Eugene Fitzherbert quotes from Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

Cassandra

Look, pal, I don't trust the guy.

Eugene

Look, Cassandra, I know you'd like nothing better than let an old friend of mine embarrass me. And I hate to disappoint you, but my friend Lance is not "up to" anything!

Eugene

Okay, Lance! What are you up to?

Lance

Up to? Me? You'd think I come all this way jut to tell you- Okay. I need help with a job.

Eugene

Let's just get out of here Arnwaldo.

Lance

Don't call me Arnwaldo! Besides, don't you at least wanna know whose basement this is?

Eugene

No. No, I don't.

Lance

It's the baron's.

Eugene

The baron? The baron-baron?

Lance

You said we'd get him later.

Eugene

That was eight years ago.

Lance

Exactly. We waited eight long years for revenge. And I'm not letting till I settled the score. And now the score is settled. Let's get out of here.

Rapunzel

No. I can't let you that.

Eugene

What? Why not?

Rapunzel

Because I love you, Eugene. And I will forgive you, but I can't be sure they will.

Rapunzel

It's the first time people see when they enter the castle, Dad. I mean, maybe we could remodel it or something, you know, make it warm and welcoming.

Frederic

That archway is an important line of defense, Rapunzel. It is imperative it convey strength and security. (Eugene arrives at the table)

Eugene

(mumbling) You want strength and security, here's what you do... (sits at the table next to Rapunzel) (King Frederic is unamused) Lion statues! Ooh, ooh, better yet... turn the archway into a giant lion's mouth! No, wait! Let's do the whole lion--

Frederic

Thank you, Eugene. I'll take those suggestions under advisement.

Eugene

Ahh, teamwork! Up high! (cleans his hands on his vest and gives King Frederic a high five) (chuckling) Your Majesty! (waits for a high five) (Rapunzel puts her hand on Eugene's shirt and pulls it because he is embarrassing her) (he sits) Right! You're eating. We're eating. Next time, then. Cool.

Eugene

You know, blondie, you might wanna start coming up with lion designs for that archway. I think that idea got some real traction with your dad

Cassandra

I'm sure the king loved your idea. You do realize he was just being polite, and probably didn't wanna call you a nitwit to your face.

Rapunzel

Cass! If my dad didn't like Eugene's ideas, I think he would just say so.

Eugene

Yeah. And he's never been shy about calling me names to my face before. (Pascal groans)

Cassandra

Well, before you go and have your royal advisor nameplate made up, you should probably know that whatever the king wants to ignore an idea, he always says "I'll take it under advisement." (does air quotes)

Eugene

Ha! Shows what you know! I clearly remember him saying "I'll... (remembers what Rapunzel's dad said to him earlier at the table)

Frederic

Take those suggestions under advisement. (thunder cracking)

Eugene

Oh, no! He does think I'm a nitwit!

Cassandra

And there it is!

Eugene

This changes everything! I cannot have a father-in-law who doesn't take me seriously!

Cassandra

Why not? No one else takes you seriously. (Rapunzel walks to Eugene and fixes his collar then dusts his vest off)

Rapunzel

That's not true, Eugene. My dad thinks very highly of you. (Cass shakes her head "no") Though, there are times you could be a bit more selective about the kinds of things you suggest to him. He is the King, after all. (Cass shakes her head "yes")

Eugene

Et tu, blondie? (walks away from Rapunzel) Okay, you know what? It's fine. It's fine. I can fix this. Quick! Name things your dad likes, that I can pretend I also like to impress him! (bells sounding)

Cassandra

The emergency alarm! (she, Rapunzel and Eugene hear the siren)

Rapunzel

Equis? As in the kingdom next door, Equis?

Cassandra

Mm-hm.

Rapunzel

What's that got to do with my dad's statue? Why is it all messed up?

Your dad's lifetime rival, King Trevor of Equis, likes to play pranks on him. (tells Rapunzel)

Rapunzel

By just drawing a silly face on Dad's statue? (scoffs) I can't imagine any intelligent person finding this funny.

Eugene

(laughing) (clears throat) (Rapunzel, Cassandra and the Captain of the Guards look at him) (he smiles)

Anyway, King Trevor always manages to thoroughly embarrass your father.

Frederic

I can hear you, Captain. And yes, I am embarrassed. Embarrassed for him, really! The very idea of a grown man partaking in such infantile boobery!

Rapunzel

I still don't get it.

Cassandra

I'll explain later.

