Spinelli quotes from Recess

Gretchen, is that you?

Gretchen

T.J.? [bumps into the fence] Pardon me.

So, Gretch, what's with the box?

Gretchen

I'm using it to make a pinhole projector so we can view the upcoming solar eclipse. You can't look at an eclipse with the naked eye, you know, it would scorch your retina.

Vince

Man, there's nothing like a good field trip.

Yep, nothing in the world. MISOOE, here we come.

Gus

MISOOE? What's MISOOE?

Gretchen

MISOOE, Gus, the Museum of Industry, Science, Oceanography, Oddities, and Energy. It's one of the finest, most sophisticated museums in the world.

My big brother told me they got a dead guy sliced up real thin, like cheese, so you can see right through him. Can't get more sophisticated than that.

I hear they got a real working coal mine that goes right down through the floor.

Ashley A.

Coal mine? Please. The best thing there is the gift shop. They got accessories from around the world.

And they accept credit cards.

What? Oh, that's nothing!

Man, this is gonna be the best field trip ever.

Gus

[offended] It's not fair. It's just not fair.

[also offended] Yeah, this whomps.

Vince

How come you guys get to miss school and we don't?

Gretchen

Because the Young Inventors Fair is an invitational exposition.

Means you gotta be invited.

Gretchen

It's a great opportunity to show off exciting new ideas from smart young minds.

Gus

So why is Spinelli going with you?

'Cause she needed a smart kid to be her assistant. Wanna make something of it?

Gus

N-not at all. May I be the first to wish you success on this and all future scientific endeavors?

Come, Gretchen, our colleagues await.

Vince

Girls. They sure stick together.

Ashley A.

Like, these are the entry forms for the official kiddie cosmetics “Little Miss Blush” beauty contest.

Pageants, nature’s way of pointing out perfection.

Ashley A.

I’m totally sure an Ashley would take the crown this year. So fill out your entry forms and take them please and dazzle em'...

[off screen] Like totally special delivery!

Here we go. Hmm, let's see. Seven! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven! "Great riches will soon be yours." Oh, scary. Someone else give it a shot. Come on! You guys don't buy that Stinky Peterson junk, do you?

Of course not. I pick four. One, two, three, four. "You will pass your greatest test with flying colors." Hey, that's not so bad. I think this thing's a friendly fortune teller.

Mikey

Me next.

Vince

No, me next.

Gretchen

I'm next. Logic dictates we go girl, boy, girl, boy until we run out of girls. I pick one. "You will take a trip to an exotic land." My word, that is exciting!

Gus

My turn. Oh, great fortune teller, what wonders await me? Great riches? Fame? Adventure, perhaps? I pick five. One, two, three, four, five. "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow is your final day?" Hey! What kind of fortune is that?

Oh, man, I got more food on me from cleaning than I did in battle!

Gus

Guys, I can put an end to this if I just told on…

[as he and the others cover his mouth; sternly] Don't say it, Gus.

Gus

But you don't understand! It was… [his friends cover his mouth again]

Gus, I'm serious. Don't say it. That'll make you a tattletale.

Vince

Yeah, and being a tattletale is against the kids' unwritten code of honor.

Gus

Are you sure? I mean, it is unwritten and all.

Gretchen

Not anymore, Gus. Behold, the code has now been issued on this convenient and durable laminated reference card.

[reading] "Tattletale go to jail. Stick your head in a garbage pail." [sighs] It's pretty clear, all right.

Vince

Gus. You okay, man?

Did you crack?

Back off, guys. Give him some air.

[blowing her whistle] This investigation is officially closed. Thanks, boys. I've ID'd the perp. The culprit is… [sighs] Randall Weems.

Randall

No, I-I didn't mean to do it! It was an accident, I tell you! The mashed potatoes slipped out of my hand!

I'm very disappointed in you, Randall. My own little weasel gone bad. My world is shaken.

Randall

[berating Gus as he's being taken away] Griswald, you ratted me out! You're a tattletale, you hear me?! A TATTLETALE!!!

Gus

Not that I don't love leaves, but what's going on today, anyway?

Gretchen

The town's bustling because the 60-year-old statue of Thaddeus T. Third III has been returned to its rightful place in front of the school that bears his name.

Mikey

Gee! I don't remember any statue ever being out here.

That's because it's been overseas for eight years getting shined and--

Gretchen

Thaddeus T. Third III!

Mikey

He's so regal! His chiseled features seem to say, "I'm an important fellow."

Not to me, Mikey. To me they say, "Hop on, Jasper! I'm built for climbing."

Mr. Mayor, distinguished guests, "big story news" team. It is an honor to host this "Welcome back, Thad" celebration, welcoming back a man with whom we all grew up, a man for whom this street and school are named. A man named... Thaddeus T. Third III!

[chuckles cheekily] How you doin', folks?

He's going over! BAIL!

You gettin' this?

[outraged] Prickly! Do you know what this means?!

[before Prickly could say anything] He certainly does, Mr. Mayor. [to the gang] You six are in the biggest trouble ever!

Man, oh, man. My mom and dad didn't take too kindly to the news last night.

Gus

Pop says I'm not allowed to have another accident until I'm 35.

