“Backwards” quotes from Red Dwarf

Lister

Cat.

Cat

Mm?

Lister

Did you ever see the Flintstones?

Cat

Of course.

Lister

Do you think Wilma's sexy?

Cat

Wilma Flintstone?

Lister

Maybe we've been alone in deep space for too long but every time I see that show, her body drives me crazy. Is it just me?

Cat

I think in all probability, Wilma Flintstone is the most desirable woman who ever lived.

Lister

That's good, I thought I was goin' strange.

Cat

She's incredible!

Lister

What do you think of Betty?

Cat

Betty Rubble? Well, I would go with Betty...but I'd be thinkin' of Wilma.

Lister

This is stupid. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?

Cat

You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.

Lister

She'll never leave Fred and we know it.

Cat

We ain't gonna find 'em. They're gone, buddy. But look on the bright side -- they're gone, buddy!

Cat

Is that what I think it is?

Lister

What do you think it is?

Cat

An orange whirly thing in space!

Lister

It's a time hole. That's where they are. We're going in.

Cat

Are you crazy We can't go in there!

Lister

Why not?

Cat

Orange, with this suit?

Rimmer

[in response to a woman speaking to him backwards] Flob-a-dob blib blob bleeb!

Lister

[on not everything being right in the backwards universe] What about St. Francis of Assisi? In this universe, he's the petty-minded little sadist who goes around maiming small animals! Or Santa Claus? What a bastard!

Rimmer

Eh?

Lister

He's the big fat git who sneaks down chimneys and steals all the kids' favourite toys!

You are a stupid square-headed bald git, aren't you, eh?! I'm not pointing at you, I'm pointing at you. But I'm not actually addressing you, I'm addressing the one prat in the country who's bothered to get hold of this recording, turn it round and work out the rubbish that I'm saying! What a poor, sad life he's got! Frankly, your act's crap anyway, anybody could have done it! I hate the lot of you, bollocks to you!

Kryten

I think there's something wrong with the gearbox. The thing is, I learned to drive in Starbug 2. I'm not used to the controls in Starbug 1.

Rimmer

They're exactly the same.

Kryten

Yes. That's the problem.

Rimmer

Holly? Is it possible? Could this be Earth?

Certainly seems that way. Constellations match, gravity exactly one-G.

Rimmer

What's the time period?

Well, it's difficult to pin it down exactly, but according to all the available data, I would estimate it's round about... lunchtime, maybe half-one.

Rimmer

What period in history, dingleberry-breath? I mean can we expect to see Ghengis Khan and his barbarian buddies sweeping across the hill? Or a herd of flesh-eating dinosaurs feeding off the bones of Doug McClure? What is the year?

Well, I'd need some more data before I could give you a precise answer.

Rimmer

Like?

Well, this year's calendar'd be 'andy!

Rimmer

You know, it could have worked. It really could. Where's the Cat?

Lister

He won't be long. He's...you know...in the bushes.

Lister

We've got to stop him!

Cat

DON'T ASK!