP TALKING!
Whatever. I'm just trying to help. [Walks out of the kitchen]
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm. I showed him. [eats a doughnut]
[at MM's and Fives' shift at the snack bar]
This...sucks! Wait.. what is that?
[a bucket on a roller blade squiggles closer and closer, at the door—]
GIMME SOME SNACKS!!!
What are you~?!
Looks like a bucket of diarrhea...
It's me, Rigby!!
Oh man! THAT BOOT WITH WHEELS STOLE RIGBY'S VOICE!!
No! I didn't steal anything!
You're not stealin' these voices! C'mon Fives, let's bail!! [runs off]
Come back!!
No way, bro!
It's me, Rigby!! [falls down] Aw, man!
Dude. How do you feel?
[Due to his body's severe injuries, Rigby screams painfully; cuts to the Snack Bar, where a bleary-eyed Rigby is in a body cast and bound to a wheelchair]
Well, Mordecai, I guess you were right about the snack bar being lame. Especially now that we're not into eating all the free snacks.
Oh, about that. Those snacks weren't free.
What?
Turns out, only Pops gets snacks for free.
[with a pitiful whine] Pops?
Yeah. And I guess we're supposed to work here for the next six months just to pay for it all.
Ohhh... turds!
Now, what is the first thing that all good musicians require?
Talent?
Yes!...Good personal hygiene is the key to becoming a successful gentleman musician!!
Yes, I wanna be in a band with you! Alright, but we’ve gotta have a cool band name. What do you think of..."Cool Dudes?"
"Face Punch!"
"Rad and Subtract?"
"Helicopter Crash!"
What about..."Mustache Cashstache?"
That's it, THAT'S IT!!
Order the shirts! Order the shirts!
(trying to sleep) I'm a tough guy. (He says "tough guy" repeatedly).
(In his dream, he is a tough guy named Fists and is walking down the street at nighttime.)
They say this city's tough. But I'm tougher. (walks into a dark alley, and a gangster with half of his hair shaved off follows him with a knife)
You walked down the wrong alley, Riggerson. (Fists pins him against the wall.)
The name's... (pulls fist back) ...Fists! (He's about to punch him, but then, the taxi comes and shines its lights on him and the gangster.)
Ello, gov'nor!
Fists screams before taxi drives into Fists and gangster.
(Screams awake again as he jumps into Mordecai's arms.)
(Groans angrily with his hands crunching) What the heck, Rigby?!
[his teeth chatters and quivers in fear] It's that stupid British taxi! It's all inside my brain!
[drops Rigby off his arms] Ugh, I knew it. I knew this would happen! I told you we shouldn't have watched that movie.
I know, I'm sorry, I can't help it.
Ah, all right, dude, we're just gonna desensitize you the horror. We're gonna watch Ello Gov'nor over and over again, until you stop being scared.
[later, in the living room]
[as he pushes Rigby against the screen] Look at it! Look at it! It's not real! You can see the microphone showing!!
Let me go!!
LOOK AT IT!!
Get off me!
I'm sick of you keeping me up! You look at it!
LET ME GO!
Look at it.
LET ME GO!!
LOOK AT IT!! Look...at it...you look at it, you...look at it...
Let... me GO!! (Throws the cover)
What the heck is going on?!
Rigby's just freaked off by this stupid dumb British movie we watched.
Well, you'd better have this place cleaned up by the time I get back from my cricket game.
Cricket?
Yeah. I'm trying new things.. So what.
(gasps) Will British people be there?
It's cricket. What do you think?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Regular Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