Mikey

People were crying in the interviews! It was tearing me apart!

Look, first thing we do when we get to school, is knock on Prickly's door, explain our side of the story, and apologize up and down.

Vince

Good idea, Teej. That should clear things up. [Later at school, they're watching Randall and some other kids playing in a leaf pile] Poppin' bobula! Randall just got first flop in our leaf pile!

[closing the window blinds] No window-gazing for you six! Time to start your punishment. Now, I can make this difficult, or I can make this difficult.

Miss Finster, ma'am, before detention, we would like to speak to Principal Prickly.

Ha! For obvious political reasons, Principal Prickly can't afford to be seen with you. Now, follow me... Vandals!

Gus

Gee, Miss Finster, I don't know if I like being called a vandal.

Maybe your new outfits will help you feel the part.

[confused] New outfits?

My, my! Don't we look so very...orange? I trust "the Destructive Six" are feeling constructive today?

Yes, sure we do, Miss Finster, but when do we get to tell people how sorry we are?

Enough back talk! Time to receive your new tools. [holds out a bucket of soap and water and six toothbrushes]

Gus

But I already brushed my teeth.

Oh, they're not for your teeth. [laughs evilly]

No sighing in detention, Detweiler.

Yes, Miss Finster. Sorry, Miss Finster.

Vince

Man, the playground just isn't the same when Teej is in detention.

Gretchen

True. In his absence, we average a startling four or fewer laughs per recess.

Look, I like Teej as much as the next kid, but it's recess, and we have to have fun.

Board the bus in an orderly and harmonic fashion, and please have your signed permission slips ready.

[holding her permission slip] Ah, the good ol' "get-out-of-class-free" card.

[takes out his permission slip] This is one note from school I'm happy to have my parents sign.

Gus

[checking his pockets, realizing he doesn't have his permission slip] Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no!

Don't tell me you forgot your permission slip, Gus.

Gus

I had it this morning. My dad signed it at breakfast, and then he must've put it in his pocket by mistake!

Mikey

Maybe your father could bring it from his office.

Gus

He's not at the office. He's out with the whole division having war games, and Mom's out looking at drapes.

Not to worry, Gus. Miss Grotke will understand.

Thank you, Phil. Watch your step, Judy.

Miss Grotke, we got a problem.

Gus forgot his permission slip.

Oh, my, that is a problem. Without a permission slip, Gus, you can't go. It's school policy.

Mikey

That was really strange.

Miss Grotke never got a phone call in class before.

Vince

Or ran out of school without asking us if we had any questions.

Gus

Yeah, and she didn't flash us her usual two-sign.

Gretchen

That's a peace sign, Gus.

Gretchen

Look, that MO sticker on the bumper. That's the international abbreviation for Moldavakia.

Gus

Moldavakia?

Where the heck is that?

Gretchen

Moldavakia is a former Eastern Bloc country famous for its luge team, tiny ceramic gnomes, and espionage.

Of course! The mysterious phone call, the weird guy from Moldy-vakia, this creepy fog hanging around the school... There's no other explanation. Miss Grotke's a spy!

Gus

A spy?

Gretchen

My word.

A fourth grade teacher... What a great cover.

Mikey

I can't believe it. I won't believe it.

Believe it, Mikey. The box with a star for Miss Grotke's "program"... I'm telling you guys, all the evidence points in one direction: S-P-I.

Gretchen

Actually, it's S-P-Y, but T.J. makes a rather compelling argument.

Gus

But wait a second. Is she one of ours or one of theirs?

I was at the breakfast table, putting on my boots and picking through a box of Crusher Krispies, and that's when it happened.

Vince

What happened?

The toy surprise was missing from your box.

Worse than that. My mom tells me that after school today, she's taking me to that new museum!

Gus

The Glamour Puss Museum of makeup, wigs, and pantyhose?!

Bingo. [the others gasp in shock] I think it's another of my mom's plans to make me girlie and junk.

My heart goes out to you, Spinelli.

I was thinking it'd be a lot less boring looking around at all that lipstick and fru fru girlie junk if someone was there to kind of hang out with me.

Vince

Whoa... Oh, no, I'm not going in that place.

Yeah, I'm kind of busy.

Gus

I've got my reputation to worry about.

Thanks, guys, but I was hoping Gretchen could come.

Gretchen

Well, though I seldom pass up a museum, a cosmetics museum doesn't exactly sound like my cup of tea.

You got to help me. I need another kid along so I can goof off and be myself. I'll be bored out of my skull if you don't come. Please?

Gretchen

Oh, for you... Why not? It'll be a girls' day out.

Yes, Gretch! You are the best friend a girl could ever have.

Gretchen

So you guys didn't get upset with T.J.?

Vince

Heck no. T.J. was just being T.J.

Yeah, Gretch, and with your smarts and T.J.'s style, you're looking at the easiest project you've ever done.

Gretchen

You know something, Spinelli? You might just have a point. Why am I fighting the charm, the verve, the unmitigated moxie that is T.J. Detweiler?

Gus

You can't do it. It can't be done.

Gretchen

My friends, this time around, I'm going to do the smart thing.