(reads Sam's Wanted poster) 'Large reward?' Exactly what do you mean by large?
I got a gift certificate to Outback.
[Ben looks at him skeptically.]
Thirty dollars.
Oooh, nice.
S2Dirty Sexy Mongol
I'm a busy guy. It's an election year.
I just want her to see me the way the rest of the world does.
And how is that?
As a sexual magician.
You sent a demon to my house to kill me, Gladys! Why would you do that?
We're in a book club together.
So, you agreed to have me assassinated?
These book clubs are a lot of pressure.
Because she is my sister, and the only one allowed to have sex with her is me.
Sex swings have been around for thousands of years. It's not like I invented them.
S2The Sweet Science
(after sharing a kiss) Tastes like pennies.
That's just blood, silly.
(talking about the Hell geode gift to Ben) Don't worry, it's perfectly safe. Just don't ever sleep next to it, because it'll give you nightmares. Don't ever make wishes upon it or get it next to a nuclear reactor. And then just use a regular damp cloth to clean it.
Boxing requires focus. It's like having sex. Everything's going good, you're getting your groove on, chugging along. In comes the talking, the hints, the tips, the criticizing. Next thing you know, you've lost that concentration! You're locked in the bathroom, yelling at your own lap!
Maybe you should grow a soul patch.
No, I'm not growing a douche tag.
I'm going to break up with Nina. And I'm kinda scared that she might not take it too well.
I'm so sorry, Ben. Is there anything that I can do?
Yes, you can. May I please borrow the company pepperspray and boxcutters?
Punishing souls is like raising children. They need consistency. You can't reward bad behavior. They step out of line. You just have to give them a time out in the Closet of Abysmal Agony.
That's not how we roll in H-Town.
S2The Favorite
[Sam walks away with a winning lotto ticket.]
I hate that guy.
That's my money.
There are little devils running around, and that doesn't give you the chills?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Reaper pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.