Frederic

Trevor has been trying to lure me into partaking in his shenanigans since our youth. Well, I won't partake! Do you hear me, Trevor! I won't partake! (crows cawing and they are flying away)

Frederic

I must partake! I can't take this embarrassment any longer! Ooh, I need a prank! I must show the people that, despite that sign's proclamations, Equis does not rule!

I agree, but how?

Frederic

Yes, how? By striking against that which he holds most dear! The very symbol of his land!

You mean, the Seal of Equis? But, Your Majesty, the castle of Equis is impenetrable. In fact, only one man has ever successfully infiltrated its defenses. And he-- (Eugene whistling when he walks by the throne room but he walks back to the entrance of it)

Eugene

You guys talkin' about me?

Eugene

Blondie, great news! Your dad just asked me to steal the Royal Seal of Equis for him!

Rapunzel

Stealing from Equis? (closes the book? (Pascal squeaks and facepalms) (slides down the ladder) That doesn't sound like a great idea. (opens the book to show Eugene then Pascal flips a page) Did you know that they have over a thousand guards on duty at any given time? (Eugene takes the book from her and closes it)

Eugene

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, but don't you see? (puts the book on the desk and Pascal climbs on the globe) It's the perfect way for me to prove to him I'm more than just some nitwit thief!

Rapunzel

By stealing something?

Eugene

No. (spins the globe) (Pascal squealing) By stealing something well. (spins the globe fast then stops it) (Pascal squeals, groans)

Rapunzel

Hm.

Eugene

Hey, come on, it's for the official royal prank! I'm pretty sure that makes it completely legal...ish.

Rapunzel

Oh! Well, then let me come with you. (holds her bag) I'm pretty good at surprises.

Eugene

Sorry, blondie, but I've assessed the situation, and this is a one-man job. Luckily, Flynn Rider does his best work alone.

Frederic

Let's go, partner! (tells Eugene)

Eugene

Wait! I'm sorry, you wanna come with me? (asks King Frederic)

Frederic

Of course I'm coming with you. You think I'm in the habit of dressing like this? Though this new, dashing adventure suit I had made is quite slimming. I must witness Trevor's humiliation at first hand! (Eugene walks to him)

Eugene

Ohh... yeah. See, um... (chuckles) The thing is, I was thinking you wanted, you know, me to do it alone. Uh, not that I wouldn't love to have you along. It's just, you probably have way more important--

Frederic

This is a matter of national pride, son. Of course it's important. And I specifically said "we" would steal the Royal Seal of Equis, remember?

Eugene

I do! I do re-- yes, you did say "we"! I thought you were using the royal "we," you know, being king?

Frederic

Come on, let's do this! (tells Eugene) How'd you put it before? Teamwork! Up high! (puts his hand up and Eugene tries to give him a high five but he walks away)

Eugene

Yeah. You know, when you say "Up high," you usually-- (King Frederic tosses a bag to him) Okie-dokie, never mind. (puts the bag on him and leaves with King Frederic)

Eugene

So, Your Majesty, I've drawn up this map based upon the brilliant way I got into the Castle Equis before, to show you how this is gonna go down. (King Frederic stops hiding inside the foliage to see a map) All we need to do is borrow a couple of uniforms and waltz right through the front door. Eh?

Frederic

We're not doing that.

Eugene

We're not?

Frederic

Eugene, as king, I've received top military. After studying this map, I can say certainty that what is required here is stealthy ingress. And this is the perfect spot to do it! (points to the drawing of one of towers on the map)

Eugene

The northeast tower? The heavily guarded, impossibly fortified northeast tower? (asks King Frederic)

Frederic

No one will expect it. (hides behind the foliage again)

Frederic

All is clear. (Eugene also stops hiding from a fake bush) Just follow my lead. (tells Eugene) (hides inside the fake bush and walks to the tower) (two guards are walking by) (Eugene hides inside the fake bush and follows King Frederic but the former sees a door)

Eugene

Your highness. (tells King Frederic and stops walking) (King Frederic walks by the door)

Ohh, whew. (opens the door and exits) Huh? Hmm. (sees a fake bush with King Frederic walking by and the guard follows and starts attacking King Frederic with the halberd) (Eugene walks behind the guard but grabs him from behind) Aah! (Eugene is thwacking the guard) (guard groans) (Eugene wears the guard's uniform and the cap then takes the halberd) (Eugene sees two guards then he runs to King Frederic)

Eugene

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, boy. Huh! (drops the halberd and runs towards the horse) (King Frederic walks forward then backwards) (horse whinnying when he pulls the reins) Get over... (King Frederic is behind the horse) (Eugene is smiling while standing in front of a horse like a statue and gives it a carrot) (chuckles nervously) Fellow guards. (waves to the guards when they are walking by)

