Reba quotes from Reba

Reba

Where is John D now?

Brock

Oh, I don't know, Reba. I'm not a religious man.

Lori Ann

[to Reba] Here's one. Pilot. Looks great in a uniform. It'll be a chance for you to join the mile high club!

Reba

I'm already a member.

Lori Ann

Married, dead, gay, gay, gay...

Reba

Three of them are gay?

Lori Ann

No, just the one, but he came out in a big way.

[to Van] Didn't you have a different Mommy last time?

Reba

His Mommy has a paper due. I'm his Mommy's Mommy.

Barbra Jean

I think my water broke.

Reba

Oh, no! You're sitting on my purse!

Reba

So the priest left during confession?

Lori Ann

All I said was that he had nice eyes!

Reba

You are a desperate, desperate woman.

Reba

You do know that you conceived this child when Brock and I were still married.

Barbra Jean

I don't mind.

Cheyenne

I wore two different shoes to school today because I can't see my feet. [everyone laughs]

Reba

Okay, that's not funny.

Kyra

Not as funny as watching her get out of a chair. [everyone starts laughing again]

Reba

This is Cheyenne and Van's graduation day!

Kyra

This is me gagging on Cheyenne and Van's graduation day!

Brock

I want you to apologize to Barbra Jean.

Reba

Hold on a second. [goes outside and looks up]

Brock

What are you doing?

Reba

Checking for flying pigs.

Van

Mrs. H., you have to maintain a "C"- average. Who do you think I am, Albert Weinstein?

Reba

Van, I think you mean Albert Einstein.

Van

No, I mean Albert Weinstein. He was the smart kid in the senior class. [sarcastically] Wow, Einstein!

Reba

Well, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to get a job. [everyone laughs; Reba has a serious look on her face]

Cheyenne

Oh, you were serious?

Kyra

Mom, what's with the smiley face sticker?

Reba

Don't ask.

Brock

You know, Barbara Jean wants this to work out more than anyone. She considers you a friend.

Reba

Why?! Why does she like me so much!

Brock

Everyone likes you, Reba. That's your curse.

Reba

Look, Brock, I'm just trying to do my job. So, your 3:00 teeth cleaning is waiting on you, at 4:00, you got a root canal and at 7:00, you should have sex with your wife. Coffee?

Brock

D-did you just say what I think you said??

Reba

Well, I must have, my whole mouth just went numb!