Frederic

Yes! (stops hiding) There. See? Easy. (turns around and sees Eugene wearing a uniform) Eugene, I thought I said the guard uniforms were unnecessary. (jumps out and walks stealth mode) Come on! Mm-hm? (chuckles) (Eugene turns around)

Eugene

Oh, yeah, no, don't mind me. (takes the cap off) I'm just gonna scream into this for a little bit. (muffled screaming) (puts the cap back on his head and walks to the northwest tower) (the horse is chewing on a carrot that Eugene gave to it)

Eugene

Ooh! (slips)

Frederic

Quiet, Eugene. (tells him) (Eugene groaning and slams to the wall when he climbs up)

Eugene

Okay. Just follow my lea-- (sees King Frederic trying to do a cartwheel)

Frederic

(loud grunt) (fell on the floor then goes to the other side)

Eugene

Really? (guards heard a noise) (sees the guards again)

What was that?

Better check it out. (he and the other guard are walking towards the noise but Eugene coins on the floor) (Eugene's coins clinking)

This way! (he and other guard turn around then they walk the other way) (King Frederic climbs up)

Frederic

They didn't spot me. A-ha! (referring to the guards) (gives a thumbs up then walks) Let's move out! (tells Eugene)

Eugene

(groans while putting his hands on his face) You love Rapunzel, you love Rapunzel, you love Rapunzel! (follows King Frederic)

Frederic

Ah. The royal seal room. (he and Eugene walk to the entrance of the room) (will open the door) How do you like that, Eugene? (asks him) Told ya!

Eugene

Ooh! (Frederic slaps him on the back then the cap fell off) (his hair has a leaf and a twig)

Frederic

Flawless plan. (Eugene removes the twig from his hair and uses it to open the door) (Eugene pushes the door open then he and King Frederic enter the room) Ahh. Behind that curtain lies the Royal Seal of Equis. (pulls the curtain) Oh-ho-ho, sweet revenge! (he and Eugene sees Trevor Jr.) (Trevor Jr. barking)

Eugene

It's a seal. (shocked that isn't an official seal)

Frederic

Indeed. The Royal Seal... of Equis! (Trevor Jr. barks)

Eugene

It's a seal seal! Not a royal seal!

Frederic

It is a seal seal owned by a king. Thus, a royal seal. (tells Eugene) (walks to Trevor Jr.) (Trevor Jr. barks) Hmm?

Eugene

You have got to be kid-- (annoyed at King Frederic) You... You know what? You know what? At this point, never mind! (walks to Trevor Jr.) Just grab your and let's get outta here. (Trevor Jr. barks) (grunting while trying to push Trevor Jr.) (groans) (King Frederic grunts) (gasps) (King Frederic chuckling) Wha...What? What? What are you doing? (asks King Frederic)

Frederic

Leaving a calling card, so Trevor knows it was I who did this. (holds a paintbrush while at King Trevor's portrait and turns around) What should I paint, hm? Eye patch? Stink lines? Perhaps a tear, representing his imminent humiliation at being bested by me.

Eugene

No! None of those things should you paint! (grunts) Gah! Let us go now! (tells King Frederic) (Trevor Jr. barking sadly) (barking in distance) (two of King Trevor's guards hear Trevor Jr. and they run to the royal seal room) (seal barking) (Eugene and King Frederic are going to be caught by King Trevor's guards) (Eugene sees the ceiling) Oh, I'm gonna need your grappling hook. (guards open the doors but they see no one is inside the room then they walk inside) (foreboding music) (Eugene, King Frederic and Trevor Jr. are on the chandelier)

Frederic

You're the expert. (tells Eugene) What are we going to do now?

Eugene

Oh, oh, so when you say "we," do you still mean the royal "we," which is actually you telling me how to fix this?

Frederic

Well, no. I'm saying "we" as in us. (a screw is dropping to floor) (the guards are still searching the room and they are looking up)

Eugene

Is that the royal us, because it still sounds like it's just me.

Frederic

I asked you to come so that "we" could get the seal.

Eugene

Okay, okay, so now I'm confused. You said "I" and "we" in the same sentence, which I'm finding means the same thing. Not to mention the fact that I couldn't get the proper definition of seal from you! (the chandelier falls) (he and King Frederic yelling) (chandelier crashing to the floor) Huh?

Frederic

Uh-oh. (he and Eugene are surrounded by five guards)

Eugene

(laughs) Uh, hey, guys. Hey, you guys. Would you believe that we're the chandelier repairmen? (laughs) Repairing it in the middle of the night? 'Cause this thing is broken. (Trevor Jr. barking)